Potty training help ! DS cries on toilet !!

[pottypoopoo]

I am attempting potty training my two and a half year old DS.

I've gently introduced him to the toilet since he was very little.

He knows we go to the toilet to do poo poo and pee pee ( sorry ).. if I say, where do we do poo poo ? He replies- in the toilet. He also says poo poo to me sometimes when he's about to do something or when he passes gas ( sorry again everyone ).

I've tried to be really relaxed about it. So when he says something about it, I try to encourage him to go. Sometimes I even try to take his nappy off on those days where he talks to me about it. Recently though, when I take him to the actual toilet, he starts screaming and doesn't want to go. Or when I say, come on, let's go to the toilet, he cries and screams.

I think it may have been caused by an incident a few months ago, where I thought he was kind of ready to do a poo and there was a bit of an explosion and it went everywhere and upset him. ( I never screamed or anything, but he got upset about it whilst trying to clean him up etc ). I could be wrong, but I feel like it may have been traumatising for him.

On the other hand, he now hates having his nappy changed and cries and screams during. He does however tell me quite often when he has gone in his nappy and even told me to change him before.

Any advice ? Is he just not ready ? I'm putting hardly any pressure on it, except that I talk about it to him and when I see him going, I tell him we do that in the toilet, to which he replies ' No ' . I then say, do you want to come to the toilet with mummy ? And he again says ' NO '.

A toilet is very scary for someone so small, have you tried using a potty instead?

Yes I should have clarified, I have a potty too. So I try both things.

He is clearly not ready. I think stop, wait a few months and start again. You are only traumatizing him if he isn't ready. We only started day time training at 3.5y for ds and he got it almost immediately- was dry in two weeks with 1 accident. We did overnight just after he turned 4 and the very first night he slept in his underwear was the first night he never had an accident. He was more than ready by then. My friend started her twins at 2 and at 5yo they are still wetting frequently. She regrets starting so early.

There is a section on potty training in the Being a Parent section where you will find lots of suggestions 🙂

I can imagine at 3 and a half it will be so quick and a lot less stressful and fewer accidents. It's tough because where I come from he's already very very late and I get a lot of pressure for it. I think I was one and a half and that's normal there.

But yeah I do think he's not ready and I don't like upsetting him. He just said poo poo to me again and I said, ok, shall we go to the toilet to do it ? And he replied with a stern NO MUMMY !

If he’s screaming, stop.

Carry on with nappies and come back to the toilet on a later date.

Have you got a toilet seat for your toilet so his bottom doesn’t fall through?

Steps so he can get up easily?

Oh sorry! I will check that out !!

agree doesn’t sound quiet ready yet, if you have a garden maybe put a potty outside and then put him in pants and top to run around and keep checking if he wants to sit on potty. Let him choose the potty and pants can help. He’ll get their in the end. Some kids master it with in a day or 2 others it can take months and months but they nearly all get their

Yeah he has that ring for the toilet and the steps and also a potty.

Open up a nappy and lay it over the potty, then, when he’s happy using that, put a wad of toilet paper in the bottom of the potty instead. They don’t like the feeling of it ‘falling away’ from them.

Dd was 3.4 when she was potty trained.

We let her go bare bum she in the summer. The first day, she weed the floor a lot. Even had an accidental poo outside.

The second day was worse

The 3rd day though, it clicked and was almost completely dry.

By day 4, she got it. She’s never had an accident since. (She’s 9 now).

We tried the same method with ds but he struggled with it. After a week of trying, we gave up and put him back in nappies. We tried again when he was was 3.9 and he did managed to do it this time. However, he will still accidentally wet his pants if he laughs too much. He’s 7

Toilet training can be so difficult, can't it? My DD refused to poo in a toilet and saved it up until we put her nighttime nappy on her! My friend's DD did exactly the same, so it's certainly not uncommon. Does he wee in the toilet/potty? (Sorry if you've already said.)

My son was 3 and a half before I potty trained him, idgaf if that is seen as late. Each child is ready when they are ready, it isn't a race.
Took a week, he was dry at night within the week too. Never had an accident

No wee either. Nothing basically.

It makes a lot more sense to wait until they're that kind of age, as it's usually quicker. All my relatives are already slagging me off because my DS isn't out of nappies yet. I asked my aunt how long it took to potty train her two her old granddaughter and she said it took 6 months. It's just a completely different thing when done with a much younger child.

