AIBU to just pull him out of nursery?

[Notnowbarnaby]

DS started nursery at the beginning of April. Since then he’s been unwell every other week pretty much. GP says it’s normal, they think he has cough variant asthma so perhaps more susceptible to coughs than most, which means he seems to get a cough with every cold/viral or bacterial infection. No sleep for any of us due to said cough and everything disrupted.

I know it’s par for the course especially because of lockdown/Covid (GP said they are seeing a lot of children DS’s age and younger that are getting a lot more infections back to back than they otherwise would be because of lack of exposure) but I feel broken with it all.

Nursery is currently short staffed so might have to close a room temporarily and I am half wondering whether to just pull him out and try again next year when we have our government funded time.

I work for myself so have the flexibility to do so but am unsure if I’m being melodramatic because I’m tired. He’s had two weeks back at nursery and has now come down with another cough (perfectly fine in himself so far fortunately).

It will get easier but I do think you'll need to bite the bullet at some point. With every cough and cold he will be building up immunity and eventually the illnesses will fade away.

My DS2 started in April and has also been stupidly Ill since but obviously only on the days he's not in nursery 🤣.

Last September to December was a total pain in the neck for us... dS1 brought home EVERYTHING including multiple stomach bugs and passed it around the family and extended family 🙈

Life with kids.

Feel for you. It's not easy when they are constantly ill. I was like this when I started teaching, basically ill for the whole of my first year.

I do think larger nurseries especially spread around everything. My daughter is in a small nursery and it doesn't seem too bad. Could you consider a different setting? I do think some kids are just prone to coughs though, sadly.

I know they will all get ill at some point in childhood but I find bugs a lot easier to manage in an older child (2.5+) who can tell you what is wrong, so that’s something I’d think about.

We had this for pretty much a year when my son started nursery at 9 months old. After the first year we’ve had barely any illnesses.

My LG started in the midst of covid (October 2020) and after the first week wasn't in again for the whole week until the new year. Last year she had recurrent tonsilitis for about 8 weeks. Chicken pox twice (April/May) and now has molloscum. It's definitely improving though!
If it's a constant cough I would ask your GP about persistent bacterial bronchitis. I've raised in 3 times this year and been dismissed but her symptoms match all the literature. You might have more luck

@Hall84 i say constant, it does get better. We’ve just had a week and a half maybe two weeks without one, just the occasional little throat clearing cough, before it’s returned. I think the inhalers are making a difference. I’ll keep an eye on it.

i think my concern is the bugs aren’t even 3-4 weeks apart, that sounds like bliss compared to what we have now 😂 it’s literally go to nursery for a full three mornings, ill again by the weekend or following Monday. Off nursery then back in again and the dance continues.

I am mulling over a smaller setting actually because I’ve started thinking about schools (he’s only 2.5 just but I thought I’d do a bit of research) and there’s another nursery that feeds into the school I’m currently preferring.

it’s just so hard to know what to do, especially as I work for myself - but I’m not really able to with the constant sickness so am thinking of just putting that on pause for a bit if I do pull him out. I’m lucky enough that I can do that so can’t moan about that.

Hi OP I feel your pain. We had the same experience and it was not sustainable for us so we took her out of the nursery. She hated it anyway. We found a childminder and never looked back. She rarely picks up anything now and if she does it's quite mild and short lived. We had hospitalisations from the stuff she caught at the nursery. It was after one of these hospitalisations and then two consecutive bouts of norovirus all within 6 weeks that we pulled her out!

I should also add that she absolutely loves the childminder. I really think smaller settings work far better for 1-3 year olds.

My son was ill pretty much every fortnight for a year when he started nursery. He would pick up everything. Coughs, colds, sickness bugs. He'd just get over it, then something else would hit. It was exhausting but I'm thankful now (he's 3) that it's over and done with and we won't have the hassle when he starts school next year. His immune system can hack the bugs now.

I’m lying in bed listening to him cough with a sinking feeling in my stomach as I know this will herald at least a week of broken sleep for us all, in top of the heat. Just praying he doesn’t get a temperature with it this time.

