Fed up with mental health ‘advice’

[Cloudywithachancee]

NC for this

I have a mental illness, a personality disorder that doesn’t necessarily have a treatment. People go to therapy but a lot of therapists turn down clients with my illness as it is known for being untreatable.

I suffer with extreme mood changes from euphoria to the worst depressive episodes. I’m currently going through the latter and I’m fed up with people not understanding that self care for your mental health will do nothing for a mental illness. I 100% understand that for a neurotypical person exercise, meditation and stress management boosts mental health but for me it is not going to do a thing.

I feel it’s not hard to understand the difference between general low mood and mental illness. It’s like telling a T1 diabetic to have healthy eating habits.

argh! Just needed to vent but AIBU to find this frustrating

Hmmm I think it’s a difficult one. I have CPTSD and a personality disorder, but still find that some of the general self care advice (eg, bringing attention to my thoughts and emotions using mindfulness) can be really helpful when I stick to it and create a habit out of it. It helps me become less emotionally reactive and stop disassociating too.

On the other hand, no amount of yoga is going to cure my CPSTD and my ADHD makes it difficult for me to turn most of these things into a habit anyway.

I actually think that different things work for different people regardless of the condition and if that advice doesn’t work for you then ignore it and keep searching. It took me a long time to find the things that worked for me, and I have good management tools in place now. I don’t think I’ll ever be ‘cured’ though.

I’m sorry you’re struggling to get the right help though, that is shitty.

Yabu with your generalisation. I have mental health problems and self care and mindfulness help massively. They aren’t a cure but neither is the medication and therapy they are all just part of the overall picture of keeping me generally stable.

People mean well, they can’t know the ins and outs of every medical condition and are usually just trying to think of something ‘nice’ to say

I disagree. I have a serious mental illness and self-care and other "strategies" do help. I think it depends on the person and the illness.

Ill-informed randoms piping up and suggesting "why don't you try walks in the country?" (Or similar) when you've been battling a serious mental illness for years that they have very little understanding of, and you've tried "walks in the country" and multiple other strategies many times, is incredibly annoying though.

I feel you. A lot of people don't seem to understand the difference between depression and sadness, so will try to make suggestions like go for a walk/have a nice meal/watch a funny film. But when you're depressed all those things just feel so empty and joyless. Plus depression seems to physically weigh you down so it's hard to have the energy to do those things, especially knowing you're not going to get any joy out of them.

I do understand those people mean well, but it does get frustrating.

I don't YABU but self care is still important, no it won't cure your mental illness but it's still an important base for treatment to be built on. Much like how type 1 diabetics still do need to eat healthily so if you knew a diabetic person eating haribo regularly you might worry about that.

I don't agree at all, for starters type 1 diabetics do need to have healthy eating habits.
I have had CPTSD for 50 years and manage to hold down a full time job in the NHS by accessing a range of treatments from medication changes to hypnosis when its bad.

Yanbu
”soft” mental “illnesses” get a lot of coverage and have become trendy. Ie the need we seem to have to pathologise normal human reactions, call everything we don’t like “trauma” and almost encourage a victim mentality around issues that are usually inevitable due to the ridiculous pressures of modern life.

Meanwhile, serious mental disorders are the things no one wants to have, know anyone with or talk about.

Yes, I know what you mean. To be honest, most advice is unsolicited and therefore likely to irritate in any case.

I have one friend for whom drinking more water will cure all ills. I mean, it is good to drink water but there are times when that just won’t do it.

I’ve also met people who start recommending mad woo cures for things - but those aren’t my friends.

I feel it’s not hard to understand the difference between general low mood and mental illness. It’s like telling a T1 diabetic to have healthy eating habits.

Well T1 diabetics who don't have a healthy diet and therefore good all-round control of their blood sugar levels tend to have increased morbidity, including peripheral neuropathy, kidney damage and blindness, and a shorter life expectancy.

So your use of diabetes as an analogy was a pretty poor way to get YOUR point across but probably in reality a fair comparison.

Everyone's mental health would benefit from good life choices, healthy diet and exercise in outdoor spaces, yours included.

Everyone's mental health would benefit from good life choices, healthy diet and exercise in outdoor spaces

That's a huge over-simplification, though. I speak as someone who has made good life choices, eats healthily and exercises regularly outdoors, and also has more than one mental illness.

