To think I'm a useless mum

[CrapMum101]

I took my 3.5yo DS to the park today. He is currently limited verbal with delayed understanding but improving each day and I'm so proud of him. We are awaiting an autism assessment. DS snatched a spade off another toddler in the park. Of course, I gave the spade back and told DS no. My sister rang me a few minutes later and DS went back over to the boy and they seemed to be playing happily with the little boy's sand toys together so I didn't intervene, ended the conversation with my sister and sat down with the boys. The dad of the little boy then came over and said DS was snatching his boy's toys. I apologised and said I did see DS snatch the spade and returned it to his son, but as the boys were playing nicely now I thought it was ok. I said sorry if I missed anything, as admittedly, I did take a phone call and proceeded to remove my son. He was going on at me and I felt so embarrassed in front of everyone. I honestly thought the lads were playing nicely and I didn't see my son snatch for a second time. :-( DS is lovely and not aggressive etc at all but due to his limited understanding doesn't really understand sharing. The dad said to me, "I'm teaching my son not to snatch". To which I bit back and replied, "I'm teaching my son to share" and left the park nearly crying. 😞 It was a stupid response as they weren't DS's toys at the end of the day but if I'm honest, I'm really struggling to come to terms with DS being potentially autistic. I cried all the way home and then we went to a shop where DS proceeded to throw himself on the floor because I couldn't figure out what he wanted.
Picked my daughter up from school at 3pm to be told she has been fighting with another girl on a group chat on a gaming app and the other mum has complained. The teacher said it's so out of character for my daughter and was asking if she's ok. Eyes were welling up again. I went mad at my daughter and made her feel crap about herself. She's only 8.
I'm a single mum and on benefits and struggling with everything at the moment, but mostly with the fact I don't feel good enough for my babies. I feel worthless. The worry for my precious boy's future is all consuming at times despite the fact he's made great progress recently. Every word he says feels like Christmas day to me. I feel so low and so judged. Kids in bed and just needed to vent whilst I wipe my tears 😢 rubbish day.

Bless you, OP. You had a bad day. It happens to all of us, so have a cry and tomorrow will be another day. You are clearly a caring and loving mum, but it's bloody hard especially as a single parent so cut yourself some slack

Be kind to yourself
NT kids snatch too and older ones than your DC. It’s only a snatch, no one was hurt. The man was being dramatic and I have met the odd parent like that.

Totally! Hope tomorrow is a better day x

Aw this made me well up a bit. Bless you OP. Your son is still learning whether he is autistic or not and I think the other boys parent overreacted. He could of made you aware in a more civilised manner. Don't beat yourself up you're doing your best and you sound like a great mum.

Your son and my daughter are exactly the same age and she also has delayed understanding and speech, I don’t think she’s autistic though, I think she’s just, well delayed, (I’m also a single parent) and I’m totally with you with every word feeling like Christmas! and can tell you what you’re feeling is completely normal and every single parent I know has felt that way! It’s so much harder baring then full weight of parenthood, there’s no one to take over or help when you feel like you need a break so you have to just soldier through, there’s also sadly no answer (that I’ve found anyway) but know you aren’t alone, in your feelings, and you are enough! and for all you know that dad could have a chip on his shoulder about his kid being a pushover and was projecting, either way his issues aren’t your problem, you said sorry, and removed your boy, there’s nothing else you could have done, let him and his chip be gone from your brain, and know you are enough, even when it feels impossible, you are, and always will be

Be kind to yourself op, good god that man is pathetic who the hell does he think he is, your child didn’t hit his, what a load of fuss about nothing! Listen op you are a good mum, if you weren’t you wouldn’t be writing this , you have a good heart and things get on top of us all sometimes, it’s very hard being a single parent. That man is probably a henpecked knob but feels good to have a go at a woman, let it go, cut yourself some slack op, you are a great mum

I think your response was perfect, to be honest.

If he was so worried why couldn't he have stepped in to facilitate them playing a bit?

We live near a nice park with a sandpit and I think sand pits are a bit of an odd one. It's a communal area and most people, if they bring sand stuff, will let other kids play with it but sometimes people won't. It's no wonder there's snatching and arguments between the kids as I think what they can and can't play with is a bit blurry! The guy there sounded like a nutcase OP.

