To decline this job offer?

[moiraandthebebe]

I'm in a work from home role that I've been in since February this year. Big career change and I love my job. I was on a temporary contract until June but this has been extended until the end of September. From then, the prospect of contract extensions is shaky as the provision ends entirely in March next year and what available jobs are left for the 'skeleton staff' will go to permanent members of staff first then trickle down to those on fixed term contracts. No idea how they'll decide - probably on stats.

I applied for a very similar role within the same business but in a different department not thinking I would get it and I did. It's working from the office four days a week and from home one day a week. Same salary, basically same job description.

I'm chronically ill. POTS and EDS with chronic pain, frequent dislocations, periods of fainting and heart palpitations etc. Basically I look fully functioning and healthy but I'm not. Both jobs are very disability accommodating (office has a lift etc and they've already asked what, if any, adaptions I'd require). Obviously at home I can function in my pyjamas if I'm not feeling the best whereas in the office I'd have to be presentable.

I'm a non-driver since the frequent dislocations can make my ankle an issue on the pedals so I would rely on public transport. Two buses and four trains a day meaning around an hour commute to and from work. The hardest part for me would be maintaining consistency of getting to work and performing whilst there.

DD's are 11 and 14 and can't be left to get themselves to school or stay in the house alone for a period before I would be home at 6pm. DH works shifts that change randomly (lower retail managerial role) so is unreliable to be home. When DD's heard about the job offer my eldest started crying saying she was upset that I wouldn't be home and she'd hate staying with a local relative while we work. DD14 is on the spectrum so routine has been key for her so far.

DH and the kids are in the camp of me staying in my current role and hoping for a contract extension while I can't help but to think if I don't take this job then a) I have no longevity in this role that I genuinely love and b) I'm committing the family to surviving this winter on such a small wage with just PIP, a little UC from the disability group I'm in (I don't have to search for work) and DH's wage. We'd be nearly £1000 down a month which is a lot with what's predicted this winter.

In my heart I know the family need me healthy, thriving and home but my head just says I'm being an absolute idiot letting the opportunity for a career to pass me by in a permanent job and to subject everyone to living on less than they could be because their mother didn't push herself enough to try.

Sorry for it being long but I didn't want to miss the backstory.

AIBU to turn the job down and stay until the end of September hoping I get renewed for a few months knowing I'll be back on benefits either in October or April?

If I understood you correctly the new role is for the company you work for currently, have you asked whether there was any flexibility in where you can work from?

If you could do the job its a no brained but you have to be realistic. Can you really do 4 days of that commute, honestly......

Its the same company, just a slightly different department. It's an office based role and needs to be as we see people for appointments daily whereas the department I'm currently with is all phone and email appointments. Unfortunately, there is no flexibility as we're funded by the government which means we are stipulated to see our customers in person on this new contract.

@DDivaStar My head says yes but realistically, there would be hiccups. Whether it's a month in or whether my joints and fatigue hold it together until the colder months kick in, at some point it's going to become very difficult.

I resent this illness so much and I've been doing so well these past six months (but of course I have, I've been working from the lounge). I feel like I'm fighting my own reasoning because I love this job and this sector so much.

When you say you’re a non driver, is it that you no longer drive or have never driven because motability can adapt cars for acceleration/breaking hand controls (obvs if you qualify for funding)

Op I have (mild) EDS and an ex colleague with more severe EDS like you're describing and I also work in HR so I have a decent understanding of your situation.
It sounds like terms of the new role just aren't going to work for you. Despite having a disability they would likely end up dismissing you on capability grounds if you can't fulfil the role by coming to the office.
The journey sounds awful even for a person in good health tbh.

@NoseyNellie I had lessons and was test ready pre-Covid after some awful experiences when I was younger but the day before everything got shut down for lockdown my ankle dislocated on the accelerator when I was on a roundabout and it shook me up so badly that I didn't go back for more lessons post-lockdown.

DH has been taking me around the local car parks in our car trying to build up my confidence again with an ankle brace but it will be a while before I'm confident enough again for a driving instructor other than DH (and until I can book a new test because they're still booked up months in advance).

At the moment I receive higher rate daily living but standard rate mobility via PIP so I don't think Motability are an option.

I think you must turn it down. Your family are worried about your health and the logistics, and rightly so. You will either make yourself ill or be unreliable in the role. I would like to think that you will be a prime candidate for an extension of your current role - it sounds perfectly suited and I bet you are good at it.

I also work in HR and have a sister with POTS. She manages it with diet and exercise.

We managed to get her some reasonable adjustments to enable her to work 12 hour shifts (nights and days) in the emergency services. She had very very little time off because the adjustments worked so well.

How does your POTS affect you and what causes it to flare/go into remission?

Message me if you like.

Have you looked up support with transport from Access to Work? I know people who have been able to gave taxis paid for to and from work through this scheme

Might be worth exploring Access to Work for the transport. Won’t help with the childcare though.

@catfunk I keep thinking I have a handle on the illness but it's just the bias because I'm so good at working from home. I know you are right. The logistics of working in an office based environment with a public transport commute like this would mean my performance would suffer even if I could manage to make it into the office daily.

@justfiveminutes I like to think I'm a good candidate for the extension. I consistently perform well above targets and my one to ones have gone very well with my manager consistently. We have a lovely close knit team for being so remote and our manager is a lovely, kind (but very blunt) person who wouldn't mince his words if something were off or if I were underperforming. It's just the uncertainty that is worrying me so much. If I knew I'd be there until March 30th I know I'd instantly choose the role I'm currently in over any other.

@OnceAgainWithFeeling It's a relatively new diagnosis (about six months ago) after a few years of worsening symptoms so I'm still trying to navigate it. Mostly I feel very dizzy, sick and faint and if I don't catch it quickly enough I go down like a sack of spuds. I don't do much exercise other than Pilates and physiotherapy exercises but I drink electrolyte drinks and add more salt to my diet which seems to stave off the worst of it. Today in this heat the symptoms have been pretty bad and I've felt awful to the point of needing to lay down propped up with my laptop and lots of extra electrolyte fluids to combat the dizziness, heart palpitations and fatigue but I haven't noticed it before last week for a solid 3 weeks so it's very much trial and error. Any help you can provide would be fantastic.

@TimeSlipMushroom @TestingTestingWonTooFree Thank you for referencing Access To Work. I'm going to apply tomorrow but I'm imagining the application process takes a while and I need to get back to the new department ASAP as they're looking for three weeks notice in my current role to move over.

I work for one of the companies who work with Access To Work so I'm going to call HR tomorrow too and see if there is any advice with moving forward with it. It states on the government page that the employer may need to fund some adaptions until the grant comes through so in regard to taxis etc, this may not be possible to expense (£28 either way at the moment).