To only give kids shit food?

[Crocsandshocks]

Bear with me. I'm cultivating an inner scream.

I try to make a real effort to cater to my kids tastes. They are completely and entirely different to mine. I like curries, Thai, veg stir fries, tofu, lentils etc. I'm pescatarian. My kids have different tastes. They like ham, pasta, bolognase, Burges, fish fingers, sausages etc.

I try to meet them in the middle and though I dislike cooking meat, will cook it a couple of times a week and offer up soups or Dahl and flatbread or something the other days.

I have started getting hello fresh. I deliberately ordered a chicken flat bread Street food one, as I thought they would like that (I adapted my portion to use mushrooms instead of chicken).

It took 50 minutes to cook it. I burned my finger in the process. It used up most of the baking dishes and frying pans. When I served it just now, one moaned constantly about the topping on the corn. The other rocked on his chair and sat with legs acimbo, with bits of food hanging out of his mouth.

I was a hot sweaty and sweary mess. Over half of each of theirs was left untouched. I've refrigerated what leftovers I can and am going to sneak it into their packed lunch tomorrow.

However, I am a bit broken. They're getting ready for bed and are now claiming they are hungry 😩AIBU to just go back to shit food? Like frozen pizza and pesto pasta.

This is one of the smuggest posts I think I’ve read in a while. Whoopee do for you that you love cooking. Newsflash: lots of people hate cooking. It doesn’t mean they don’t love their families.

I hear you OP. It’s hard. Love my kids, hate cooking with a passion. Eldest has various sensory food issues associated with ASD. It is really tough. I love him to pieces but his food anxiety has destroyed any interest and enjoyment I might once have had in cooking or preparing meals. So shoot me.

I give my kids food that is fundamentally nutritious but essentially uninspiring and I actively teach them that cooking and meal prep is a functional chore that needs to happen to enable you to live healthily. There is no law that says you have to enjoy cooking. Meal prep is just part of the daily grind of life. DC are all a healthy weight and rarely ill so I take that as a positive!

Op i get it. It's more effort by a million miles. Base, puree, cheese, ham, pineapple, that's 5 things to reach for already. Then there's the 'whatever' that's a fkn minefield of discussion/argument/potential preparation, tidying up. Dahl is reheat and done. Just nobody wants it. If you are a single mum there is no tag team. We don't 'pop to the shops,' we don't, 'just'. I don't leave the house without a back up shiny gold coin from the tooth fairy and a dose of calpol. The single parent mental load does not 'just' anything.

What do you cook that you can recommend to us?

I don’t understand the pizza thing! Do you think people are telling you to make your own pizza dough? It’s literally taking a bought pizza base, sticking on tomato purée, cheese, some ham and pineapple or whatever. It’s just the same amount of effort as pasta, Dahl or salad, or whatever, surely? I mean fair enough, probably not that much healthier than a frozen pizza, so I can understand that argument against it, but not the effort thing.

I don't understand the nutritional difference here with frozen pizza. Tbh I would either do my own dough or just buy frozen. I don't actually see the point of pre made bases. Then the six different kinds of toppings. What a faff.

Sounds lovely. They ignored the salad but the main thing is that you offered it. It's their choice whether to eat it or not. (That's what I tell myself every evening anyway).

I don't understand the nutritional difference here with frozen pizza. Tbh I would either do my own dough or just buy frozen. I don't actually see the point of pre made bases. Then the six different kinds of toppings. What a faff

It's not just about the nutrition, it's about getting the kids involved and letting them have a bit of choice over what they're eating. It's also about making food a bit more enjoyable and fun for them.

I fail to see how it's anymore of a faff than all your daals and lentil curries 🤷🏻‍♀️

I've got one autistic child and one vegetarian. Oh and DH eats like a toddler I'm convinced he is probably autistic too but that's another topic entirely.

DH cooks for him and the kids. I sort myself out!

OMG! Does that mean my mum invented woke ideology in the 1960s?

@SpindleInTheWind no, I think you'll find she rediscovered it. In the olden days the staple British diet was lentils.