You sound like a lovely mum. Today was just not your day. Ignore the man in the park - we all do our best as parents but can’t get everything right all the time. Tomorrow is a new day 😊 x

You sound like a great Mum to me op.
You obviously care deeply for your children. That comes through in your post.

please don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re doing an amazing job 💐

The very fact that you're worried your a useless mum means you're not a useless mum. Try not to beat yourself up, I have a trophy cabinet full of Bad Mother Awards from the time she was tiny up until now, and my DD has turned out to be completely awesome, loving and fabulous. I'm sure your children will turn out to be equally awesome and fabulous.

The very fact that you care shows you’re a great mum. Bit of an overreaction by the dad in the park as little ones do things like this.

Please don’t upset yourself - you’re doing a great job and so are your children. Tomorrow is a new day ok? 💕

Of course you’re not a useless mum. Quite the opposite actually, since posting here means that you care❤

This is just a bad day, unfortunately bad timing with both the park situation and your daughter being in trouble with school and arguing with others.

Both scenarios are totally normal. Most 3 year olds have no concept of sharing. And most 8 year olds will get into silly arguments both in person and over games/apps. The tough part is teaching your kids right from wrong. Then knowing how to appropriately discipline if needed and then chatting to them about it afterwards. (More aimed at DD here)

You’re doing your best! You can’t beat yourself up about it. Talk to your GP if you think you need some extra support. Xx

Chin up sweetheart, you've got this. It's such a tough road you're on but it does get better when the right help is in place. My ASD chappie is 17 now and a brilliant human being but the early days were heartbreaking.
Girls are hard work, it's so difficult navigating special needs kids and their siblings. I have a DD 13 who has grown up with 2 older brothers with extra needs ( the other one is physically disabled) and it has taken its toll on her at times. She is an amazing person but boy has she had extra things to deal with in her life compared to many of her peers.
On bad days like this, when the world has treated you shabbily, be kind to yourself. That man didn't know the situation, ( I can't pretend to know if he'd care) he hasn't walked a second in your shoes so his criticism isn't worth worrying about. You know that you cared about your son's interaction,,you know that you care about your daughter and how she is managing the extra stress of a (quite probably) asd sibling.
Find a good online community, full of other parents who have been there, done it, bought a truckload of the t shirts. You deserve support and understanding. You are not a bad mum.
It'll be okay, I promise.

You had a shit day is all. Have a virtual 🤗 hug. Sounds like you are a great mum.

The other parent was being an arse but who knows what’s going on in his life. Think about a line you can trot out in future eg - ‘thanks for letting me know, my son is a lovely kid but he has a few delays, I’ll come and sort it/have a chat with him’ and if they keep going on ‘I’m a single mum, and parenting isn’t always easy. I do my best, and in return I expect you to be polite’

It possibly didn’t do your daughter any harm to get a bit of a bollocking,

Put your feet up and get an early night

Well, if my toddlers have issues with other toddlers (which is the exact nature of a toddler) I just go and help them all sort it out like the grown-up I am. I don't feel the need to go and tell tales to another parent about a toddler snatching a spade, how bloody ridiculous. He didn't steal a Jaguar or break someones arm.

Honestly you are not a bad mum, you had a bad day. Like literally ever other parent, ever. Have a cup of tea and an early night - that way the day ends sooner!

I feel for you, this parenting lark is so hard at times 😞 your post rings so many bells because I often have days when it's one thing after the other with the kids. Usually it happens when you let your guard down and are full of the joys of spring, just to be confronted with 'dc did this horrible thing.....' when you pick them up..swear to God it feels like a punch in the guts and before you know it you are hiding in the corner and sobbing. My point is, we all have these crappy moments/days so I'm sending solidarity 💪 tomorrow is a new day, put one foot in front of the other and just keep going. Sending hugs.

Also, my DS is ASD. I was very shaken when he was first diagnosed so I get that feeling, I really do. It must be very overwhelming as a single parent. But honestly, a few years down the line and he's awesome. Bloody drives me round the bend most days and I've had many a snatched-spade incident but the diagnosis meant that I could make small adjustments to our life that have made a huge difference to us and him. Don't panic yet, things may well be just fine.