To feel judged for not putting 2 year old in nursery

[Lifeohlifeohhhlife]

My dc was doing 2 mornings a week when they turned 2 a few months ago. We took them out because it was counter productive. I am on mat leave with baby no2, it cost a fortune, dc cried relentlessly whenever we dropped them off and they were sick constantly meaning looking after myself and baby was a lot harder and not the overall 'break' I envisioned.

I have now decided to keep my dc at home with me and do playgroups til they are at least 3 years old. But I feel really judged..

MIL asked excitedly how nursery was going and when I explained we were postponing and why I just recieved stoney silence. Sister in law the same. I feel a frosty response from friends who's little ones are in full time childcare and I'm the only one in my nct group who's child is not in nursery too and people look at me bewildered. AIBU for not understanding this expectation for children to be in nursery as opposed to at home with their parents? My dc have lots of family days out, park, beach, soft play, national trust, stay and plays etc. Again I'm not against nursery at all just don't understand why I'm receiving this somewhat negative response to my decision. It just so happens out circumstances don't warrant it right now.

Anyone else a sahm or on mat leave and chosen to defer til 3 or even 4? Finding it hard to find other mothers in same position and would like some people to talk to..

My kids know that their mum loves her job and childcare is shared between both parents, it's not just mum's responsibility.
(I know there are single parents who don't have a choice though)

Our health visitor was very judge our 2 year old was not in nursery. Despite the fact we do not qualify for any funding and I don't work at the moment.
I also have numerous childcare qualifications but that's by the by, although does show they treat us all equally with contempt.

@suburbanwinter

Two year olds don’t understand jobs, they just want mum.

Plenty of parents just want to be with dad too. Children usually require 2 parents to come to creation and they are both responsible for them.

It's a damned if you do, damned if you don't, thing. People should wind their necks in.

Their reactions are odd. DD is starting preschool at a private nursery when she’ll be 3.5 and no one’s said anything to me about her not being in paid childcare till then.

You’re happy it’s best for your family so just tell people that.

Weird how so many mothers have these judgey conversations - either I and my friends and family don’t have arseholes as the people we speak to or you’re reading into it too much.

I’ve had kids in nursery and a kid not in nursery. They’re all completely fine, sociable and happy and well-adjusted. Do what suits you and your family, not what other people might expect.

I see no harm until waiting until they’re 3+. At least then you’ll be able to take advantage of the 30 hours free, too, if you’re meeting the criteria.

It's a cultural thing now, and a sign of the changing times, that more and more children are in nursery from a very young age. I certainly wasn't, back in the mid-80s.
I did "playgroup" 4 mornings a week. One of them was in my local village hall, and it literally was a playgroup, 2 mornings a week. It was run by a group of mums, and all the mums just took it in turns to run it for a week. All very informal.
The other one was local authority run playgroup, for children with additional needs (I was late learning to walk).

I think op if your dc absolutely loved it at nursery and hopped in every day you might find it more difficult to step away from it. I think you've done the right thing and I think most parents in your position - dc hating it, financially not great and on mat leave would make the decision.

I don't think you should judge others either for different decisions- if I was on mat leave again and could afford it and my dc loved it then I'd be mad to take them out of nursery. I'd want to give my newborn the 1:1 time my first born had.

My late dh grew up in a country where they start school at 6. His parents couldn't afford nursery so he didn't go. He had excellent social skills and was bright, so it did him no harm.

My DD never went to nursery when she was young. She went to a lovely childminder instead.

Surely nursery at this age is childcare. If you don’t need childcare, you don’t need nursery! And why would use your family’s income on something you don’t actually want. Tell your in-laws you’re saving the money you save for a fur coat or a piano or something totally left field!

I very much doubt anyone but you and your husband cares whether you send you children to nursery or not.

Most of us of a certain age didn’t do nursery but started school the term after we turned 5!

I'm a sahm to three under 5. My oldest (4) didn't start nursery until just after her third birthday. She went for two afternoons a week until her funded hours started 2 months later. She now does three full days (I pay for the additional afternoon on top of her funded as she preferred to stay all day). When my middle child turned 2 I had so many people asking me when he was going to start. I didn't feel he needed to start until he was older like his sister. He's now going to start two afternoons a week in September (he's 3 in December so won't get funded hours until January). My youngest may start nursery at just turned 2 but that is because I am planning on going back to work but hopefully not until she is closer to two