AIBU to expect DH to rsvp?

[Midge75]

I genuinely want to know if I’m being unreasonable. DH is one of the leaders of a youth club that our daughter attends. Recently, an invitation went out to the group on WhatsApp, to go to a theme park/zoo together over the summer - I didn’t think it was an official club event, more of a “we thought it would be nice to go together, who’s in?” sort of thing, though I’m not sure it matters. We are away that weekend so I didn’t respond. The deadline is still a while away. DH asked tonight if I had responded and I said no, as I hadn't wanted to make the sender sift through ‘can’t come’ messages to count up the ‘can come, need ticket’ messages. DH said it was better to respond, and better to do it sooner rather than later so they could plan. I said (I accept there was no need to clarify why I hadn’t responded) the deadline is the cut off - they can count up the yes’s then and book tickets accordingly. He got a bit grumpy about it so I asked him why he hadn’t responded then, since he thought it was important. He said, he hadn’t responded because he’s one of the leaders, and I’m usually in charge of our daughter ms social life. I don’t get it. He’s done it before with this group - there was some event that needed a consent form returned. The letter never made it to me - I saw WhatsApp messages about sending back the consent forms and assumed, as I hadn’t seen the letter and my DH is one of the leaders, that he must have signed it without even bringing it home. That would make sense to me and is what I would do if I were a leader.
so AIBU to expect my DH to sign stuff and respond to events for our daughter that are being organised by his own club?

(sorry - really boring post - I just want to figure out if I’m being as unreasonable as he seems to think I am)

No YANBU he is equally capable of replying as you. Why is he happy for you to have to do everything for your daughter's social life.
I would just leave it.

not unreasonable to want him to do it
unreasonable to think no response needed if you can't go - if you can't go, tell them!

I read that as, "to expect DH to rap"
Sorry, not helpful, but I wondered why he might be rapping.

No, YANBU. I’d say to him that given that he’s at the club he should take on all club related admin for your daughter as it saves double handling. Unless there’s some club rule where a leader can’t sign parent forma.

Sorry but you are both being unreasonable.

It takes 30 seconds to send a quick “sorry we can’t make it” message.

I know you think it’s in your husbands interest to let the group know, but the time it’s taken you to post on here you could have easily sent a message to decline.

Omg if he's the leader surely he can tell himself she's not going. Weird man.

Is this a reflection of what goes on in other situations? If not it's very pretty.

You should rsvp whether you can go or not. Yes your DH should have done it.

I just don’t know what to do
About the RSVP to the zoo
We can’t make it this time
I could say so in rhyme
But I’m giving my wife
All kinds of strife
Cos she organises DD’s social life
Even though I’m a perfectly capable adult and in fact better placed for this task since I’m involved in the group
Word
::beat boxes::

Well you just need to decide who will respond to which activities rather than guessing.

Sending a x cant make this one at least let's them know its a definite no rather than you thinking about it.

He is saying you are responsible for the grunt work, so fuck that.

What does he do as leader?

@stuntbubbles
I love this 😂

If you knew you were away why didn't you respond immediately? Your reasoning is weird - they need to know who can't come as much as who can.
As for whether your husband should have responded - however it works in your family. He assumed you, you kinda thought him - discuss who will moving forward.

I so recognise this ... yes.. your DH could indeed just have done it.. if he felt it important. Your stance was also fine.

It drives me potty when people are asked - respond if you are available.. and then a stream of 'X can't come because we have something very important as a family that weekend and she had to practice cello for a recital in 4 weeks time as well the fact that she is really tired from all of the pressure she is under with her year 3 end of term assessments so she really needs to rest'. NO ONE CARES AND NO ONE ASKED!!

I think both views are fine. I do respond sometimes ‘sorry won’t be able to come’ and just not respond in others situations.
I don’t understand why you were arguing instead of responding but I suspect it’s a part of something bigger. My DH and I often have quarrels like this absolutely unreasonable from outside but sitting in a deeper problems.So the question is what’s your real problem.

The message just came through yesterday while all sorts of other stuff was going on, which is one of the main reasons I didn’t respond - you know when you see something pop up on your phone, which is lying on the table, and think “I’ll handle that later” - by which time all manner of other things have popped up and you forget about it. I always rsvp to parties, bbqs, other invites whether or not we can go - it’s just that I read this particular one (possibly wrongly because I hadn’t even opened the message - just quickly glanced at it on the table as my phone pinged and it briefly popped up on the screen) as “rsvp if you want to join us”, if you see why I mean. It’s a large group, which is why when he asked today (over dinner, which is why we were discussing rather than doing anything about it), I’d said it wasn’t absolutely necessary to respond. But I do understand that that goes against what I do with most invitations. At the end of the discussion we had agreed that DH would respond so I wasn't using rsvp time to come on here. I just genuinely wanted to know if I was unreasonable. Most responses to dinner or whatever, we would just ask if the other has rsvp’d and if they haven’t, we’ll do it ourselves - no big underlying issue. That’s why I found his insistence odd that it should be me whenever it comes to this club. Anyway, not a big issue - just a silly evening annoyance!

😆 Very good work!