To ask you to help me teach my child about race and culture?

[HoorayForMe]

Hello,

I hope this is okay. My son is nearly 2 and is white British. Where I grew up was a very multi cultural society and growing up we learned about different cultures, religions etc. Where I currently live is predominantly white British. Whilst a lot of people I know who grew up here aren’t racist, some are. It’s usually not deliberately nasty, but if often rather ignorant (which of course I dispute and discuss where possible).
I don’t want that for my child. I want my son to grow up understanding race, culture and religion, but I worry that only mixing with white British atheist/Christians, he won’t ever really develop that. I can read him books, show him videos and talk to him about it, but I’d love some support on how to do this. How do I talk to my child? What good books are there that we can start introducing him to? And will it be an issue if he never mixes with other cultures, even if I do all that I can to teach him myself? In school I remember learning all about Eid and Ramadan etc from the children who celebrated those things. He won’t get to do that, so will he be naturally less tolerant?

Someone has voted that I’m being unreasonable…I’d love to know why? I didn’t mean to leave the voting on.

You’re right to want your son to grow up aware of and respecting other cultures and races. But he can develop that without living in a diverse community. I think your approach of him learning by reading and doing activities is a good one. Travel (not to resorts) is also a good way to mix with other cultures.

Thank you. Any suggestions on literature?

I don’t get why people are voting this as unreasonable.

The biggest way to increase tolerance is to mix with other people from different races. My kids are asian and growing up in a very white area. Some people are racist but many are just ignorant or unaware that people exist outside of their own bubble. Depending on the age of your child how about using YouTube? There are videos aimed at kids that give small introductions to different cultures or religious. It doesn't have to be heavy handed but just small discussions if you were passing a church for example that some people go to pray at a synagogue or mosque and that would spark a conversation.

The Book Trust is a good place to start for a diverse reading list; start looking for books in the library or buying some for home that show different cultures and ethnicities. Ask your librarian for recommendations, they may be able to order some for you.

Cbeebies on iPlayer has some great resources, including the My First series, which introduces festivals like Eid in an age-appropriate way, My World Kitchen, and Treasure Champs which explains values. There's also loads of Black History Month stuff there if you look for it.

Where I grew up was a very multi cultural society and growing up we learned about different cultures, religions etc.

Don't you have any friends from where you grew up?

I know people who profess the same as you living in London and then inevitably move to predominantly white British areas and fret about bringing up well rounded children. It's not really up to BAME people to facilitate that.

Similar situation here. What we have done:
Buy books with characters of colour
Dolls of different colours and skin tones- we have different colours and styles of barbie, wheelchairs for playmobil, just introduce diversity into play and home culture as much as possible.
Call things out when you see it on the TV or in real lifeeg why are there no girls doing that? Why we say police/fire officer
Put the playmobil female driving the bin truck etc.. all the small things as normal
Ensure he has toys of all kinds (stereotypically boy and girl toys)
Try and have books where homosexuality is shown but not part of the story(very difficult ime)
Have books where girls are the main character and not in a fairy pink way
Conversation will come as goes through school and nursery and tells you the nursery version of social rules eg pink is for girls, boys can't play with whatever. You'll already have been playing and reading and chatting the home culture so you can then discuss the reality.
What is racism is a flap book, usborne I think. A bit old for my 6 Yr old yet but I leave it on the shelf.
The new blue is about a girl wearing hijab for the first time and is a good wee picture story book
Hats of faith is a simple board book

Also just keep talking and noticing real life with him. When older take him to more diverse areas
Just let him see your behaviour actions and speech and be aware the impression you're giving as this is what he will learn most from
Hope this helps.

Maybe attend celebrations for children for Chinese New Year and other cultures celebrations. Some councils host these. Martin Luther King June. has children's books on him, love not read though. I went to a Jewish bakery regularly as a young child, as it was nearby. Sugar is always gonna help!

Jnr. Not June. I've not love. Typos

YABU for being so worthy

We’re in a diverse area. I don’t think there’s a ‘dominant’ culture in any meaningful sense; I don’t think anyone feels a need to ‘understand’ my DCs ‘culture’, such as it is (why would they, everyone’s busy living their lives, who’s got the time?).

