Casual sexism from customers

missymarrk · 2022-07-15T11:28:17+00:00

This is somethings that's really getting to me. Should customers be called out for misogynistic language at our workplace? It's a sports venue. Mainly men. Constant comments from stupid men like - who you all tarted you for? What's with the make up? You're only wearing that because there is men about here! Who you got your eye on? Etc. like honestly, I wear make up every day, it's not even like thick lipstick and eyelash extensions, it's a bit of bronzer, mascara and some lipliner and balm. I'm sick of being made to feel embarrassed or questioned the motives of wearing make up or having my hair tidy to work. What's the best way to respond to it?

SkiingIsHeaven · 15/07/2022 12:30

Ignore. They say it because they have a tiny penis and want to feel big.

Original poster

missymarrk · 15/07/2022 12:31

I'd love to be able to say that! 😂

It's the constant - sweetheart, doll, love. Use my name ffs.

OP posts:

007DoubleOSeven · 15/07/2022 12:32

As a 20yo I'd probably ignore it but these days I'd call them out on it. Don't let anyone tell you it's poor customer service/rudeness to do so.
The only people treating others disrespectfully are the men who make those comments and you're fully entitled to tell them to cut it out.
If management don't support you then they shouldn't be managing and if you can look for another job. Or seek employment advice from acas or union.

girlmom21 · 15/07/2022 12:34

"Let's be honest, there's nobody here worth making an effort for."

alphapie · 15/07/2022 12:37

I think it depends on how sexist the comment is. If it's really crossing a line it should be dealt with the same way you'd hope they'd deal with any other abusive comment.

Like it or not, but it's a business, no business owner is going to kick out or 'tell off' 50% plus of their clientele for upsetting a waitress.

It's easier to get rid of the members of staff offended than lose a large chunk of their customers.

Should this be the way? No, people, especially men, should stand up and push back when this shit happens. But unfortunately life doesn't work like that.

Hopefully future generations won't have to deal with it, since it's getting less and less common with younger men this level of 'ok darling' type comments.

AssignedSlytherinAtBirth · 15/07/2022 12:37

I'd be tempted to respond with "What's with the big belly?" or "What's with the bald patch?" but that would be rude, as they are being. I suppose look uncomprehending, and ignore. It sounds as if you look nice, and they don't know how to respond to an attractive woman without trying to put her down. I am sorry you've got to put up with this shit.
For the flip side of the coin, have a look at the current thread "Am I a ghost?" about reaching an age where people just look through you.

RockinHorseShit · 15/07/2022 12:40

As a 15 yo, I once dropped a full tray of dirty dishes in the laps of the dirty old gits harassing me. Lost me the job, so nit sure I'd recommend it unless you're completely done with bosses letting it go. tge 70s we're shit

I'd probably laugh at them now, smile sweetly & say, "well aren't you a misogynistic dinosaur" roll eyes.

At 20 I'd maybe just suggest "oh that's a very dated view of make up, belittle the fecker nicely ofc I'm just doing it for myself

VeronicaBeccabunga · 15/07/2022 12:40

Would it be possible for you to respond to 'sweetheart' etc similarly?
Call them 'darling' and so on, but in a completely neutral deadpan tone?

I'm old enough and totally lacking in fucks to spare that if anyone says 'Can I help you darling' I respond 'I'm not your darling, that'll be Ms Beccabunga to you, thank you'
They think I'm a stuck-up miserable old bat, but I don't care.

CrowsEverywhere · 15/07/2022 12:47

Can you just say calmly "wow, that's so sexist and rude" and look at them. What are they going to do, it is sexist and rude, you shouldn't have to deal with it.

alphapie · 15/07/2022 12:53

CrowsEverywhere · 15/07/2022 12:47

Can you just say calmly "wow, that's so sexist and rude" and look at them. What are they going to do, it is sexist and rude, you shouldn't have to deal with it.

They will most likely complain, and depending how long the OP has been working there it will most likely come back to bite her.

Most in customer service roles can't just insult customers because they've offended them.

AchatAVendre · 15/07/2022 12:54

"Sorry, I didn't quite catch that"

"Nope, sorry,?"

"I just can't make you out. What is it you are trying to say?"

"Nope, it must be your accent or your age or something"

Ad infinitum. They'll soon learn.

However, your workplace really should be dealing with this.

AchatAVendre · 15/07/2022 12:58

Depending on how good you are at keeping a straight face, you can have some fun with this...

What's with the make up?You're only wearing that because there is men about here!*

"You want to wear make up? I don't wear make up myself but I'll ask Susan here if she can help you with it"

"You've got your eye on one of the guys here?" Fake astonishment, swiftly followed by an encouraging "Good for you!" and some "helpful" advice.

They're doing it because you're young and counting on you not being practised enough to stop them.

KettrickenSmiled · 15/07/2022 13:06

Constant comments from stupid men like - who you all tarted you for? What's with the make up? You're only wearing that because there is men about here! Who you got your eye on? Etc
"I don't understand your question."
"I am dressed & made up professionally, for my job here."
"Please refrain from making personal remarks, it is rude & unnecessary."
"Do you need to discuss my face with my manager, or shall we leave it there now?"

It's the constant - sweetheart, doll, love.
"My name is Jane Bentley, you may call me Jane/Ms Bentley"
"Why not use my name, Peter/Mr Customer? - it's Jane"

And @AchatAVendre's advice is good.
Ensure you maintain your composure as you correct these 'men'. Professional to the core, a faint smile (you CAN do this, tell yourself you are smirking at their utter stupidity), & a bright, encouraging tone.
Have fun with it. But never, ever, let them see they have got to you. Just think terrible thoughts, & don't let them show on your face!

