Or is it impossible for people to commit these days???

[tvod2244]

Grrrr - just need to vent!

I'm having a housewarming party at the weekend (moved into my home earlier this year) and have had the date set since March. Sent invites super early as really wanted to get everyone together now that I'm settled into my new house.

Had immediate responses from 90% of those invited saying yes, and others RSVP'd yes as the weeks went on.

3 days before the party and around half of those who said yes to coming are pulling out. Various excuses.

I'm not one to throw many parties so I was really looking forward to having all of my family and friends together on what will be a lovely day (food and drinks provided!!!!). Now I just feel a bit deflated. I would understand if I had asked people last-minute and they had alternative plans, but the invites were sent months ago on purpose. The food and drink has all been ordered in based on the numbers of those that RSVP'd.

It's becoming increasingly difficult to meet up with people as they seem to flake out on plans more often than not. This just feels like a final straw moment, and I cba to make the efforts with a lot of these people anymore!!

AIBU? Or is anyone else finding this with people atm?

I'm wondering if people are seeing the huge spike in Covid cases and are now excusing themselves.

Maybe because of the heatwave?

@Mally100 10 drop outs days before a wedding could cost the bride and groom a lot of money. My wedding cost £120 a head so that would have cost me £1200. How is that ok?!

The heat and the fact you gave 4 months notice probably means they've found other plans to do. Most people need a couple of weeks notice for a little housewarming party, if you give them too much time they're less excited and end up forgetting about it.

So you think it's acceptable for someone with covid to attend regardless of everyone else? That is a dick move to me.

Personally I’d see a house warming as quite a casual event. Four months before is strange to me… it may be that people have said “yeh why not” and forgotten.

I haven't noticed this among my own friends but I have heard lots of people saying it so I don't think it's just you. And to be fair I've known most of my friends 10+ years and have already managed to ditch most of the ones with a tendency to flake along the way

I agree that it's very rude if you don't have a good reason. I think with group events people sometimes think it's ok because it's not inconveniencing you if they drop out, but they don't take into account the effect of lots of other people deciding to do the same thing.

You are not being unreasonable

Unfortunately, people can just be so rubbish sometimes. Genuine excuses for example childcare issues, illnesses are understandable

I married in April and we had around 5-10 guests pull out the few days leading up to the wedding day for various crappy excuses. One wanted to go watch the boxing instead, one booked a last minute holiday because it was £15 per person cheaper…

We had a few pull out on the day of engagement party and I had one friend pull out of my hen do 3 hours before we left

It’s so frustrating and it’s easier said than done but focus on the people that did come. I was so stressed when the stupid excuses came in the day or two before the wedding and I was so hurt and worried about missing these people BUT I didn’t, not one bit and had such a good time with everyone who came

YANBU OP. Obviously if they have Covid/are sick/have a genuine reason then of course that is fair enough.

But 50%? Wowzas. How many guests did you initially invite, out of curiosity?

I hear you! I had a big birthday party organised last year and like you sent invites out in plenty of time. I found that some wouldn’t commit one way or the other and I had 16 cancel on the day itself! So stressful! FFS just want a yes or no it’s not that hard! I still had lots of people that did come and they still talk about what a good night it was.

If you put something in your diary when you're invited and you accept how can you just forget about it?

Thanks everyone for your thoughts! Glad to hear IANBU.
The most frustrating thing is that I've been in touch with all those invited since sending the invites, and the party has been talked about a lot in the meantime too. One of the not-anymore-guests even asked if I could cater to their dietary requirements, and I actually did; I spent a considerable amount of £ to make sure they had somethings they could eat. Grrrrrr.
I do wonder if Covid has made people a bit slack on the social front.
About 50 people invited all together. Let's see how many actually arrive x

I agree, I actually found this started before covid when I reached mid thirties about 6 years ago suddenly people were 'busy' but seemed to have time for other friends. I really struggle with the feeling of rejection so I stopped trying. I now have 2 friends who are happy to chat on sm and met a few times a year. 2 friends to have coffee with in the week. And a group of couple friends who we meet a few times a year. I'd like something a bit more consistent but I'm not pushing for it.

Just popping by to say that I hope it goes well @tvod2244 and that you have a wonderful time

That's crap OP but to me it's not a new thing, I've observed this my whole life. I'm 35, so it's been a trend for at least 15 years.

People are so unreliable these days! Even at work I’m noticing that even when asked to come in for a quarterly event many don’t. It’s like everyone has forgotten social etiquette.

I hope your party is a success!

I think very much that social etiquette is much poorer now. A lot more people,think it is acceptable to decline last minute as though it is a restaurant booking. I have noticed that many more people don't entertain at their house. We used to do a yearly BBQ for friends and neighbours and noticed that no one ever did anything back, even the off event...so we stopped doing except for close friends and unbelievably then got asked by people, mainly neighbours why we had stopped doing it

I think, generally, society has shifted from 'duty = must honour my commitments" to 'put yourself first' and this is an example

I'm older, wouldn't dream of pulling out of a party after accepting an invitation

On MN, I often see people saying "stuff that, I wouldn't want to go either, just invent a tummy bug / covid on the day"

And I agree with a PP that guests will think of a housewarming as a casual, drop in event. You always take these things more personally when you're the host

I hope the party goes well. Going forward, I would prioritise the reliable friends and accept that the flaky ones may become less close friendships. Don't bother trying to change them. It's a waste of time

I really hate when people cancel
Last minute. I also hate the guilt when I have to cancel, it happens very very rarely but obviously things can happen. You end up not only missing something you where looking forward to but you have the added guilt of being seem as flakey.

It's rude and hurtful. People can be such dicks.