I’m really in two minds as to what to do.

for those of you also going through it, are your DC at nursery full time or part time? I think I’m just shocked it’s been so bad as it’s summer so wasn’t expecting so many bugs to be about, and because he’s only there a few mornings. It is a bigger nursery though, a chain rather than a small independent.

Op - if I were you, for the sake of 3 mornings a week, I would look in to a nanny share (so that he gets interaction with other children) or a childminder.

His immunity seems low and must be tough for him to be constantly coughing and sleepless nights

I seem to remember DD1 always being ill at nursery and bringing home colds - yet she never had a single day off school (or Uni) ill. Obviously built up her immune system well at nursery. DS didn't do nursery just pre-school and had plenty of time off school.
I'm sure it'll pass. Obviously we've had 2 years of avoiding people/illnesses so it seems most smalls are catching up and catching everything, all the under 2s I know seems to have colds etc

If its just coughs and colds i presume he is still attending nursery as usual, or is the issue that they are saying he can't attend?
Its normal, it builds their immune system, we had it for the first 18 months or so of nursery and from when she 2.5yrs onwards she very rarely gets ill now

Do you have to keep him off if he's at the tail end of a cough?

for those of you also going through it, are your DC at nursery full time or part time?

Childminder 3 days a week for us. She's been sick every 4-5 weeks since November last year. Numerous medics have told us "it's normal". 🤷‍♀️

I think my concern is the bugs aren’t even 3-4 weeks apart, that sounds like bliss compared to what we have now

It's not "bliss", trust me. It's hell and it's badly affecting my mental health and my career due to the amount of time I'm having to be off with her.

For example I'm currently sitting trying to give my little one some breakfast and she's so snotty and the cough is so relentless that she's barely getting enough respite in between coughing fits to actually eat her toast. Her eyes are red and steaming. It's so upsetting and stressful. Obviously today is a weekend but when this happens as often as it does on a work morning and I'm trying to get us both out of the door to childcare and work it's insanely stressful, my anxiety sky rockets and I end up in tears most mornings. I don't understand how or why illness so frequently is "normal" according to the doctors who have seen her over previous months, especially when friends and colleagues tell me it doesn't seem normal in their experience.

Regardless of whether they continue nursery now or start again in a year, your child will still catch the bugs and illnesses then. My son started at 11 months old and I can't even tell you how many coughs and colds he has caught. We get lack of sleep when he's poorly too and it's so frustrating but they are unavoidable in the long run so whether he catches them now or later. All of this builds his immune system. My older son went to nursery too and had lots of colds when young but now he barely catches any illnesses 🤷🏻‍♀️

My dd is 3 full days per week. The wee soul was coughing so much yesterday that she was sick after breakfast, lunch and dinner 😭

This is also day 5 of having a temp.

Hope your wee one is ok this morning OP

No it is not “normal”

but just like adults - sadly there are people that do seem to have a low immunity and if there is a cold or cough doing the rounds, they will get it and it will be worse than for others

I would take him out of the nursery and look for a nanny/babysitter or childminder if you need childcare. If not, then just keep him at home with you.

Try again when he's bigger, not only will his immune system be more developed but he will be better able to cope when he is sick, hopefully leading to better sleep etc.

I would still take him to playgroup/soft play etc. He needs social contact and to get out but in a less germ-heavy environment.

If she's that ill she shouldn't be going to childcare that morning. It's people sending kids in with bugs that causes this problem in the first place.

I know it's not easy, but sending her to nursery as ill as you describe is not ok.

DS1 was like this when he was at nursery, viral-related wheeze, constantly ill, the odd hospital stay - it was a nightmare! Since the age of 4 though, he has pretty much never been ill. So it does happen! Obviously, I don't know what he would be like if we had taken him out of nursery though - possibly the same, but without all the angst earlier on...

@lancsgirl85 ah sorry I didnt mean to
dismiss your experience I just meant I would like him to have a run of 3-4 works healthy for
once instead of a week!
I’m sure it’s still really tough, any time they are back to back ill is so hard on everyone. I hope it passes for you soon.

@NuffSaidSam

And some days she doesn't, hence my stress and worry about my job