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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christmas plans

27 replies

Christmasfun2022 · 14/07/2022 12:39

Posting here for traffic as wasn’t sure where to put this topic! Those of you who are in the situation of having grandparents live far enough away where it’s not possible to go there and back in a day ie over 2 hours, and young kids (ours will be 1 and 4), what do you do over Christmas? So far we’ve always stayed at theirs or hosted loads of people for a week at ours - both of which I find stressful 😂. Now we have the kids the thought of loading kids, dogs, presents into the car to go to grandparents for a few days of stressful family gathering seems like too much. Would rather stay put, have local relatives over just for lunch, and meet up with them somewhere on Boxing Day or week between Xmas and new year. But I’m afraid of letting people down and breaking the status quo. So, others in this situation, what do you do?

OP posts:
Original poster
Christmasfun2022 · 14/07/2022 12:42

Ps all of my friends are in the situation where grandparents are close enough so they can just pop over for lunch without extended stays or lots of travelling hence asking here

OP posts:
Sanfranciscobabe · 14/07/2022 12:45

We have Christmas at home and see far away family for ‘fake Christmas’ either side.

RaininSummer · 14/07/2022 12:46

If the grandparents aren't very old, could they come down but stay in nearby hotel. Then they can come to you for dinner and early evening etc but not stay.

Original poster
Christmasfun2022 · 14/07/2022 12:48

Yes, in the future a hotel would definitely be an option - this year specifically they are hosting though so worried about telling them we won’t be coming to stay for a week

OP posts:
Theladybirdthatsaidboo · 14/07/2022 12:51

It’s July.

We stay at home. Anyone who wants to come to us is more than welcome (for the day or maybe overnight- not a week!). Anyone vaguely local I’m happy to go to them on another day in the Christmas season. Anyone the other end of the country I will visit at a less crazy time of year. I wouldn’t leave eg an elderly Grandparent entirely alone for Christmas Day but I’m not bothered about seeing the entire family at Christmas- I have the whole year to fill with social stuff!

Dinoteeth · 14/07/2022 12:52

Say sorry not travelling this year. You come to us next year.

Dita73 · 14/07/2022 12:52

The C word?! In July?!! NOOOOOOO!!!!

Original poster
Christmasfun2022 · 14/07/2022 12:53

I know it’s July, didn’t think of that, sorry! 😂😂 came in conversation yesterday as SIL said that her mum is hosting Christmas…

OP posts:
Original poster
Christmasfun2022 · 14/07/2022 12:54

Sorry pressed post too soon, and I got thinking about how stressful it would be to travel with the kids, and all their presents!

OP posts:
caringcarer · 14/07/2022 12:57

I'm a Nan and my dd and GC live over 2 hours away and we do Xmas one weekend in December before Xmas. Dd and dgc come to us and I make a Xmas dinner and give dgc their sacks of stocking filler presents also book to take them to visit Santa and we go out looking for Xmas lights. On as day the zoom call me and open their big Xmas gift from me.

Dinoteeth · 14/07/2022 12:58

I'll forgive you but sometimes the sooner these things are mentioned the better.

Yodaisawally · 14/07/2022 12:59

Once we had kids we have stayed home on Christmas day. Anyone who wants to can come to us, happy to host not for a fucking week though. best decision ever.

Put your foot down now, your kids will want to be at home playing with their toys.

Original poster
Christmasfun2022 · 14/07/2022 13:01

Thanks guys you are all saying what I wanted to hear! I need to be brave and say this is what is happening, I think it will be nicer for the kids as well.

OP posts:
Flederjo · 14/07/2022 13:01

Christmasfun2022 · 14/07/2022 12:48

Yes, in the future a hotel would definitely be an option - this year specifically they are hosting though so worried about telling them we won’t be coming to stay for a week

Why the eff do you need to stay for a week if you do go?!

HannahSternDefoe · 14/07/2022 13:05

Just tell them you're not travelling an more.

