I'm so scared

[ihateendometriosis]

Im apologising in advance - I'm fully aware I've posted a lot over the past few weeks.

The advice and support I have gained from people on mumsnet is unreal and in real life I don't have anyone to talk to.

Same lines as my other posts sorry - I'm just so terrified about my fertility due to endometriosis and the hydrosalpinx in my left tube. Every day I'm struggling more and more and torturing myself with overthinking. Im so scared at my laparoscopy and hysteroscopy they are going to tell me I'm gonna be infertile. I'm terrified of the prospect of potentially having to have ivf and it not working.

I know no one has a crystal ball so this is such an impossible thing for anyone to answer. I feel so out of control and like my life's standing still whilst everyone else breezes through. Argh please can someone comfort me again in some way, sorry ;(

Many people with your condition go on to have children.

What no one tells you is that many people who have children regret having children, and wish they could go back in time and undo that choice.

What i’m saying is, you don’t know what path your life will take, things will all happen outside of your control. You may not have children and be absolutely delighted long term that you didn’t. You might have adventures beyond your wildest dreams that you never could have had if you had a child at home.

You might have a child and all your dreams come true. Or the child could have additional needs and scream and you don’t sleep for 20 years.

My point is, having children or not is not the only thing that will factor in your lifetime happiness. There are so many other things. This might help put into perspective the conception worries you have. Good luck xxx

@NinaManiana

Thank you for your lovely message 🤍
I feel so empty and like I won't be able to exist without a baby. But you are right - I don't know what my life will be like either way at the moment xx

Bump

I have PCOS, endometriosis and tubes that barely work. I ended up having IVF but you have other options to go through before you even get there so I would say that as hard as it is you just need to think about the next step in front of you instead of assuming they'll all fail and you'll end up having IVF.

I totally understand your want to have a baby and how hard it is to struggle with fertility but just take it one step at a time.

No advice sorry, but I know there will b great advice to follow x

I feel very sorry for what you are going through. I don't have any experience of the problems you've mentioned but I have suffered from other fertility issues and much worry and fear because of it. I just knew I wanted to be a mum and anything the would have jeopardized that would have caused me a lot of stress. In the end I comforted myself by thinking it was possible I could become a stepmum or even meet a man with part time custody of his children. At least I could have children in my life in that way.

@WhyDoesItAlways

Thank you. This is exactly what my partners saying that I need to take it one step at a time but I always 'need' to know everything which is impossible!

If you don't mind me asking, did ivf work for you? Sorry to be so personal x

Yes, it worked. We are very lucky that we live in an area that gives 3 goes of IVF on the NHS so I approached the first round as a bit of a trial run, no pressure and it worked first time. I realise that I'm incredibly lucky.

However, I will also say that I had awful PND from the moment my son was born, I had no connection with him at all, he may as well have been a strangers baby but I learnt to love him over time and for this reason I would also consider adoption if we decided to have another child as I honestly believe that you can form the same relationship with an adopted child than you can with a biological one so really I wouldn't even count IVF as a last chance saloon. There are so many options for you and I'm sure none of them seem ideal but as PP said you might find happiness in unexpected places.

@WhyDoesItAlways

I'm very pleased it worked for you.

Thank you for your honesty too - not many people will admit that so I really appreciate it. Due to my history, I do think the chances are high that I'd suffer with pnd too xx

Hi OP i have severe endo - well i did, now gone through menopause so no longer any issues. I won't bore you with all the gruesome details over the years, but when i was in my early 30s i had my left ovary & fallopian tube because they were so badly damaged. I had my 1st dc at 37 - conceived naturally - and my 2nd at 39 (ditto)
The gynae who operated on me said if i wanted to conceive i should "crack on" as ivf would probably be necessary. I was in two minds so said no. When we did decide to try a few years later it was very much 'we'll give it 6 months & if it happens, great, if not it wasn't meant to be'. I think trying not to put pressure on yourself is really important.

sorry, typo - i had my ovary & tube removed

@airforsharon

Thank you for replying - this is so so comforting to know.

Xxx