10HailMarys · 15/07/2022 13:12

@missymarrk Is it the kind of sports venue where you have regular customers that you know and recognise, eg the bar at a local football or cricket club, or similar? If it is, then I think you can absolutely pull them up on being sexist arseholes - they're being over-familiar because they feel like they know you and they think that it's OK to have what they imagine is 'banter' (hideous word!) because they're regulars in a bar, so it's OK for you to say something cutting in reply I think. They're twats and you can pull them up on it.

If it's something more like, eg, your work is based at a gym or a training venue, and your role is one where you're quite active and dressed in sports kit, and these are literally men who have never seen you before in their lives and they're coming up to you and spontaneously making comments about your makeup because they have some weird idea that nobody can wear makeup and be sporty, then you can still pull them up on it, but I think you'd need to do it in a more serious but polite way - eg 'I'm going to have to ask you not to make personal or sexist comments like that, please - I'm here to do a job and my appearance has nothing to do with that. Now - was there something you wanted to ask?'

worriedatthistime · 15/07/2022 13:16

The sweetheart darling wouldn't bother me so much as its how some people talk , loads of women use hun now for example to both men and women.
But ive never worked anywhere like this , maybe had banter with colleagues as in I don't wear make up so if I went in with a full face some incl women would say , who you trying to impress or similar
But just respond politely back with some one liners

Sexismdoesntrule · 15/07/2022 13:19

007DoubleOSeven · 15/07/2022 12:32

As a 20yo I'd probably ignore it but these days I'd call them out on it. Don't let anyone tell you it's poor customer service/rudeness to do so.
The only people treating others disrespectfully are the men who make those comments and you're fully entitled to tell them to cut it out.
If management don't support you then they shouldn't be managing and if you can look for another job. Or seek employment advice from acas or union.

This all day long.

Don’t put up with it. I complained about someone at work and he was sacked for this exact type of behaviour. I know they’re customers but just because you buy something doesn’t mean you get to be a cunt

DillonPanthersTexas · 15/07/2022 13:23

Just curious, where are you based?

When I visit family in Yorkshire I am constantly called 'sweetheart' or 'love' in shops, restaurants the pub etc. I appreciate context and the manner in which the above is delivered is key but I genuinely feel they are used in a friendly manner or as term of endearment.

As for the 'tarted up' and make up comments, they sound like dicks!

Meraas · 15/07/2022 13:24

alphapie · 15/07/2022 12:37

I think it depends on how sexist the comment is. If it's really crossing a line it should be dealt with the same way you'd hope they'd deal with any other abusive comment.

Like it or not, but it's a business, no business owner is going to kick out or 'tell off' 50% plus of their clientele for upsetting a waitress.

It's easier to get rid of the members of staff offended than lose a large chunk of their customers.

Should this be the way? No, people, especially men, should stand up and push back when this shit happens. But unfortunately life doesn't work like that.

Hopefully future generations won't have to deal with it, since it's getting less and less common with younger men this level of 'ok darling' type comments.

What a depressing response.

CrowsEverywhere · 15/07/2022 13:33

alphapie · 15/07/2022 12:53

They will most likely complain, and depending how long the OP has been working there it will most likely come back to bite her.

Most in customer service roles can't just insult customers because they've offended them.

Show quote history

It's not insulting customers to call out a comment though. I'd put up with sweetheart etc but not being called tarted up or being told I'm looking a certain way just to attract men. I've worked in customer service for many years in the past so I know you have to stay polite but that doesn't extend to actually accepting being insulted. Men like that aren't likely to complain they'll likely just say "alright love calm down I didn't mean anything by it" etc. Working in customer service doesn't mean you have to take every rude, out of order comment in good humour. If they complain any alright manager will the calm the situation down and suggest not to make comments like that to the waitresses. Male customers only do it because they think they can get away with being sexist and rude to the staff- they know it's disrespectful. It's up to an organisation to back their team on not having to put up with constant personal comments from customers.

Lalosalamanca · 15/07/2022 13:37

Lol. I'm female and I call everyone 'luv'. How what that make u feel if you served me and I said 'thanks luv!" ?

Meraas · 15/07/2022 13:38

alphapie · 15/07/2022 12:53

They will most likely complain, and depending how long the OP has been working there it will most likely come back to bite her.

Most in customer service roles can't just insult customers because they've offended them.

Show quote history

You keep giving really bad advice to be passive. Just stop.

MagpiePi · 15/07/2022 13:47

girlmom21 · 15/07/2022 12:34

"Let's be honest, there's nobody here worth making an effort for."

I think this kind of comment, said in total seriousness.

BlooDeBloop · 15/07/2022 13:59

I worked with a very astute woman in front of house role. I imagine her response to these kinds of comments. She would have joked about him being a cheeky bloke, all laughs but saying it straight. What would your wife think etc. Before diverting him on to other stuff - weather, food etc. Or she might play along 'i put me makeup on just for you....no really. Only joking.'

Hit back with banter. Men understand this.

WaveyHair · 15/07/2022 14:00

Either 'Sorry, you were saying something sweetpea?' and walkout

or like a past female colleague used to respond these sorts of enquiries Who you got your eye on? was 'You, only you, let's go make lots of babies, I know where you live!!" she was a bit of a stalker as well 😁

Meraas · 15/07/2022 14:03

BlooDeBloop · 15/07/2022 13:59

I worked with a very astute woman in front of house role. I imagine her response to these kinds of comments. She would have joked about him being a cheeky bloke, all laughs but saying it straight. What would your wife think etc. Before diverting him on to other stuff - weather, food etc. Or she might play along 'i put me makeup on just for you....no really. Only joking.'

Hit back with banter. Men understand this.

What the actual fuck. 😳