When the kids get a bit older you won't want to snatch their presents from them and bundle the into a car for a 4hr round trip and you won't fit all the stuff for the dogs, all your clothes etc and the kids gifts in the car to go there unless you hire a van let alone the return journey with all the extra gifts - so start now.

They don't have 2 little kids and dogs, so they can come to you at some point between 25/12 to 1/1 for a couple of days - remember to attach details of a local hotel for more than one night.

Don't leave it any longer or you'll regret it especially if you're stuck there for a week

HannahSternDefoe · 14/07/2022 13:07

<sigh> any more... them into a car
obvs...🤦‍♀️

ghostyslovesheets · 14/07/2022 13:12

always done Christmas Day as just us - usually see my mum around the 27th as she lives 2 hours away - sometimes stay until New Year

bridgetreilly · 14/07/2022 13:15

YABU to be afraid. Decide what works for your family, tell everyone else, job done.

alphapie · 14/07/2022 13:17

We stay in hotels, travel up Christmas morning (as none in the UK live more than 4 hours away) and stay at a hotel that night and potentially for Boxing Day evening too.

stopringingme · 14/07/2022 13:18

We stay at home on Christmas Day as DH usually works Boxing Day and visit Grandparents for a day before or after Christmas (depending on days off) they live over 2hrs away - we have never stayed with them and never would there is no need, I like my own home too much !

shiningstar2 · 14/07/2022 13:23

If you can't get out of going away this year I would have Christmas Eve and Christmas morning at your own house. All the excitement. Then load car to go to hosts for Xmas lunch. Stay overnight so no drive back. A few drinks with the grownups when kids are in bed. Drive home boxing day. Possibly straight after breakfast. More than enough time and the kids are straight back home to enjoy their presents. Tell everyone in good time for next year that you are staying home for Christmas day. You can add (if you feel like it) that you are inviting everybody over for a buffet on Boxing Day. Personally I would chill out on Boxing Day. Give yourself time to rest/tidy up/prepare and have people the day after boxing day 😀

5foot5 · 14/07/2022 13:26

After DD was born (she is 26 now) we were always at home for Christmas and told our parents they could come to us if they wanted. By the time DD was 3 a pattern had been established where we always had a pre Christmas get together for my family at my eldest sisters (she had the biggest house) and Mum stayed with her for Christmas. For Christmas itself PILs stayed with us for a few days.

More than 20 years on there is just very elderly FIL and we always have him for at least a week

Mumofcats5 · 14/07/2022 13:30

Dare I say it, the benefit of the last few years has meant Christmas is just us at home (DH, DS, dogs and cats) and we visit in laws as and when around the period.
My in laws won't host us, my dad and his wife won't host us on the day and you know what, I rather enjoy not having to dash everywhere on the day.
Also, it is July but I do need to have this conversation with my dad now. My in laws probably the week before!?!

Original poster
Christmasfun2022 · 14/07/2022 13:37

Yes, I agree about benefit of the last few years. Last Christmas I’d just had c section so they came for an extended stay over Christmas - 2 weeks! to ‘help’ it was a bloody night mare and don’t know what possessed me to agree. But do love them in small doses. Year before was Covid and hate saying this but it was the most wonderful, stress free Christmas. MIL is very much loving hosting and still in the ‘have all the family together’ mindset so don’t want to offend, but also not kick off an assumption that we will be hosting them as we are staying put, ie the whole circus gets moved to ours. Think strategy will be go in with a firm plan. Ie we will have a quiet one at home on the day, but will meet up with you at x place, at x time on 26/27/28 whatever 🤷‍♀️😂

OP posts:
mogtheexcellent · 14/07/2022 13:38

some of us have to plan work commitments etc so July is fine for planning.

FWIW I alternate with my parents who live 4 hours away so we go for a few days and dinner at the inlaws who live 10 mins from us so we get to stay home more. The year we stay home we head to my parents for new year asn their town has fireworks and its my DDads birthday.

But then we only have DD and one DDog so its a tad easier.

<goes back to researching the best santa for this years visit... bookings open in August/september dont you know. the one we wanted last year sold out before I could book>