Yeah fuck that for a laugh 😂 6 months of repeating "we poo here not in pants/on the dog/outside"
I'd rather wait until they were ready!
My daughter took about 3 weeks, she was 4 years old. Someone told me it was late as their daughter was using the toilet at 2 but who honestly cares
"He isn't ready yet" and move the conversation on
My other daughter was 3.5, it took 2 months
But my daughters still aren't dry at night

Absolutely stop.

With DD I felt I ‘had’ to have her potty trained at two. I’m really ashamed in hindsight because she just wasn’t ready. It took months, endless tears and frustration and a brand new settee because she pooed on it.

With DS I was far more laissez faire due to lockdown and he was about three and a half by the time he was fully dry. It took a week for him to ‘get it’ and aside from accidents where we were slack or he just didn’t realise it was plain sailing.

Don’t feel pressure to get her dry before she is ready. Stick him back in nappies and try again after summer.

Most kids that were “potty trained” at a young age like your grandmothers children, more than likely just wore pants, wet them, and then would be changed into dry clothes.

It’s what my sister did. She brags about how her dd was potty trained at 18 months. In reality, she took several pairs of clothes with her and continuously changed her. She wasn’t fully dry for another 2 years.

Seriously. What was the point? More stress for everyone all around

I have a friend who has been trying to potty train her just turned 2 yr old for the last six months. I asked her how it was going last week and she said she’ll go for wees in the potty “if you catch her in time.”.

Sorry but life is too short to spend six months of it chasing a toddler round with a potty and trying to cajole them into sitting on it at the right time.

My friend was pressured into starting by her old school MIL and DM. They claim their own kids were PT’d by 18 months- which might mean they were out of nappies, but I’d bet good money on them having constant accidents and not actually being reliably dry.

We tried with DS at 2.5- he was scared of the loo, wouldn’t use the potty, lots of accidents. I just called time on it after a few weeks and we left it until his 3rd birthday and he got it pretty much straight away.

So similar to my situation. Mother and mother in law constantly ask about it and are concerned and disappointed that DS is still in nappies as apparently we were all dry at 18 months... even our cousins children are apparently all out of nappies always at 18 months - 2 years max..

Are they happy to wee and poo in their nappy? If so I would give it a break and try again in a few months. If not (this happened with my son where he was terrified of pooing on the potty but also refused to go back to doing it in a nappy) you could try a more hands off approach. I think we were inadvertently pressuring him by offering stickers if he went, constantly taking him to use the potty when he clearly needed to use it etc. One day we just stopped, left the potty out, had him naked below the waist and basically just let him get on with it which he did.

Might be a bit early, it's ok to try but you have to commit to no nappy except naps at home and either get sorted or stop and try again in a few months. Otherwise it gets confusing, he has to remember if he's in a nappy or not.

Have a think about the seating for your toilet too, does he have a step and comfy seat? We got a nice seat with cushion and handles like this: www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07QVPFWV6?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share. Much more comfy for him to relax for a poo, so we didn't have any issues there. For wee, easiest to just go nappy free in the garden, get used to going in the potty or standing at a target but no issues with splashing or clean-up so it's more relaxed.

He'll get it. Give him some space. No need to reinforce his fears with the toilet by forcing him. Just set a potty in the living room, near his play area, let him get used to it. Maybe his Teddy bear needs to use the potty to show him its fun? Does he have older cousins near his age, and you could say things like "x is a big boy, he's learnt how to use the toilet. X was scared too at first, but he tried it and now he doesn't need a nappy". Say it in a matter of fact way, not like you're comparing your son to X. If he goes to the nursery, ask them to encourage him to use the potty and not use a nappy except for nap time

Yeah so he seems happy enough to go, but he does tell me when he's done a poo. He's also really hating it when I change him now though. I'm not sure why. But he screams murder when I need to change his nappy, which makes me think he doesn't like doing a poo in there.

You need to just own the decision to take a break.

When they bring it up just say “He’s just not ready yet. We’ll try again soon.” and brush off any follow up comments or comparisons with something like “Yes, it’s funny how they’re all different isn’t it?” and just don’t get into a conversation about it.

With DS we went back to nappies for about 2 months and then tried again. It kind of gave him a chance to reset and he went into it much more confident and ready.