Also, by the time you’ve ‘understood’ anything of this level of complexity (big project, best of luck), it’s probably changed.

No I don’t, I’ve mostly drifted apart from people over time. I’m not asking anyone to help raise a well rounded child, I’m asking for guidance on how best to talk about the issue. I can’t change the diversity on where I live. I can’t change where I live and move somewhere more diverse, it’s not possible right now. So I want to do what I can with what I have.

I guess I’m just worried that he might fall into the thing that I see other people around here doing. Jokes and such, which aren’t okay. It’s not about making him ‘well rounded’ as someone else suggested, it’s about him growing up and not being a dick. And I worry that me reading books just won’t be enough.

Where I currently live is predominantly white British. Whilst a lot of people I know who grew up here aren’t racist, some are. It’s usually not deliberately nasty, but if often rather ignorant (which of course I dispute and discuss where possible). I don’t want that for my child. I want my son to grow up understanding race, culture and religion, but I worry that only mixing with white British atheist/Christians, he won’t ever really develop that.

The above is why I voted YABU. You are presuming a correlation between a diverse community and racism in which the less diverse a community is, the more people will grow up to be racists. This is really ignorant as no such correlation exists. Racism is 99.9% learned from your parents no matter how diverse the community you live in is or isn’t. It’s also not up to BAME children to prevent racism by ‘mixing with’ white British children.

Okay, well that’s really good to know, I wasn’t aware of that. So I apologise for my ignorance.

I am trying to learn here. I am asking because I want to learn.

Also @Discovereads I assumed there might be because I know people who have racist parents who aren’t themselves, so I presumed something else must have a contributing factor. But as I say, I’m asking because I want to learn.

Diverse book ideas – gender, race, sexuality, disability,

• Amazing Grace – Mary Hoffman

• Starring Grace – Mary Hoffman

• Whistle for Willie – Ezra Keats
• The Snowy Day – Ezra Keats
• More, More, More Said the Baby – Vera Williams

• Wonder – R G Palacio

• Rosie Revere, Engineer – Andrea Beaty

• Ada Twist, Scientist – Andrea Beaty

• One Family – George Shannon
• Frida Kahlo and her Animalitos – Monica Brown
• The Princess and the Pony – Kate Beaton

• Little Red – Bethan Woolvin

• Clive and his….series – Jessica Spanyol
• Fantastically Great Women who changed the world – Kate Pankhurst

• Goodnight Stories for Rebel Girls

• Freddie and the Fairy – Julia Donaldson
• The Great Big Body Book – Mary Hoffman
• Lulu Loves…stories – Anna McQuinn
• Two Mums and a Menagerie – Carolyn Robertson

• Chapatti Moon – Pippa Goodard
• My world Your World – Melanie Walsh
• I’m ready to explore my world – Anita Ganeri
• Last stop on Market Street -
Matt de la Peña and Christian Robinson
• Anna hibiscus – picture books
• No Dinner by Jessica Souhami (EYFS)

• Anna Hibiscus’ Song by Atinuke, illustrated by Lauren Tobia (EYFS)

• Grace and Family by Mary Hoffman, illustrated by Caroline Binch (KS1)

• Pattan’s Pumpkin by Chitra Soundar, illustrated by Frané Lessac (KS1)

• Mama Miti by Donna Jo Napoli, illustrated by Kadir Nelson (KS2)

• One Plastic Bag by Miranda Paul, illustrated by Elizabeth Zunon (KS2)

• Rhythm and Poetry by Karl Nova
•
Diverse Books we already have

• Ada Twist, Scientist – Andrea Beaty

• Jamaica’s Find – Juanita Havill

• Sisi and the Cassowary – Arone Raymond Meeks

• The Magic Paintbrush – Julia Donaldson

• The New Baby – (Biff & Chip)
• Toby and the Flood – Rebecca Price

• Made by Rafi – Craig Pomranz

• Wasim and the Champ – Chris Ashley

• Sanji and the Baker – Robin Tzannes

• The 108th Sheep – Ayano Imai

• The Great Race – The Story of the Chinese Zodiac – Dawn Casey

• Princess Grace – Mary Hoffman

• Ahmed and the Feather Girl – Jane Ray

• Lulu and the Duck in the Park – Hilary McKay

• The Julian Stories – Ann Cameron

• Cat out of the Bag – Irene Yates

• London Eye Mystery, by Siobhan Dowd

• Anna Hibiscus – chapter b0oks

Above is an extensive list. It is a list obtained from a charity for which I used to volunteer at where we help with literacy with a mix of children from all types of backgrounds.
Great that you are open minded and bringing that into your child's life too.

