Anyone else feel like the hardest part of parenting

8 replies

Paellaella · 13/07/2022 21:40

Is keeping everyone else happy?

One set of parents (so DC’s DGPs) puts so much pressure on us to see them so often. If we say we can’t see them when they want us to they go in a mood. They live 4 hours away and it is their only DGC. DC is nearly 1 and I am starting to really resent them for making us feel like we owe them our time above anything else… they don’t care if we miss out on our own family time, social lives etc etc. As long as they get to see their DGC every 3-4 weeks they do not care what cost to us. They also have never done a single ounce of help around the house for us since DC was born, even when DC was tiny I was cooking meals when they came to our house even after a c section and postpartum haemorrhage 😭 and they don’t ever ask how we are… don’t even take our photo when we meet up. Post photos all over social media of themselves with our DC… We don’t seem to exist or matter! It’s completely ruining my relationship with them.

So fed up with it!!! 😫

Did anyone else find this & does it get any better? I want one of my siblings to hurry up and have a baby to take the heat off us!!!

OP posts:

BiscoffSundae · 13/07/2022 21:43

No not at all my family are the opposite and not interested in my kids

Original poster

Paellaella · 13/07/2022 21:45

That’s so sad sorry… other end of the spectrum. I’m sure your situation is much more frustrating 😫😫

OP posts:

Mally100 · 13/07/2022 21:47

But you are the one allowing this situation to happen because you have no boundaries. Your child isn't everyone else's child and you do not owe them that. Having a relationship with your DC is a two way street. If they want to be involved they need to make and effort. Stop entertaining them when you are ultimately the one in control of this situation.

Original poster

Paellaella · 13/07/2022 21:51

Mally100 · 13/07/2022 21:47

You are right in what you say I just don’t know how to do it because they go off it at me whenever I don’t do what they want or they expected they can really be quite cruel. It’s getting me down. When we see them I don’t want to bring it up because they will go in a mood and be horrible and ruin the time but now I’m thinking I might just have to suck it up and sacrifice a few nice days to make sure they stop being so selfish. The thing is they never would’ve let their parents visit or expect them to go so much (their parents are from NI) so why they expect of us baffles me. I feel very let down and annoyed at them that in my most vulnerable year of my life they have put so much pressure on!

OP posts:

Maybee21 · 13/07/2022 22:13

Are they your parents or your partners? If they're yours then you really need to set the boundary, if they're your partners then they need to do it.
I find with people like this being direct and uncompromising is the best approach. You don't need to be rude you just need to be firm about what you will and will not accept from them, if they then choose to go in a mood and treat you badly then that's on them, you are not responsible for their reaction.
They are emotionally manipulating you and will continue to do so until you are firm about your boundaries.

Cameronnorrieisabitofalright · 13/07/2022 22:21

Back away op. Your name on that birth certificate not theirs.. Do well to remember that...
Your dd needs a stress - free dm more than dgps...
They sound entitled fuckers imo!

Aquamarine1029 · 13/07/2022 22:26

You are right in what you say I just don’t know how to do it because they go off it at me whenever I don’t do what they want or they expected

And? So what? You're not a child, op, they can't ground you. However, you can very easily hang up the phone and refuse to listen, or read, any abusive bullshit.

This is all on you. Sorry, but it's the truth. You can only be taken advantage of or abused if you allow it. It's time to take control, make boundaries, and stop being a doormat to their nonsense. They can have all of the tantrums they want.

PuntasticUsername · 13/07/2022 22:50

"they go off it at me whenever I don’t do what they want or they expected they can really be quite cruel. It’s getting me down. When we see them I don’t want to bring it up because they will go in a mood and be horrible and ruin the time"

These don't sound like nice people. People who love you don't treat you like this, so you're right - it's time to stop pandering to them. There'll likely be a brief period of unpleasantness, then it'll all get much better and you'll wish you did it years ago! Good luck 😊

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