If was feeling a bit fed-up, then sure, a run in the park might make me a feel a bit better. But when I'm actually unwell, it does absolutely jack-shit for my mental health. In fact, it's actually when things like that stop making me feel better that I know I'm having a depressive episode and am not just a bit sad or stressed. Similarly, a healthy diet and some fresh air is not going to cure my OCD, which is primarily the 'O' type - intrusive thoughts of horrific self-harm hang around in my head regardless of whether I eat a healthy balanced meal or a Pot Noodle and a Twix.

I think the term 'mental health' has become almost meaningless, as people now use it interchangeably to mean 'general mental wellbeing and coping with stress' but also use it in connection with overcoming clinical mental illnesses. Those are two very, very different things.

I have a personality disorder and some complex mental health conditions myself. Apart from working part time as a teenager, I have never been stable enough to hold down a full time job or study (or many normal things like ever having a boyfriend/girlfriend, etc). I have had a lot of unsolicited advice over the years but just smile and nod. Even a close relative thought it was 'just all in the mind!' and 'teen stuff' when I first got ill. Love her as family because I feel a duty, hate her personality and morals though.

It's actually a mild physical problem, in this case adult acne that I have had since around 19 that I get advice for that pisses me off the most. 'drink more water!' is the one that is prescribed by knobheads for that. I drink TOO much bloody water! I drink between 3 - 4 litres a day and have made myself physically ill before when I push it. And been drinking it ever since I got the intrusive thoughts saying my family would die if I didn't drink it when I was 19. Trust me 18 years of drinking a lot of water does not and will cure acne.

Some people will just talk bullshit a lot of the time.

I know a type 1 diabetic who is frequently lectured about healthy diet by professionals and it drives her absolutely potty. So rant away!

You're not correct in that organic MH issues cannot be supported (not cured) by lifestyle and healthy living choices.

I do get the general point though about well meaning advice not really recognising the severity of MH issues, the 'go for a walk' type of advice or diet advice, yoga, meditation etc. These issues are very very helpful for maintenance. But they can never be a cure in the way medication can be if thats what the patient needs.

Your analogy of diabetes is a poor one though, as with any physical health need, lifestyle impacts on our physical health in a huge way.

Part of your PD may well be that you are more prone to dismissing advice and guidance about your lifestyle and how you see the world.

A lot of this is very true.

Im amazed at how 'triggered' everyone is, how traumatised, everyone's behaviour is out trauma and they cant cope. The pathologification of normal human behaviours and emotions I think is really damaging.

I understand completely. Everyone thinks they’re an expert on mental health because they listened to a podcast / read an article / had a cat that was depressed etc. Different things help different people. And those of us with serious mental health problems have probably already tried all the well know strategies. Sometimes, all you need is just a bit of empathy, or a listening ear. Not some half baked advice from someone who doesn’t understand or thinks you should just pull yourself together.

Lack of self care makes pretty much everything worse though. It's easy to forget that, and it's easy to prioritise other things.

Effective self care- which may not look the same for you as it does for your neighbour- is really essential!

If was feeling a bit fed-up, then sure, a run in the park might make me a feel a bit better.

But that's not what people mean when they encourage exercise to help with mental health? That little mood boost is a plus for those who get it, but it's really not the point.

I have a 'history' of mental illness. If I don't do enough exercise (in the long term) things do get worse. Keeping active day by day won't 'cure' anything, but it is better than when I don't. It's also sometimes impossible, of course, so I get the frustration.

I guess the advice is well meaning and probably unhelpful (because if you could you would), but not 'wrong', imho.

This is very true. I used to work as a clinician in mental health, fairly senior level. 20 years or so ago I was looking after people with psychosis, schizophrenia, schizo -affective disorder, bi-polar, severe depression, eating disorders, severe ocd and some personality disorders, often a lot of co-morbidity. "Mental health" has been so oversimplified and watered down that those at the severe end of the spectrum can no longer access the help they need. Everyone is "anxious". Mental health services should be for mental disorders not uncomfortable emotions that are often a normal reaction to context/environment.

"It's good to talk" has backfired. The words trauma and triggered are hugely overused and the full range of human emotional experience has been pathologised. All DDS friends are "anxious" and have counsellors. Mental health services are clogged up with inappropriate referrals including CAMHS (ducks and hides)