Would it be cruel to dump my friend?
i’m on my own with two children and no support so I’m not well off and her requests for favours are too much, she “borrows” things that she has never once returned or replaced, towels that were expensive, lots of cigarettes and tobacco, this is the major one for her always scrounging tobacco, food, toilet paper, I had a stock of six bottles of calpol, three baby and three big kids, when she seen the medicine supplies she said “oh I know where to come for calpol now “ and she did end up taking two bottles, one for her son and one for her niece, I’m not going to turn away a sick child so I found it very manipulative, she gets over £2000 a month in benefits and only has the one child to support and a small flat to keep, it’s disposable income as her rent is paid and council tax, it’s a lot more than we have disposable.
She is addicted to taking cocaine and that’s where her money is going, I think she should buy her own wheelbarrow and lawnmower and not keep taking mine, twice I had to “steal” my items back from her garden as they were never returned when promised and then right away she asks to borrow them again. She would never think to buy me a packet of cigarettes to make up for the hundreds she has “borrowed”, she lost a family member and I felt very sorry for her she phoned me up upset saying that her brother was on a bus and she was to pay his fair at this end but she had no money, all I had was £20 that belonged to my child and I gave it to her, the fair would have been £5 so she could have given me back £10 of my child’s money but they spent it on alcohol, she mentioned being owe me this £20 once afterwards and I said to forget about it and think about it as a gift, I’d already written it off and didn’t want to make it uncomfortable between us, The thing is she later told me that the day I gave her the £20 she had cash in her house but didn’t want to use it.
she has asked to borrow money many times since and I tell her that I have nothing to give myself, she was worried that social workers would look in her food supplies and needed money to stage the kitchen for their visit I refused but another mum gave her £15 and some cigarettes, she plays the victim in all of this, poor her is desperate for a cigarette and you are a bad greedy person denying her when you have plenty, same with everything else she covets, she does this mooching to all of her friends, always on the scrounge for something, she told me she only spends £15 a week on food for the two of them, I’m around £150 at least for the three of us not including extras like take away or eating out or movie night treats, I don’t think it’s right to not have good food at home for growing children, I couldn’t do that to mine and spend hundreds on drugs. He gets very little at Christmas and birthdays which shocked me given her disposable income.
The other thing is disappearing and expecting me to be home for her child, never in my life would I not be home for kids after school, she goes away to other towns and doesn’t come back in time for her child coming home from school, I made it clear I wasn’t interested in watching her child, I wouldn’t ask her to mind mine, I’m not comfortable with the inconvenience, she called me up hinting she wanted to go to the supermarket in the next town but didn’t want to take her child, she could have got out of bed in the morning and went instead of sleeping all day, I said no to keeping him so she got on the bus anyway and her child appeared at mine after school saying that the mother would be another four hours yet, she’s done it again since and makes me feel bad for not wanting to be the solution to her child minding problems.
she phones me up at all hours and talks for hours on cocaine, I feel sorry for her and her child and awful that I just want rid because she keeps crossing my boundaries and I hate myself for giving in or being manipulated by her, my boundaries are never to lend or borrow, I’m not greedy I give to charity, cash to homeless in the street, I would help anyone out as a one off but I feel used when the same person keeps returning asking for favours or to take my belongings, I’ll lend you my hoover until your new one comes next week but I don’t want to share my hoover with you forever as if it’s half yours, if you are short I’ll buy you lunch but I don’t want to buy you lunch every week if that makes sense?
so am I a greedy horrible person or should I drop this friend?
There is more stuff like asking me to run errands, I told her I had to go off the phone as I was on my way out for take away and then she phoned back and asked me to pick up something for her and drop it off, getting the money was like getting blood out of a stone, asked me to go to the chemist for her, a few times she asked me to pick up things from the shop when I was out and she never offered me the money, I think this is the height of cheek, I asked her for money up front last time for milk and she admitted she didn’t have any so could she have some of mine out of the fridge instead. She keeps putting her problems on me and I feel I’ve got enough of my own, no one gives me free stuff and I wouldn’t dream of asking, I’d sit with nothing but my pride rather than ask her or anyone to give me cigarettes or milk.
maybe I should help her more but my instincts tell me that she is a moocher who would leave me with nothing so she doesn’t go without. I have my own children to think about and don’t want to supplement someone who wastes money on drugs, she is relentlessly in getting something she wants, saying no is like a challenge and she will just ask again, I’ve ignored her last phone call and message asking me for cigarettes.