To be annoyed by my mother-in-law's reaction to us moving away

[Gateau]

Hi, I'm from Ireland and my husband and I have made the decision to move there - later this year, depending on when we sell the house. We have a nine-month-old son.
Whem my husband first told his parents just before Christmas, they reacted brilliantly, saying stuff like, "All we want is your happiness" and similiar. It all sounded too good to be true, really.
And it was.The shock obviously hadn't set in.
Several days later my MIL rang my husband and told him how devastated she was (understandable), but also how she felt she was losing a son, that it felt as if he was dead. She said she didn;t feel like having a Christmas, and she was finding it hard to cope etc etc. Apparently my father-in-law felt the same. Oh, and my brother-on-law is very upset too, she told my husband.
And the effect?? Well, obviously my husband was guilt-ridden, very upset and felt down about making the move and leaving his family.
Now he is looking forward to the move yet again, but every time we mention anything about it in front of our in-laws, (and that is minimal, for fear of upsetting them), my MIL's face falls and she makes a negative remark like "You're running away" or "You two will be so shocked by the expense of the move."
Don't get me wrong, I totally understand they are going to be devastasted by their son - and his family - leaving, but is it selfish and unreasonable of me to expect them to now accept we are going and to at least be happy for us?
I can;t help feeling we're going to get this negativity until we go!!! I fear even more how guilty and upset they are going to make my husband feel!

Nah..you're not being unreasonable..sounds like she's trying to make you feel guilty about it (which is working).
I presume you're only moving from Britain to there...its not the other side of the world is it, so there'll be plenty of opportunity for them to visit you..which 'll be nice for you?

I don't think you are being unreasonable to expect them to keep their negative thoughts to themselves and to pretend to be OK about it. You are perhaps being a little unreasonable to expect them to be happy for you though. Your MIL is going to be understandably upset but perhaps you should remind her that Ireland is not the other side of the world and they can see you easily enough. I expect part of the problem is that they are used to seeing you a lot more but they will have to adapt.

I understand a little of what you are going through as we moved for my husband's job, 100 miles away from my parents and our old home. Not a huge distance but enough that they couldn't pop in for an hour or even for the day. My parents were upset at us leaving but they tried to be understanding about it. I don't think they were ever happy but they kept their thoughts to themselves. Your MIL should be doing the same unless she thinks, for some reason, that you are likely to change your mind.

Try to show them the plus points - details for a nice new house, great places for DS to play, good schools, things you can do when they visit, whatever you can think of. Whatever you do, don't moan about any of the negative aspects of moving in front of them so that they aren't given any more ammunition.

Get DH to have a word with them and tell them they are spoiling your last months in this country and that he is completely behind the idea of going so his mind won't be changed no matter what they say.

We eventually came back here. I wonder if it would soften the blow if you said you weren't going permanently, just for a couple of years (be deliberately vague about it). When that time is up they will be used to you being away so won't be so gutted when you 'extend' your stay. Just a thought.

Thanks for your advice.
'Thing is, I could see through it if my MIL was a devoted granny who popped in often to see our little boy. She loves him, yes, but 'from a distance,' ie she'll not lift him or hold him much and on some nights she'll leave without even touching him.
They come once a week - at night, when the baby is ready for bed, and they would never ring to ask if she could see him outside those hours, or if we could do something together.
It contrasts sharply to the way my Mum and entire family are with our little boy, which is one of the reasons we are moving.
I forgot to add, the in-laws have been talking about buying a place abroad for a while, which they would go to maybe 3 months a year. They weren't thinking of us or their grandson then!

Give it twenty years and you will be in the same boat....I cry at the thought of my son leaving home and he is only 9.

I doubt very much that I will be like that. I hope I act in the same way as my parents did when I left home at 18 to go to uni. They were nothing but supportive and encouraging although I heard from other people how terribly they missed me.
I did not have a child so he could look after me in my old age.

Well said Gateau - there are so many threads on here with examples of manipulative, controlling parents/in-laws that it makes me so determined not to be like this for my dd. Alot of parents seem to expect some sort of payback from their children when they chose to have them - no one asked to be born.

gateau, don't judge them on their behaviour towards your son yet. he is 9 months old. some people just don't really "do" babies and it sounds like your pils don't.

I would just not talk about it in front of them. Like Niecie said, it isn't unreasonable to hope that they'd keep their negative comments to themselves, but it is a bit unreasonable to expect them to be happy for you.