To feel useless?

[whyme87]

I'm a SAHM

We have 3 DC a 6yo, 4yo & a 10 month old

DH earns pretty well so after our second was born we decided I'd take a break from working until the kiddos are in school. It works for us

Yesterday I met with my mum and her friend. Her friend was mortified by the fact I was a SAHM. Said I'm dependant on my DH and men love successful and ambitious women, cleaning the house and looking after DC isn't enough 😅
She spoke to me in a terrible manner and seemed to look down on me (until my mum stopped her- won't get into many details)

Anyway I now feel useless. I couldn't sleep last night .. and I keep thinking what else I can do around the house 🙈 i also wonder who else thinks I'm useless and I do nothing

Not even sure why I'm posting on here, do you think SAHM are useless?

Sounds like you are only a temporary SAHM because that’s what works best for your family right now? I’d agree if you were talking about permanent SAHM but it sounds like you’re just taking a break from working right now.

She sounds incredibly rude. No one is useless for choosing what works for their life. SAHMs must work bloody hard, I'm not sure I could do it!

Jeez and you've got a 10 month old at home!, you are enabling your dh to go out and work, tell her to shove her views up her arse

Wow! First of all this woman is talking out of her backside. Secondly your mum needs to review her friend choices - did she even try and defend you? Looking after children is literally the most important job in the whole world. Why is it acceptable to look after someone else's children for a living but not your own? Please please please try and forget what she said.

Why?? That's a very strong statement to make with very little justification behind it.

Good grief no. Your kids are tiny and you only just took a break recently. I wish I could have for longer. I was the higher earner before I took breaks for mat leave then a career break for a couple of years. And I was soon the higher earner again.

A mother's place is in the wrong. One time I really learned that opinions were like arseholes was when my kids were little. One eventually develops a thicker skin.

Sounds as though the other woman actually felt jealous or inadequate underneath it all. You carry on doing what feels right for you and your family.

You should have insulted her to her miserable old face.

I took a break from work to raise kids. God I loved the faces on the working mums, cats bum mouths and dick comments. When the kids started school I went back to work. I probably earn more than all those miserable gits combined.

You can't win, anyway. When you go back to work the same sorts of people will sneer at you for being obsessed with money and prestige, embarrassing your poor husband by signalling he doesn't earn enough to keep you. My own mother tells me it's shameful if a man "can't keep a wife" and his wife "has to work", and she's only 58. Poisonous attitudes.

@Suddha so do you think that women who work in catering, cleaning, housekeeping, child care, gardening etc aren't interesting enough to keep a man?

You do what suits you and your family. Was she a working mother? Have statistics to throw back about the benefits to children of having a SAHM, and downsides to children of working mum. (I'm a working mother BTW). Why dies she think it's so important to do what's attractive to men? Your children priority.

Wow nothing like offending all the SAHMs in one go

Why does it matter if you are taking a break or not you have 3 kids and you can afford to be at home with them you should count yourself lucky loads of mums have to work as they don't have the option of staying home but I'm sure they would love to

My maternity ends soon and I'm going back to work part-time but if we have more children my DP earns enough for me to be able to stay home and I will take full advantage of that

On a side note your mum should choose nicer friends

I’d agree if you were talking about permanent SAHM

Why? It's a perfectly valid choice to make and it's absolute bullshit to say that men only want 'ambitious' women with paid jobs. Everyone's different. Plenty of people massively appreciate having a partner that's around during the day. I would imagine it's a lot less stressful for someone who works long hours if they have a partner who can be around to deal with all the childcare/life admin stuff that they would otherwise both have to wrangle around their work schedules. Doesn't matter which partner it is, but if people can afford to have one partner around who is happy to do that stuff, it certainly makes life a lot simpler. If your kid needs picking up from school because they're ill, it's a lot easier if you know that one of you is going to be available to do that rather than the pair of exchanging frantic messages to figure out which of them should cancel their important meeting that afternoon.

Saying a man should earn enough to keep a woman is seriously old fashioned.

Women have good careers and jobs today and want to keep working.

How does it leave a woman also if she relies on the man and they part company.

Seriously you should not worry what anyone thinks. Its none of her business.