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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think this is rude?

8 replies

Peedoffmam · 12/07/2022 23:32

So recently DD had her first bday party, she turned 6 :)

Day before the party, one of her best friends’ Mams sent me a message and asked if I could watch her Daughter the day after the party as she had no childcare. I said Yeah sure, it’ll be a pleasure, we’ll talk and sort out times etc at the party tomorrow….. reply came back, Thank you, see you at the party!

Fast forward to the party and halfway through a 2hr party I got a message off this mam saying “are you sure u can watch DD tomorrow?” So I text back that yes it was fine, asked what time does she need me to have her, that I thought she was coming to my DDs party and hope everything is ok! Then to my surprise I get no message back, but her 5yr old is dropped off at the party and sent in alone to meet one of the other mams, 25mins before the end, just in time for food and party bags, without even a birthday card for DD!

Next thing I know, I get a message off HER mam asking my address to drop child off the next day.

Child comes, still no birthday card, then proceeds to walk into my house and start trying to open my DDs gifts whilst she was still in bed. I asked her not to touch the gifts as DD hasn’t had chance to look at them or open them yet herself. This child then absolutely trashed my house….. walking from room to room, pulling out all sorts, opening stair gates, doors, making a mess and walking to the next room to start again. I literally followed her around tidying up and ask her not to pull everything out, don’t go into closed rooms, and if she can open the stair gate, to make sure it’s closed behind her for DD2s safety. It was like talking to a brick wall….. repeatedly! Even DD1 was asking her not to do stuff, to which this child starts saying nasty things to DD. I even caught her on the baby monitor, DD asked her not to pull all her Lego apart…. Child replied “well if you don’t let me, then you’re not coming to my house any more and you’re not my friend!” 😱 I went up and asked her nicely not to destroy the Lego and told her we’re all friends and that we don’t say nasty things to our friends. it didn’t stop, I caught her saying a lot more nasty things to DD and again reinforced that it wasn’t nice!

after the child left, my DD was upset and said she hadn’t liked having her here and that she’d been nasty to her! So I said don’t worry, she doesn’t have to come back! DD even pointed out “She didn’t even get me a birthday card!” Broke my heart for such a young child to notice this!

never once got a message to say thank you for having child!

back at school the children seemed to be ok and back to being friends, so a couple of weeks later, the lady got in touch and asked me to take her child to a party as she was out of town and her childcare was unable to take child to the party, so again, I said yes, not a problem, I’ll pick up and drop off.

again, not a single thank you for my troubles!

Saw the lady at the school gates this morning and she couldn’t even smile or say hello despite OBVIOUSLY seeing me!

AIBU to think she’s just totally taking the mick? Who sends a child to a party without even an empty card? Then ignores it to ask if you can babysit even when you’ve clearly mentioned it again? Then doesn’t even thank you for looking after her? Then asks again for a favour and still no thank you? obviously I dont want to cause arguments when we still have to get by for at least the next 6 years, but am I justified in being upset and angry about it?
I just feel like it’s blatant ignorance!

needless to say, I won’t be doing any more favours though!

OP posts:
PeekabooAtTheZoo · 12/07/2022 23:43

I’ve honestly voted yabu because I can’t believe you let her trash your daughter’s stuff and threaten her the day after her birthday and STILL took her to this other party. Why are you letting this random child treat your daughter like this? Why didn’t you take control? What message are you giving your child about healthy relationships? Did the mother save your life once or something? C’mon op wise up!

KingBling · 12/07/2022 23:45

Just 'no, I can't' everytime she asks from now on. She'll move on to somebody else quickly enough.

ThreeLittleDots · 12/07/2022 23:50

You need to stand up for yourselves. Ignore the witch.

Peedoffmam · 12/07/2022 23:51

Because I put it down to kids being kids since they were absolutely fine and back to being friends the next day, and this child apparently being under autism assessment as the cause of her disruptive behaviour.
I had took control and told her repeatedly when she was being nasty, or doing something unreasonable and stopped the behaviour. Also reiterated to DD that it’s not OK to treat people like that and to be kind, do as you’re told, especially if in someone else’s house etc….. and to tell an adult if someone is mean to her. I did not just let it go as you seem to think.

as for the party lift, I figured I’d give the benefit of the doubt over the previous situation and not punish the child for the mams behaviour!

OP posts:
WishILivedInThrushGreen · 12/07/2022 23:53

The CF mum is using you.

Put and end to this and don't accept any more of her requests.

'Sorry but it doesn't work for me' should suffice.

easyday · 12/07/2022 23:58

Next time the answer is no. And telling her a few home truths might be in order too. As for punishing the daughter for her mother's behaviour- this girl doesn't sound like she behaves well either.
You daughter can be friendly with her at school.

SheepingStandingUp · 13/07/2022 00:04

Honestly you need to work on your boundaries.

Did Mom answer when you called her to say her child was misbehaving and needed to be collected ASAP? What did she say when you explained how badly she'd behaved?

Threetulips · 13/07/2022 00:10

Just say no. Assessment or not, she didn’t need to be in your care especially as the mother clearly has no boundaries herself.

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