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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this woman is right

37 replies

jellyfrizz · 14/07/2022 13:40

To be annoyed about this 'random act of kindness' and not want his stupid flowers or to be displayed to millions on TikTok for his benefit.

www.theguardian.com/technology/2022/jul/14/melbourne-woman-dehumanised-by-viral-tiktok-filmed-without-her-consent

OP posts:
ghostyslovesheets · 14/07/2022 13:44

YANBU - I saw the video on FB and I thought 'what a self serving twat' all 'look at me what a lovely person I am' - also choosing an older woman - like all us oldies are sad, lonely and need kindness shoved at us by people hoping for likes!

Dotjones · 14/07/2022 13:45

The point of "random acts of kindness" is they should be for the benefit of the recipient, not the giver.

Clearly in this case it's all about the person making the video. Otherwise, he'd have asked for the person's consent before uploading it.

The "creator" is clearly an incredibly arrogant person. They know best, they know what random strangers will be grateful for.

Lefeutraining · 14/07/2022 13:49

If he really wanted to be kind, he'd be handing out ten pound notes in secret.

girlmom21 · 14/07/2022 13:52

She's absolutely right. He just wants social media fame. He's not a nice person doing a nice thing.

Sorefrog · 14/07/2022 13:52

I love that woman. She put the patronising arsehat back in his box.

It’s not a kindness to film someone without their consent to put it on TikTok so everyone can see how nice you are.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 14/07/2022 13:52

It is not a random act if the person doing it has decided in advance to film it. True acts of kindness are done without the intention to broadcast it to others afterwards. This man has an agenda - to big himself up, seek fame, etc.

ShirleyPhallus · 14/07/2022 13:53

I 100% agree with the woman and think her quote is fantastic. What a patronising little prick, it isn’t an act of kindness if the intention is to attract a load of comments about how amazing you are.

This is the very worst of social media, this idea of filming interactions that the other person hasn’t consented to then posting them online.

See also: the deliveroo driver who opened a woman’s boots order that was a pregnancy test or similar then filmed her reaction and posted it online; and all the bozos who set up homeless people / children on the street then try and shame anyone who walks past them

10HailMarys · 14/07/2022 13:54

YANBU; I'm definitely on Maree's side!

It's not a random act of kindness if you're filming it for content, and it's a dick move to film strangers without their consent.

Beees · 14/07/2022 13:58

YANBU. He's obviously an attention seeking twat and good on her for calling him out on his behaviour.

Random acts of kindness cease being kind when someone only does them with the sole intention of creating content and gaining followers.

jellyfrizz · 14/07/2022 14:00

I bet he doesn't go round giving flowers to young men.

OP posts:
Beees · 14/07/2022 14:02

jellyfrizz · 14/07/2022 14:00

I bet he doesn't go round giving flowers to young men.

Of course he doesn't they aren't content worthy.

I'd be interested to know how much he profited off this lovely lady who was just minding her own business.

yellowsmileyface · 14/07/2022 14:33

YANBU. Good on that woman for speaking out against it!

It's like the videos out there of people giving money to the homeless, it's disgusting to see them using other people as props and then getting their egos stroked for it!

Headbandheart · 14/07/2022 14:40

A tale as old as time apparently. Not religous but even I recall Matthew 6 1-4. That dude Jesus summed it up well…was clearly a problem back then even without social media 🤷🏼‍♀️

Paslaptis · 14/07/2022 15:14

YANBU.

I was stalked and testified against the perp, who went to prison (for many reasons, not just what he did to me) but is now out. It's been over fifteen years and I live in a different country, but I still panicked and froze when I was approached last year by a roving television crew getting "candid" reactions to a big news story.

It was a reputable media outlet I recognised, but I absolutely did not want to be (in my mind, absolutely COULD NOT BE) recorded and broadcast! Even thought they only got my face for a few seconds and then me holding my hands over it and turning away, even though they promised not to use the footage, it was a serious source of anxiety.

Every time I see something like this, I pray the "random" target isn't a crime victim, a domestic violence survivor, someone who's relocated, changed name, disguised themselves, etc. for their own protection. It's horrible that people with no accountability do this; NOTHING they get out of it can be worth the harm or trauma they may be causing the person they target. And now in addition to the self-styled philanthropists and amateur sociologists, you've also got reddit/*chan bros encouraging men to film themselves hitting on women in the street and accusing them of all sorts when they don't play along. (And yes, for the reddit stuff it definitely is women who are targeted, and I think disproportionately older women.)

ErrolTheDragon · 14/07/2022 15:21

YANBU.
Self-serving idiot.

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/07/2022 15:21

Good point @Paslaptis

Also, flowers are a ballache at the best of times. Find a vase, fill it, watch them die. And that's when you're at home. Having to get them home is a PITA as well. I'll do it for a really nice bunch from someone I love. I'd like that.

But a meaningless, cheap bunch of garage flowers from some stranger? No thanks.

And just so it's out there, some of the happiest people I know are older, single women. They please themselves, don't give a fuck and have a great life.

georgarina · 14/07/2022 15:23

Yes it's self serving BUT I would rather people get attention for random acts of kindness than pranking people/being dicks.

bloodyunicorns · 14/07/2022 15:26

Well done to Maree. Great response.

Alwayswonderedwhy · 14/07/2022 15:26

Awful. I don't think people who do this actually stop and think about the impact it could have on someone. I'd be so upset if I were her.
No normal person feels the need to film themselves being kind. I hate the trend for it.

LeggyLinda · 14/07/2022 15:26

Lefeutraining · 14/07/2022 13:49

If he really wanted to be kind, he'd be handing out ten pound notes in secret.

That reminds me of a video I seen of a “content provider” that was doing just that (obvs not in secret though).
one encounter was filmed by someone else and showed them getting very angry that the recipient wouldn’t give the money back after the filming finished.
I think I saw a similar one where they gave a child a new iPhone too and expected it back after they’d got the footage.
Dicks the lot of them.

MugginsOverEre · 14/07/2022 15:34

I can just imagine someone trying to pay for MIL's shopping. She'd rip them apart for trying to make her look like she needed charity or financial help to buy groceries. Imagine Hyacinth Bucket (Bouquet!) crossed with the temper of Victor Meldrew.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 14/07/2022 15:37

Oh she is SO right!

And she articulates her irritation so beautifully.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 14/07/2022 15:39

And as for him saying he will take it down if she calls him?! She has made herself very clear. Take it down already.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 14/07/2022 15:40

Lefeutraining · 14/07/2022 13:49

If he really wanted to be kind, he'd be handing out ten pound notes in secret.

This. If the gesture was truly with the best intentions, it wouldn't be filmed. You can spread kindness without filming it.

IncompleteSenten · 14/07/2022 15:43

TheYearOfSmallThings · 14/07/2022 15:39

And as for him saying he will take it down if she calls him?! She has made herself very clear. Take it down already.

He likely wants her to call him so he can be a twat to her about it.

If I was her, I'd call him but I'd record it and if he was an arse, I'd post it.

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