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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

House dilemma !

27 replies

Jeshka07 · 15/07/2022 19:25

Hiya I need some opinions from people not involved in the situation please! Posting here for traffic and voting.
I am unsure of what to do about my house situation and could do with some advice / opinions!

We (me, DH, DD(3) and DS(1) currently live in a new build 3 bed detached house on a new estate. We moved in in December 2019. The estate is awful for parking, the road is noisy as we are on a corner / t-junction right at the only entrance to the whole estate. Our house is right on the pavement and people are constantly looking in which irritates me. The parking is awful and long term i cant see it improving at all. Our mortgage has also recently increased to nearly £900 a month.

My grandmother is having to move into a flat due to A recent stroke and is going to sell her home to fund the flat. She has offered it for around 250k which Is a bit of a steal.

The house is a 3 bed semi detached, On a pretty busy main road but set back with a big drive and space for lots of cars. The back garden backs on to the riverbank which is lovely. Big front garden but smallish , not super child friendly back garden. The upstairs is smaller than ours with no ensuite to the main bedroom (which we have now) but the downstairs Is probably about double the size. They had triple glazing installed recently so road noise inside is minimal (I know this after 25 years of visiting!)

The potential trouble we have is that my in laws have helped us financially with previous moves (one in 2017 and then one in 2019) and have also helped us out financially a few times very generously. They are not keen on us moving house again (I'm not sure how against it they would be but it worries.me and I don't want to make its uncomfortable). Me and dh do love the idea of the house and it would be more affordable for us (I am changing to part time soon so already a little worried about finances)

So what do I do? Stay in the house I dislike to potentially keep the peace or move into a very different house with some clear benefits (but my DH worries ill never be happy in any house whatever !)

Sorry that was long!! Any advice would be great!!

Unseasonable - stay in the house I have now

Not unreasonable - try for moving into relatives house

Thanks xx

OP posts:
MadMadMadamMim · 15/07/2022 19:27

Your in laws have no say on whether you move. It's ridiculous that they feel entitled to an opinion, whether they have helped you out financially or not.

Move. It's your life, and it sounds more affordable.

Amei · 15/07/2022 19:29

Move!

PreggieGoldilocks86 · 15/07/2022 19:29

Perhaps I missed something but I’m confused why your in laws would disapprove of you moving to a house that would be easier for you to afford given the current economic state of the world, plus with your changing financial status dropping to part time soon, this sounds like financially it makes more sense? even if they’ve helped with moving costs in the past that doesn’t mean you have to stay where you are forever

is your current house really close to your inlaws? Why do you think they would be so keen for you to stay there?

BrieAndChilli · 15/07/2022 19:31

You know the house as your grandmother has lived there for 25 years, so a lot of unknowns that you would get with a ‘new’ house aren’t a consideration.

bathroom wise could you make a bathroom downstairs?
lots of living space is better than more sleeping space in my opinion. If you can make a playroom/teens lounge downstairs they won’t need as much room in thier bedroom.
could you fence off part of the large front garden into a child friendly play area? Then make the back garden the more grown up/entertaining space?

Heroicallyl0st · 15/07/2022 19:31

You can’t live your life in restricted ways just because you think other people might be offended! How would you ever get anything done?

Alphabet1spaghetti2 · 15/07/2022 19:32

I think your bigger problem will be the local authority looking into the sale of your grandmas house.
IF in the FUTURE she deteriorated and needed care or a care home, she will be means tested. Now the authorities can go through her financial records for years - by which I do mean they COULD go back as far as this sale. If they decided she had sold the house for less than market value, they would consider it a deprivation of assets and say that she or you had to pay for her care, to make up the amount she would have got from an open market sale.
currently there isn’t a fixed rule as to how far back they will look at her financial history. But it is worth considering if you do go ahead.

Original poster
Jeshka07 · 15/07/2022 19:33

@PreggieGoldilocks86

They haven't outright said they don't want us to move now but just from comments made in the past I get the feeling they wouldn't fully support the idea.

They actually live a fair way away already and it wouldn't particularly change the distance / time taken to travel to us or vice versa x

OP posts:
Original poster
Jeshka07 · 15/07/2022 19:38

Thank you all for the advice.
@Alphabet1spaghetti2 thank you for the info I know there might be some additional complications with buying from family. She had it valued today and they said that it was in the 250-275 brakcet so it's not considerably below market value but worth looking into thank you.

