DH either cannot or will not listen to anything I ever say to him. I'm 37 weeks pregnant now and I'm at my wits end - I don't know what to do. Just a run-through of yesterday.
DH is a teacher and his school were having a cake sale, so on Sunday we made cakes. DH was supposed to take 30 into school - 6 of each of the 5 different colours. When I was loading up the tray, I explained to him that only 4 colours fit on the big tray, so the other colour was on the smaller tray of cakes (with the ones we were keeping). Yesterday morning, I reminded DH not to forget the cakes and said to take the six blue cakes from the smaller tray, put them onto the larger tray and then clingfilm it. He comes back a few minutes later to say he's clingfilmed it and put it by the front door so he doesn't forget it. I ask if he put the blue ones on from the other tray - nope. He "didn't realise".
DH was dropping DS off at nursery and I reminded him to make sure he had his sunhat (which was in the car). But DH "forgot" by the time he got to nursery.
Those are the only conversations we actually had before DH went to work. And then he came home from work and the same thing continued.
We had some free time before DS needed collecting so I asked if we could clear the kitchen because there's clutter everywhere. DH said "sure" and then wandered into the living room... So, clearly just completely blanking what I said. I decided to just get on with some work at that point.
DH then opens all the front windows to cool the house down. However, the sun is at the front of the house and it's hotter outside than inside - so it's going to make the house even hotter. On Friday, we'd had a "discussion" about exactly this. He'd insisted on opening the front windows, I was insistent that it'd make the house hotter - I'd shown him the thermostat rising and he eventually accepted I was right and closed the windows. So, yesterday, I said it'll make the house hotter and could he please close the windows. Cue DH insisting that it'll cool the house down. I then have to walk him through the exact conversation we had on Friday and he suddenly "remembers" and closes the windows.
DH then decides he wants to groom the dog (she's non-shedding) and I ask him not to because it makes so much mess and we have to get DS soon so he won't have time to finish. He insists he will have time and that it's too hot (it is very hot so I do understand that) - so he begins grooming her. He quickly gets frustrated with the clippers because they're slow and gets kitchen scissors. I repeatedly ask him to be careful and to slow down and to be more gentle. It's getting closer and closer to the time we need to get DS (we've decided to go together and I can't currently drive so can't just leave without him). He eventually stops and the grooming is 99% done. I ask him to put the clippers and scissors away because I know what DS is like - DH says he doesn't have time right now because we'll be late to get DS (which is what I've been repeatedly trying to tell him!) so he'll put them away as soon as we get home. Fine.
We get home and I have a missed call from DM and I'm cooking DS's dinner. DH goes to the bathroom and DS goes into the living room and picks up the clippers and turns them on, and I remove them.
DH comes out of the bathroom and picks up the scissors and the dog again. I ask him not to groom her anymore (quite frankly, because he can't be trusted without constant supervision). He agrees and says he'll just clear up the fur - great! Literally within a minute of that, he's tried to continue cutting her fur and has managed to cut her across the throat with kitchen scissors! Why won't he just bloody listen to me!?!?
So, I demand he call the vet immediately and get an emergency appointment. And off he goes, leaving me with DS to sort dinner and bedtime by myself when it's a billion degrees and I can't lift DS.
The dog needs to be put under, have the wound flushed, stitches and go onto antibiotics. The vet tells DH we need to keep our two dogs separate (they're very bouncy, playful spaniel breeds) and that I can't administer the medication because I'm allergic to it and heavily pregnant. Meanwhile, at home, DS won't go to sleep because daddy is out with the dog and he knows the dog is hurt. DH comes home and walks straight in with the dog, no attempt to keep her away from the other dog - he could've just carried her surely?! I ask him to please pick her up and he looks at me like I'm speaking Swahili. DS is fussing all over her and he's not gentle either so I'm asking him to stop but I'm also cooking dinner for me and DH and trying not to let the onions burn. DH then takes DS up to bed and, I stupidly assumed, had put the dog in a different room - but no, he's just taken her off the lead and left her in the same room as the other dog. DH comes back down and I practically beg him to please please please please put the dogs in separate rooms (like the vet said). After a stupid amount of resistance (the uninjured dog doesn't like being away from the injured dog), he agrees.
DH wants to put bowls of food and water in that room for her so grabs a storage box where we have spare dog bowls. These boxes are a bit temperamental and you have to hold both sides when you lift them or the sides shift from a square to a rhombus and the bottom falls out. I point this out to DH all the time. But, he doesn't listen, grabs the box with one hand, the bottom falls out and shit goes absolutely everywhere. Whatever. He clears it up and sorts the food/water.