Good for you, and also your friend. My DS won’t eat things he doesn’t like. He is in no was stubborn about anything else, is a gentle, sweet natured boy, but if he doesn’t like something, he won’t. No amount of cajoling makes a difference. He’s rather go hungry, and sometimes does.

I never caved in and offered toast etc, made no difference. So now, I only rarely offer something away from the things I know he’ll eat. There is no point, it’s a waste, it’s frustrating, and he’d be left without a meal.

The nutritional difference is that when kids get involved and make their own they’re more likely to eat stuff.

Plus if you batch cook a tomato base that can be used for pizza or pasta, as I suggested previously, it can be packed with veggies and blended down. So much better than pre bought stuff in that respect.

The main thing with that kind of meal though is the ease - especially if you get the kids into making it. Takes the pressure off you as all you need to do is take it out of the oven for them if they’re too young to do that.

Mine were quite fussy when they were little.

They are better now, but also I know the things they really hate and just avoid those.

One of mine was fussy with textures - sauces, mashed potatoes, some types of rice, peas etc etc.

The other was more fussy with tastes.

I used to always serve each component separately - stir fries were a nightmare for dc1. I would serve raw peppers, beansprouts and carrots, plain noodles and the cooked protein part all separated out on the plate and put a bottle of soy sauce on the table. Now I can serve it all cooked together in the traditional way, but it took a while to get there.
Made sure I cooked only basmati rice - dc would actually gag at cheap rice - too soggy apparently.
Remove their potatoes before mashing and serve whole.
Substitute something else whenever I cook peas.
Seasoning/sauce added individually at the table.

Tiny teaspoonful on the plate of disliked food, they might try it eventually.

I feel your pain, it’a a nightmare, but don’t take it personally. I would feed things you know they will eat, no need for it to be a battleground.

One thing I do ban is moaning about food, saying it is disgusting etc. Don’t say anything but just quietly leave it on the side of your plate is our rule.

OK will have a go at the homemade pizza thing.... Just to make you all happy 🍕😂

I was sceptical when it was first suggested to me.

one of mine doesn’t like vegetables. Determinedly so.

But homemade pizza, and now pasta as they’re big enough to make it themselves, has them eating a sauce that has tomatoes, peppers, mushrooms, onions, celery, carrots, aubergine and courgette blended in. They also put “pretty” colours on their pizza. So end up happily eating veg they’d never touch otherwise.

they also felt massively grown up because I’d let them make mine.

So the best bit was that the only thing I have to do was turn the oven on, and then lift the pizzas out the oven at the end.

Healthy doesn't have to mean unfamiliar food with spices they won't like.

'Chicken flatbread street food' is no healthier than grilled/roast chicken with potatoes and peas or wholemeal pizza/lasagna.

I would just give them healthy versions of the food they already like.

Also if you can be arsed to make your own dough, make a load of it at once and then freeze it.

im not sure I get the obsession with homemade pizza. hardly a particularly healthy option vs a lot of other easier, healthier, quicker recipes that are also child-friendly. Making own pizza is time consuming, messy and using pre-made bases that come from a factory which are usually full of crap is not healthy in itself.

My DCs are 6 and 8yo. I get everyone to choose a meal for the week when I'm putting together the shopping list (although with only 3 of you in the house maybe they could choose 2 each and you the other 3?). Nobody gets to complain about the others' choices, and we'll all eat your choice without complaint - it seems to work quite well. They might not like everything, but will make a good stab of it without whining and just quietly leave a particular element if they really don't like it eg the pak choi in a stir fry.
We very much take the line of "our job to provide the food, your job to eat it", so if they don't eat it there isn't any pressure/conflict, just a shrug, a gentle reminder they will probably be very hungry in the morning, and a request to put their plate on the side. On the rare occasions a DC doesn't want to eat it (almost always DD2 with a claim of "not hungry"), then we cover the food and leave it until they're in bed in case they decided actually they are quite peckish and want to return to it. I never feel guilty if they've gone to bed with emptier-than-ideal tummies, as that is their part of the deal they've broken. A healthy meal was made available to them. I was determined not to have any battle around meal times, and the 'help plan, no pressure to eat but no alternatives' method has worked well for us. They get their pizza/carbonara/fajitas/spinach soup (randomly a top favourite of both DCs!), and we get whatever we fancy that week. I'm sure if they knew there was an alternative or that they were allowed fish fingers every day then they would be a lot more demanding!