@BrieAndChilli there is a toilet and sink downstairs already which is good so wouldn't need to worry too much at the moment but could possibly add in a shower etc as the kids get older.

@Heroicallyl0st I am constantly worried about what others think or do! I know I shouldn't but it does impact on my life somewhat. Maybe now is a good time to break that cycle

Thanks again all x

OP posts:
PreggieGoldilocks86 · 15/07/2022 19:40

I’d be snapping grandmas house up, the in laws can deal with it :)

Labourious · 15/07/2022 19:42

Your in-laws have absolutely no say at all. However, if the house is "a bit of a steal" then keep in mind there's a potential for there to be issues with inheritance tax.

MaggieFS · 15/07/2022 19:43

I think you should go for it. It sounds like you may be able to extend the upstairs and you can certainly child proof the garden.

And I don't wish to sound crass, but there's also the option in future of selling and then moving once you've done a bit of work to this house, potential which a new build won't offer.

It's quite a specific situation so I expect any aversion your ILs have may not apply.

Robin233 · 15/07/2022 19:43

@Jeshka07

(but my DH worries ill never be happy in any house whatever !)
^^

Could there be any truth to this?
And are the in laws thinking the same?
If I'd helped my son move and then was looking at him moving again for a third time in 2 years I'd maybe be rising an eye bro.

BrieAndChilli · 15/07/2022 19:44

Also think about the emotional side. My Nan sold her house to go into care and I was devastated. It really was the heart of the family growing up but we don’t live anywhere near and no-one else in the family was in a position to buy it. It still makes me sad that it’s no longer in the family.

fizzyfood · 15/07/2022 19:48

Just because your in-laws gave you money before doesn't mean you have to try and please them. If some gifts something there should be no strings attached. If the move will help you financially I'd go for it then you never need to ask for help from them again.

junebirthdaygirl · 15/07/2022 19:52

Is the river safely fenced off. I know its your grandma's house so you will know how safe it is but l am always concerned about very young children near a river.

Original poster
Jeshka07 · 15/07/2022 19:52

@Robin233 well its 5 years but I do see your point! I do have a feeling there may be some truth to it. I have looked at new houses probably every week since we moved in 2017 so yeah probably have some issue that is a bit deeper than the actual house!!

OP posts:
ImJustNotMeAnymore · 15/07/2022 19:53

Move. Sounds as though you'd be gutted if you didn't at least try, and I'll bet every time you go past the house in future you'd regret not buying it.

Original poster
Jeshka07 · 15/07/2022 19:54

@junebirthdaygirl
Yeah it's fully safe as there have been dogs and grandkids and great grandkids there for years with no incident and we would go through again and check everything as well. But yeah it is something to consider! River one side and main road the other doesn't sound like the safest but they have Been there 25 years without a problem (that I know.of!!)

OP posts:
Sprig1 · 15/07/2022 19:58

Definitely move. It sounds like a much better house for you.

ILikeHotWaterBottles · 15/07/2022 20:00

You don't overly happy about the other one to be honest. Complaining about it already not having things you want and it's not even yours.

Plus a house with a river right behind it? Is that such a good idea? Are the banks steep, because otherwise what will you do if it does flood in future?

Original poster
Jeshka07 · 15/07/2022 20:07

@ILikeHotWaterBottles I'm not sure I was complaining just trying to provide a balanced view.

It has a substantial bank and has not flooded in memory but yeah something to consider as you never know what will happen in the future

OP posts:
lunar1 · 15/07/2022 20:09

Would your mortgage be lower if you move? What is the financial comparison on monthly costs?

Original poster
Jeshka07 · 15/07/2022 20:15

Probably around 200 per month cheaper from a quick look but as its only been valued today we haven't looked fully into that yet just a quick mortgage calculator x

OP posts:
Youaremysunshine14 · 15/07/2022 20:29

Move. It's your life, not your in-laws. Maybe explain to them that a cheaper property would mean you not having to go them for financial support any longer. They can't argue with that.

Robin233 · 15/07/2022 21:04

@Jeshka07

@Robin233 well its 5 years but I do see your point! I do have a feeling there may be some truth to it. I have looked at new houses probably every week since we moved in 2017 so yeah probably have some issue that is a bit deeper than the actual house!!
^^^

I'm glad you answered this.
I only asked because I lived in a few house in my time.
Since marrying we are in house number 3 and now the kids have flown the nest .........

Maybe do a bit of soul searching and try and be honest with yourself.
This maybe the right house but try and work out what's going off in your heart.

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