At this point, I initiate yet another discussion about DH not listening to me. He makes all the right noises, very apologetic, feels awful, he's so sorry for hurting the dog, I was right, he should've listened etc etc. But, as per usual, no suggestions on how to actually get through to him.
I'm then cooking dinner and DH starts making his lunch for the next day. I want to go and check up on the injured dog in the other room and ask DH to please a) stir the dinner so it doesn't burn (he's right next to it anyway because he's cooking his lunch) and b) read through an email I've drafted about our house sale. He says ok to both. As I'm leaving the room, I reiterate "so, stir the food and check the email" and he says "yep, cool". I come back in a couple of minutes later - DH has managed to burn both the dinner and his lunch! He apparently can't remember me asking him to keep an eye on dinner!? So, I have to salvage all of that. And he hasn't read through the email!
Earlier, when the vet said the dogs needed to be separate, I'd said that we'd probably need to have them upstairs overnight then (because the uninjured dog doesn't like to be alone) but upstairs would need some sorting out because she's also a prolific sock-stealer and will steal everything. DH agreed. At the evening got later and later, I mentioned multiple times about needing the bedroom sorting - DH agreed each time. Eventually, I throw a bit of a strop about doing it right now, we go upstairs and DH is immediately just far too tired and wants to go to sleep - accompanied by him moaning about why we didn't sort it earlier!! So, I agree to keep the dogs separate and downstairs overnight on the basis that DH is responsible for getting up and sorting it out if the dog gets distressed being alone.
Then, DH goes to sleep - and starts snoring away. I can sleep through his snoring but I can't fall asleep whilst he's snoring. We've discussed this multiple times but he is, supposedly, physically incapable of keeping himself awake whilst I fall asleep. He just won't. No matter how many times I beg and plead with him to just fucking please stay awake for five fucking minutes - he will not do it. He just says "ok" and is asleep again thirty seconds later. So, despite dozens of discussions, I went to sleep in the spare room (with no fan and it's lit up to fuck by the community hall's damn security lights) and I still can't get to sleep because his snoring is SO FUCKING LOUD. We ended up arguing at about 2am about the fact he will not listen!
So, we didn't have a single conversation where some kind of stress or chaos was caused by DH failing to listen, or not remembering, or not understanding, or not realising...
Today, same thing. I remind DH to give the dog her medication, he says he will. I have horrendous haemorrhoids (sorry TMI) that mean I can't even sit and have to lay down or stand up 100% of the time. DH, kindly offers to get me something cool, I said "that would really help"...he goes off and doesn't come back. Then he leaves for work and texts me to say he forgot to give the dog her antibiotics and can I do it...even though the vet said I shouldn't do it because I'm allergic to the medication and heavily pregnant! But there's no one else here so I glove up and give her the medication. I get back to bed (barely had any sleep) and hear a smash in the kitchen. DH left his glass on the edge of the side and the dog has knocked it off and it's smashed on the floor. I've asked him countless times to not leave glasses on the side because the dog always does this. I then begin the hunt for the hoover (which was last used by DH yesterday). I can't find it anywhere so phone him. He initially says he doesn't know, then "it's on charge" (which tells me that it's within a vicinity of a plug somewhere) and eventually that it's charging under our bed. Again, I've asked him multiple times not to put it there because it's really difficult to get it out of there when I'm pregnant (also, we have a custom built cleaning cupboard with plugs in it purely for the purpose of charging the hoover!!!). He claimed he's never heard me say that. Then I discover he's separated the motor part of the hoover from the arm. So, I phone him to find out where the arm is because I can't find it anywhere. "It's on the kitchen table" - I'm stood by the kitchen table, which has a plant and a candle on it and nothing else. He insists it's on the table. This whole time, I'm trying to stop the dog walking on broken glass and ensure she's separated from the other dog... It won't be any better when he gets home from work tonight.
Regardless, how do I get him to listen to me?! I've considered getting cameras to prove I've said things but I don't think that'll actually make him listen. DH has suggested I write things down and him check them so I know he's actually acknowledged it but that doesn't work when I send him messages and he replies (things like "please can you get yoghurts" when he's at the supermarket and then he'll reply "no problem" and, when he returns without them, he'll deny any knowledge of being asked for them until I show him the message). I'm at breaking point. He has no disabilities or hearing problems or learning difficulties. Our marriage is great apart from this issue but it feels like it's every conversation we have now. Please tell me someone else has had this problem and somehow fixed it?!
(I know, I sound like hard work, but I have to be hard work because otherwise everything descends into absolute anarchy. I don't want to be such hard work).