Constant weight/ body talk

[Veebees26]

Having been away on a few weekends away with friends over the last year it has really struck me how often the prettiest and thinnest members of the group bring up weight and looks, in the context of "I've gained 5lbs so I'm disgusted in myself" and "I've got a few grey hairs, what if men don't fancy me anymore" and "do you think my hubby's ex wife is prettier than me" this last one from a woman who quite often describes herself as beautiful.
I just find it so frustrating, there are a few members of the group who are significantly larger than the others as well and they sit very awkwardly not joining in the weight bashing and I don't understand how the others can't see it makes them uncomfortable, like if you're openly saying how disgusting you feel when you've put on a few pounds but are very much still a normal weight, what does that say of your opinion of your fat friends?I've been much bigger myself in the past so feel I can really understand their discomfort.

Are there women like this in every group?

Are there women like this in every group?

Not all (I pick my social groupings more carefully these days, as an old bat I have found my inner "I simply can't be arsed if XYZ is going to be there" ...) - but too many.

It's best to shut it down with something generic, & deliberately phrased to shut the fuckwit up while maintaining plausible deniability about aiming it directly at them:
"Oh, let's not get onto the weight topic, it can be so uncomfortable for other people."
"You look absolutely lovely as always, let's not talk about diets, we're having a fun night"
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, let's not do the patriarchy's job for it by rating each other's looks"

No. There aren’t. This is not something I or the women I know (and like) talk about, or at least not in that way. They sound quite insecure…

But I’ve never been a ‘girly girl’ or hung out with them (as in, women who are overly concerned with their appearance). I have zero interest in anything related to beauty regimens or whatever. I can’t imagine sitting around talking about this stuff.

I’m petite, I spend a lot of time in the gym to stay slim. I like to be a size 6-8 because of my height (<5ft) It’s annoying with you’ve worked hard and put 5lbs on. Just because your friends are slim doesn’t mean they don’t work hard and eat well to stay that way.

I don’t think anything of my plus size friends if they are happy. Why would I? I don’t think they think anything about me. We are just all friends.

I agree it's annoying. I have a friend who is so stick thin I wonder how her legs hold her up, but she's always complaining about her 'fat stomach.'
Not that I'm jealous or anything.

I’m petite, I spend a lot of time in the gym to stay slim. I like to be a size 6-8 because of my height (<5ft

I'm 5' as well and size 16 on a good day.

How tiresome! Certainly not in my circles.

Talking about weight/looks in RL makes me feel uncomfortable. Usually people fishing for complements.

I'm 5' as well and size 16 on a good day

And that’s great if your happy. People should just be left to be who and how they want to be.

Body shaming absolutely works both ways!

No, that’s not normal and not my experience!

What has that got to do with anything?

if you're out catching up with friends who gives a fuck if you've put a couple of pounds on? I go out with my friends because they're a good laugh - not because they go to the gym/are slim.

My friendship groups range in sizes from tiny to bigger. Nothing worse than a size 8 person whinging that they've gained 5lbs to someone who is a lot larger 🙄.

Well, there are worse things but you know what I mean...it's irritating.

Why is a size 8 person not allowed to whinge that they’ve put weight on? But a bigger person is?

I fluctuate between size 10 and 14 depending on how much I'm stress-eating. (I do a lot of exercise either way, but when I'm exhausted I eat a LOT of crap). Sometimes I care about it aesthetically, sometime I care about it because running is harder work and less enjoyable when I'm heavier, sometimes I care about it because I dislike feeling that I'm not in control of my eating etc. And sometimes I genuinely feel that my body is just a thing i cart my brain around inside, and it can do amazing things, and I simply don't mind how it looks.

But when I do feel heavy and dissatisfied, no, I don't express disgust to my friends about it, and I certainly don't gripe to friends who are much bigger than me about it! That is ill-mannered.

I don't find it a particularly interesting topic of conversation (thankfully nor do my friends) and I'm never quite sure how to navigate it with the acquaintances who do like to bring it up. It doesn't personally make me feel bad, but I don't get whether I'm supposed to give some sort of reassuring compliment or share the sentiment or provide motivation/advice or what.

Maybe they were brought up a certain way- mother not letting them eat much, praise for not eating. Maybe not. It can get tiresome though.

As someone who has been extremely disciplined and in control of eating and now isn’t I can empathise with everyone. It’s good manners not to stealth boast too much though

I feel like complaining today, I am really lardy, I’ve been eating rubbish and not exercising and it shows. The fact I am 12 not size 18 doesn’t make the whispers wobbly fat on my arms any easier to bear though. So maybe give them the benefit of the doubt.

I don't think anyone should whinge about putting weight on. It drives me insane.

I know one person who will whine that she's put weight on and then in the next breath say that she's ordering Dominos. Makes me want to shake her!

Whining about weight is boring. They're either fishing for complements "ooh no! You're size 8, you don't need to lose weight, you're perfect blah blah blah..." or frustrating everybody because instead of taking action they just moan about it. Either shut up and lose weight or be happy in your own skin. I don't care what you look like!

My friends are all beautiful to me.

Sorry that was in response to @Pippa12 .

I agree, it doesn’t matter what size you are, the wobbly bits and lbs on the scales are still disappointing if that’s how you feel, regardless of dress size. In a circle of ‘friends’ they might feel confident enough to say they are feeling unhappy about they’re figure.

I spoke to a lass yesterday who orders bloody jabs off the internet, she’s no idea what’s in them but they suppress her appetite so she doesn’t eat as she wants to be in a bikini for August. Do I ignore her because she’s a size 8 and think she’s stealth boasting and bad mannered!?

I have a close plus size friend, she loves her curves and her husband finds her incredibly sexy and is not into slim women. I’m not offended, I think good for her!

Just let people be.

It’s not a general topic of conversation between my friends, sounds very dull tbh!

“Body Shaming works both ways”

YES!! 👏 👏 sick of being judged for my life choices and people assuming I’m unhappy because I choose to restrict calories sometimes.

Coming back to the topic, yeah you need to stay away from those kind of people if it doesn’t make you happy. Weight for some becomes a compete identity. Then their views just osmosisise onto you. It happens to me when I hang round with my ED friends so I just can’t be friends anymore it’s not fair on me. I know it’s not their fault and they’re happy to be open about it but negative attitudes towards food (either way) do tend to leech into the surrounding people so save yourself if you can💕 No amount of let’s change the topic will probably help this one. It comes off as quite preachy anyway so probably best just to avoid them as much a possible xxx

As long as being attractive and slim is treated as an achievement and women are flattered, complimented, envied and generally treated better for it, there will be those who fear losing it. I don't blame women at all for worrying about these things and seeking reassurance. Its a lot to lose.