To want to just quit my job and disappear

[Bnxybee]

I work in a fast-paced catering environment and although I have a strong work ethic and try my best, I’m always messing things up and getting told off. It has destroyed my confidence - along with a volatile marriage and a lack of money.

I have an ADHD diagnosis and sometimes I am very forgetful. The other day, I accidentally sold a food item that had ran out so had to refund the customer. I rolled my eyes at what I had done and the chef went ballistic at me and accused me of being disrespectful. After that, I got
my words muddled and said “beef and mushroom” instead of “chicken and mushroom”. I was just about to correct myself when the chef started shouted.

Usually, there is one person serving and one person on the till. The person serving is in charge of taking the order and giving it to the person on the till - unless there’s food that needs cooking, in that case the person on the till takes the order. Yesterday, I had rang the order through when the customer suddenly decided they wanted sauce (my job) so I had to do that for them. When I was done, I was two orders behind and could see my coworker staring and shaking their head at me. It’s not my bloody fault if a customer changes their mind or orders sauces and drinks right at the end.

Yesterday, I got somebody’s food mixed up because the girl I was working with had chucked the receipt and didn’t communicate much with me. I’m not exactly sure what happened but of course I got blamed because she’s new and is normally such a speedy worker which they value over everything else.

My face just doesn’t fit and it’s like they’re waiting for me to mess up. I’ve overheard them talking about me whilst I’m trying to serve customers and they’re all in this really tight clique that doesn’t include me.

I come home from work so depressed and DH doesn’t understand because he thinks serving is easy. He likes to point out that when he worked as a waiter in a pub aged 20, they asked him to be manager. He’s telling the truth. He has a photographic memory and easily takes charge of situations.

I want to quit but I can’t because I’ll be sanctioned by UC and we won’t be able to pay bills. I feel so defeated today. DH chose a house we can’t afford and an expensive car on finance he never insured me on (so I had to get my own as I was a carer at the time). I feel utterly trapped and I don’t know how to get myself out of this situation.

It’s horrible when you are working somewhere and the staff are unhelpful or unwelcoming.

I used to work in catering, customers can be frustrating at the best of times and it makes things difficult when they change their minds and make additional work! Some chefs are very impatient and aggressive, I’ve only ever work with 2 sweet and patient chefs, the rest were shouty & sweary, very Gordon Ramsey!
No wonder you are going home depressed, DH doesn’t sound very sympathetic though. Just because he enjoyed the job X years ago doesn’t mean it’s a job that you have to enjoy, especially in a hostile work place.

Him choosing to buy an expensive car on finance and an expensive home are a different issue (did you co-sign? Why did you go along with it?) is there anyone at the job centre you could speak to about courses or training so you could find something would enjoy more? Keep looking, hopefully something you would be better suited to will turn up soon. Good luck.

I just wanted to bump in the hope someone else comes along who has some better advice. Hang on in there

Oh, op I'm sorry you're going through this

It seems clear that as well as being bullied, you also have a DH problem, but let's start with work.

If you can't afford the sanctions, then you need to keep going with job but start looking for something - anything - else.

You don't need me to tell you that chefs are notorious for being foul mouthed and bad tempered, but this isn't you screwing up. This is your face not fitting as you say. Get out before they destroy your self esteem completely.

Does your DH work? Why is he buying things you can't afford and not insuring you on the new car? There seems to be a power imbalance here, without going into his lack on sensitivity about your work, he sounds selfish. Is there a fair split of household work or do you take on all this too?

Sounds like a toxic bullying workplace that's doing you no good. Plenty of other restaurants need staff but maybe that busy environment is unsuitable for you.

Check out local HE/FE can you do admin work instead? They are always looking for people and have great ts and cs usually.