Try to convert them to like curries, Thai, and veg stir fries in a slow phase. As You have mentioned the ages of your children are 7 & 10. So this age is best for them to learn what is good and what is bad. If from today you start sharing with them the drawbacks of eating too much-frozen pizza or pasta at one place they will start disliking it. This should be done gradually and you should keep patience with it.

This is the issue with many of the parents and when they refer to a psychotherapist to find the solution of how to deal with this issue. The therapist use to recommend not to be harsh with the children just deal with them with a low temper and gradually taught them what is good for their health. After some time you will see the change in them.

You are not being unreasonable. Kids don’t get how hard we work for them. Personally I have a vegetarian daughter and am always substituting something/ making her an individual meal so she will actually eat something. Whatever feeds them and makes your life easier on some days is the way to go!

I try and land somewhere in the middle. We have what I like to call ‘shit from the freezer’ night, once a week. It’s food I can’t stand but my husband and son really bloody love it! The rest of the time I just do bog standard but healthy meals. I also try to do at least one ‘try something new’ every couple of weeks but that is hit and miss how that goes down. You just have to relax, your only job is to give them food, after that it’s all on them whether they choose to eat it or not. As they get older they’ll get more adventurous and in the meantime, chips aren’t going to kill them.

My 5 kids were a nightmare
there was literally NOTHING that they ALL liked
To the extent, that I had at least one who didn’t like every type of food that you could imagine. One wouldn’t eat chips, one wouldn’t eat mash, one wouldn’t eat roast potatoes etc. One wouldn’t eat carrots, one didn’t like peas, one hated carrots, one mushrooms … the list was endless
They were always told that if they didn’t like it, they didn’t have to eat it, but I wasn’t making an alternative
But they were all United on ONE thing
None of them liked spaghetti Bolognaise

I would come home from work and slave over a hot cooker, to be greeted by moans, every single day

So one day, I decided that I’d have enough
I got home, to be greeted with “what’s for dinner”
”Speghetti Bolognese” I replied

“Aw no! I don’t want any! I’m not eating! I’d rather go without”

“Thats fine” I said. “I thought that’s what you’d say. So I’ve cut the middle man. Tonight we are going to pretend that I went to the shop, spent money and then my time slaving over the cooker. Instead of which, you can all moan and have a banana and I’m going to have a takeaway for myself as a treat”

Worked wonders 😂

Sympathy, I have a fussy 9 year old. I always feed him at least one element he likes, this often means a side of chicken nuggets! It's not ideal but I don't want meal times to be a battle ground. He is starting to ask to try things so hopefully in the long-term it will work out, did with his older brother. I would try to feed at least one thing they will eat each meal, and agree in advance a plan b. So if they know they are hungry later they only get a particular option. Such as toast. Its so frustrating.

I would just cook what you choose for the most part, do something like a bolognese or sausage and mash once a week and their preferred unhealthier meals can be a treat for the weekend. Let them portion it up themselves or you just give them small portions, seconds available if wanted, then there’s less waste. Freeze what’s left over. They’re not toddlers, they are old enough to understand what a healthy diet should be and that it’s not practical for you to cook separate things all the time. But at the same time, you’ve introduced them to a variety of things they now enjoy - some of which are just bog standard nutritious meals - and just taking them off the table completely seems unfair and unnecessary. You’re pescatarian - they’re obviously now not, and it’s too late to change it.
I hate to jump on the homemade pizza bandwagon but it really is completely different to a frozen pizza - a home made base has literally just 4 ingredients, one of them being water, compared to the 20 things listed on the frozen pizza package. I quite enjoy making a pizza base - I appreciate you may not - but I don’t make it from scratch each time. I make a massive dough, divide it into portions and freeze to use as needed. A homemade pizza, with tomatoes, mozzarella and a meat and veg topping is perfectly healthy food.