To want to cut them off?

[meppy5]

I did NCT when pregnant with my first. I now have two DC. As a group, there are 5 of us that still hang out regularly, all with 1,2 or 3 DC.

I just feel that recently a few of them have taken any opportunity to make me feel shit and belittled.

There have been comments when I've hosted that our house is too small for them all to come here (we have a 1930s 3 bed semi, so not massive, but surely average?) There have been comments about why wouldn't we consider private education for the kids (er because we can't afford it!). There was even a comment about our second hand car (an Astra) and how we manage with a car that size with two kids and a dog (fair enough, it's a squeeze, but what's it to them?) It's not like we're poor. We earn £80k combined. But we do have to be careful. But we live a happy and content life!

But this one takes the biscuit - yesterday one of them said it was such a "huge shame" that my DC don't eat breakfast at home and that surely that's the least I should do before going to work. They have it at nursery (they both sleep in so by the time they're up we're all off out the house). She couldn't believe it that I don't feed my child in a morning and also said well if you don't collect them til 5.30, what's the point, surely you only see them for a few hours a day? Yup. Welcome to the real world.

I just feel like my life, very different to all of theirs (I would say mainly because of finances, house sizes etc) is up for judgement all of the time and I'm a bit sick of it. I'm genuinely happy in my life but always come away from these meet ups feeling a bit shit about myself.

So aibu to just cut ties?! I'm not one for confrontation so how would I even do that?

Name changed as potentially outing

Life's to short for judgmental shitty friends, cut them off.

Oh god YANBU, you're a saint for putting up with their crap for so long.

NCT can be very hit and miss for forming those promised life long friendships with other parents, I binned off the parents from mine once DS was 1.

I tell my DD who is 11, life is too short for friends that make you sad.

I say the same to you.

Ditch them and go meet your tribe (I appreciate that bit can be tricky with kids)

They're not friends! Just block and leave them to it!

I would slowly phase them out, stop being available for future meet ups and don't offer to have them over. They don't sound like nice people.

Yep life is absolutely too short for this kind of bullshit. Cut.

You don’t have to announce your departure if you don’t like confrontation; just mute and archive the WhatsApp groups (assuming that’s how you stay in touch). If any of them message you to check why you’re quiet, just be vague, say you’ve got a lot going on but all fine etc and that should keep them from pestering you.

Are they all millionaires or something?

I've never understood the whole I must have something in common and be friends with people just because I accidentally got knocked up at the same time as them.

I would block and delete them all.

Have they always been like this?

No, I wouldn’t want to be friends with anyone who said things like that to me. I would have said something long ago though!

If you are made to feel bad by them and their unkind thoughtless comments then why are they still considered to be friends is what I say OP

I cut ties with my NCT group for a similar reason years ago. I found breastfeeding really hard and that was tutted at, I felt like Phoebe from Friends always ordering the cheap thing when we went out. We weren't struggling but couldn't throw money away on expensive meals.

The final straw, which will date me, we were all due to get a voucher for the Child Cash Trust Fund for £250 from the government. One of the mums said it didn't really matter what they did with it as it was such a small amount of money, and the others agreed! I looked shocked and then again felt like the poor one. I couldn't imagine calling £250 a small amount of money!

Cut them off 100% Friends aren't supposed to make you come away feeling like shit.

I'm good friends with two of the women from my NCT and see them weekly. My DC is 20 months now. I don't bother with the other two. One just didn't click with me but was perfectly nice and the other was an absolute spoilt madam.

I didn't go into it expecting to remain friends with all of them though. I feel lucky I got two for the price of one - as one good mum friend was always my aim! Ditch the bitches.

This has reminded me of another thing! I was giddy the other month because we qualified for the 30 free hours childcare. Two of them were moaning because their DHs earn over the threshold to qualify for it so they "only got the 15 hours"

OP my life sounds very similar to yours, 30s semi, work full time, same combined income, child eats breakfast at nursery. I didn’t do NCT because during lockdown it was online only for the same price as normal. I have however seen NCT groups taking over our local play cafe and they sound very similar. The other week they were bitching about poor Toby who isn’t crawling yet and it’s because his mum just doesn’t try hard enough. I am so glad I didn’t do NCT. Sack them off for sure. I have made a few friends just chatting in the local park if you wanted to find different mum friends.

Is this one person or several? I wouldn't cut off a whole group over one bitch, but if they are all generally like this then they serve no benefit to your life.
You shouldn't let these comments slide though - you have to counter them at the time, otherwise she thinks it's acceptable to speak to you this way. Stick up for yourself.
So long as your child is getting breakfast, it really doesn't matter if you are pouring the cereal or the nursery worker! You need to start telling this woman that when you want her opinion on your parenting you'll let her know and in the meantime she can mind her own business!

Yeah I'd phase them out slowly too, and not be so available for meet ups.

If anyone asks you why you're not joining in, tell them you're trying to raise your DC to be accepting and non-judgemental of others, and thought they wouldn't learn the right lessons from the company you were keeping.

Just ditch them. I ditched mine at about 8 weeks pp as they were so awful. Judgey about me not being able to bf, obviously a lot richer than me and frankly not one I would have chosen to be friends with.

I never regretted it, I made friends at baby classes I went to. Life's too short for shit friends. And all hail the moment you get your free hours. I'm on a 2 year countdown for my youngest!!

Thank you so much everyone. You've made me feel less crappy and I think I might try the phasing out. Why couldn't you lot have been in my nct group?!

Very rude of them. Just slowly drift away from people like this. I have friends who constantly talk about money and I have done the same.

@WhenDovesFly

Your 2nd paragraph is pure gold - brilliant potential response!