School should be covering major religious festivals regardless of the children in the class.

My son lives in a predominantly white rural area but they covered Diwali, Hannukah and Eid at his CofE school.

From my experience as one of the above posters said children who say racist things tend to be parroting their parents so if you just don't display a difference in reaction and treatment to people of different backgrounds it'll be fine. I also think there has to be a careful distinction between exposing children to various cultural habits, products etc as a genuine joyous exploration of what the world has to offer, or presenting those things as inherently worthy by virtue of their 'diversity' which can actually be quite patronizing. E.g. me and my partner were both singled out in largely white, Christian primary schools as examples of 'diversity' and it's actually quite mortifying as a child to have your difference emphasised rather than merely noted and accepted.

Usborne do a nice what is diversity? book. I'd also encourage trips to lots of places to learn about different cultures and talk to your child about the traditions you have and the idea that other people do not live the same way etc. All of this can be done age appropriately as you say. I am not white and had white friends who would say "and then the black lady did/said X" and my children noticed and would ask me, why don't they say "and then the white lady did/said X?". These moments sadly provided lots of opportunity to talk about visible and invisible difference, unconscious bias and privilege as they got older.

What not to do:
'Celebrate' festivals that are not part of your own tradition.
Mark all festivals and celebrations from other cultures as religious/interesting/cultural/equal
Act as though your own culture is neutral/not worth noticing/marking.

What TO do:
As your child grows up ensure your library includes books about people living in different places, eating different foods and celebrating different festivals.
Utilise your local library
Engage with your child about your own way of marking the year, and point out that this is not universal. Some children don't celebrate birthdays, they celebrate saint days. Some children don't celebrate Xmas, but have a festival at another time of year where they decorate the streets with lanterns.
Watch tv/movies from other cultures, or with characters who are from a different community to you. Discuss that different isn't lesser.
Visit museums, theatre, go on holidays to other places.
Mostly, do not fall into the trap of thinking you are 'culture free'. You aren't. It will never come across as anything other than othering if you believe, and pass on, that culture is what other people have, while your customs (Xmas tree, hot cross buns, Mother's Day, birthday cake etc) are the norm.

I grew up in a v white area- when I was grown up I moved to a v diverse area. I’m not racist, I have a good cultural and religious understanding, and I’m tolerant of others. We’re now living in a predominantly white area again, but I don’t worry about my DS growing up to not understand other races etc.

Your child will be taught about other religions and cultures at school. Culture, races and religions are all depicted on TV and in books. If you watch the (age appropriate) news and talk about current affairs etc with your child they’ll absorb it too.

People are voting YABU because you don’t need to overly manage this situation or force feed E&D books to your DC. Show them in your own actions and way of talking at home that we don’t make racial generalisations, and that everyone has something good to offer society.

It's interesting the number of people commenting here that books don't matter.
Even today as a 40 year old woman, the books I read hugely matter. I am grateful that I have access to a wide range of literature which constantly opens my mind and challenging my thinking. So yes, books do matter, and I would strongly follow your intention and find the many wonderful diverse books out there.

Personally I'd focus on raising your son a feminist. Feminism, womens rights/sexual inequality is never spoken about in school whereas racism, lgbtq..., cultural diversity and religion are all spoken about all the time. Believe me your son will learn plenty on those topics when he goes to school.
Well that's my experience of having a child in school for the last 9 years.

I don't think you want to turn it into a big issue. Reading the books the PP suggested is a good idea, just make it normal that there are people of other races/cultures.

And obviously don't hang around with any racist people...should be easily avoided?