Who should pay?

[Flutterbybudget]

Background for context
My ex husband earns several times more than I do. He pays child maintenance for our youngest daughter. The older kids all still at home, but are over 18 so he doesn’t contribute towards them at all.
I charge them a minimal amount of rent, on the basis that they are all saving hard to move out.
He’s just got back from Rome and is heading off to Tenerife shorty

In the contact order, she goes to Scouts - with him, as he is a leader.
I have paid for her last lot of uniform, and half the Summer camp. She needs equipment for the camp, and also uniform. I have asked him to purchase just the shirt. (£20) while I get the rest and he won’t, refusing on that basis that he says he can’t afford it. I’ve never asked him to contribute towards any activities or kit that she needs for activities that she does while she’s with me, such as Pilates or trampolining or athletics.
Will I buy her one? Of course I will
but AIBU to think that he SHOULD be doing it?

Stay strong. It's his time, his activity.

You know you’re not bullying him and he’s only lashing out because you’re saying no instead of giving in. You’re teaching him a good lesson that he’ll benefit from.

Hold firm.

And don’t reply. You’ve told him what’s happening and that’s that. Up to him how he responds beyond hurling accusations.

You could go over his head and contact the Group Scout Leader to ask if they have any second uniforms and kit that you could borrow or have. (they will)

He knows that I’ll give in, because I can’t let my daughter down
I just really wanted some reassurance that I wasn’t being unreasonable to at least ASK him 🤷‍♀️

Do you know any of the other scout leaders, and could send a group text, “hey, money is really right at the moment - do you have a shirt in lost property or that’s been donated back that D could use for the camp please?”

Copy all the leaders.

Of course I’m not really advising take that route but, oh…

Didn’t see you post when I added mine 👍🏻

What a nasty bastard! He's horrible and your poor DD.

I expect you'll have to pay.

Is he an endearing scout leader who all the other kids/parents think is marvellous?

Shame if they found out the truth!

Oh yes! Do it!

I can’t believe you’ve enabled it thus far, why on earth would you provide anything for an activity he has asked for a court order to take her to. Everything related to this activity should be provided for, sourced and be paid for by him.

Oh he’s awful and I understand how frustrating this is for you.

Personally I would buy her the shirt because I would want her to feel comfortable, but I totally appreciate your stance.

So many of these men who hurt their children as a way to hurt their exes 😞

Please do this

Awful man.

I would dig my heels in and stand my ground. He will absolutely capitulate as he will need to save face.

If he tells your daughter she can't go to camp be disingenuous about it and ask him why not. When the shirt is mentioned just say this is an activity you do together and it does not involve me. (Just like the activities you do without him don't involve him).

He is parenting not babysitting and needs to live up to the scouting moto and be prepared.

His relationship with his daughter is on borrowed time. I would not be facilitating or appeasing him.

What an arse. Lucky you that you’re no longer married to him, but tough for his DC.

But he will reap what he does. Generally in my experience , such fathers are gradually ignored by their children as the children become adults.

Please send Testina’s text. That should hopefully embarrass the tight-fisted git.

Thanks all
I’ve sat with my daughter this evening and told her that I’ll sort it out
Yes, he told her that she wouldn’t be able to go to camp
But, now we’ve ordered new uniform and what she needs
I’ll find the money from somewhere - her older siblings have offered to help out as well
I wish my kids didn’t know that their dad is an arse, but they do

Sometimes I just need to be reassured that it’s not me, because it’s always “my fault” and I don’t cope too well