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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave boyfriend....

25 replies

nataliebre · 11/07/2022 18:50

We live together and have done for a year.
He wanted a kitten and I really didn't ...we got a kitten.
This was 3 weeks ago...then yesterday he said he has agreed to get his sister kitten.
I said I didn't want another kitten,I was happy with just 1.
Today he has brought the kitten home and buggered off to work till 10pm.
They are both hissing and fighting with each other.
Aibu to go stay at my parents for a few days for a bit of peace and let him deal with this shit show?

OP posts:
Blanca87 · 11/07/2022 18:51

do it.
whose house do you live in and how long have you been together?

Shoxfordian · 11/07/2022 18:52

Yanbu at all

He sounds quite disrespectful, I would love a cat but my husband doesn’t want one so we don’t have one. I think it’s really unfair to bring pets into a house unless everyone wants one

Original poster
nataliebre · 11/07/2022 18:52

It's my flat but he moved in.
I love him but once he gets an idea in his head ...there's no talking to him

OP posts:
Calvinlookingforhobbes · 11/07/2022 18:53

Leave him. Do if now and find someone who is a partner to you.

MrszClaus · 11/07/2022 18:54

If it's your house, and you don't want him there you can definitely ask him to leave. You can leave a relationship for any reason you want!

I'm a cat lover so a bit bias, I'd think two better than one. Definitely not okay he's making decisions without you / leaving you to deal with the fallout of introducing two kittens (did he do this properly or just dump them in a room together??) and it's sounding very disrespectful the way he's gone about it all.

icelollycraving · 11/07/2022 18:56

Bloody hell. How long has he lived with you?

Original poster
nataliebre · 11/07/2022 18:56

Well he let them meet in living room
Then went to work and I got back 10 mins later
One kitten in living room
One in bedroom
I let them say hello and they started hissing and fighting.

I've never had a cat only dogs so I feel out of my depth.

OP posts:
ScarlettSunset · 11/07/2022 18:56

So he's moved into your flat and basically started walking all over you and ignoring what you want?
Tell him to leave and take his kittens with him

MrsPartridgeKleio · 11/07/2022 18:58

Leave the kittens to it. If they are a similar age they will settle down quickly. I adore cats but that said, I'd be kicking him out.

Aquamarine1029 · 11/07/2022 18:58

Stop being such a doormat and show him and the cats the door. His lack of respect for you is very telling.

Blanca87 · 11/07/2022 18:59

your bf is a cheeky fucker. It’s a bit of a red flag and entitled as fuck to steam roll over your boundaries like that. I bet there is more examples of this behaviour once you start examining your relationship….

Original poster
nataliebre · 11/07/2022 19:00

@MrsPartridgeKleio yeah one is 11 weeks and the other 9 weeks
They are from the same house just different litter
When boyfriend picked first kitten up they were lay together ...now they seem to hate each other

OP posts:
Summerslam · 11/07/2022 19:01

The kittens will settle down soon enough, but I don't think that's your main issue here.
Your boyfriend is being massively disrespectful by getting not one, but two cats, against your wishes. Why does his sister's cat have to be at your flat anyway?

mumorworkduties · 11/07/2022 19:02

He needs to go. He has no respect for you

billy1966 · 11/07/2022 19:04

Could he have any less respect for you?

Why on earth would tolerate this?🙄

Gerwurtztraminer · 11/07/2022 19:17

You say you love him but how long will that last if every time he wants his own way, he just goes and does it irrespective of your feelings?

Kittens might not appear to be the dealbreaker over relationship but it could be the last straw if he persistently ignores your opinions and feelings. Especially since it's your flat and you've not been together that long.

The honeymoon phase of 'being extra nice' has worn off for him at least (was there every one?). If I was you I'd be reconsidering this relationship.

In the meantime he needs to do all the cat food buying and litter tray cleaning and 'enrichment' (i.e. playing with them to burn off energy) . Are they spayed/neutered? Vaccinated, and treated for fleas and worms? What about future vet bills? All his cost and responsibility. Cats are a commitment - unless he's an irresponsible moron who would get rid of them when they become inconvenient.

And yes the cats may get to like each other (or at least tolerate) but that may take time, make sure they have places they can be apart, even happy cat-mates need space. Keep food areas separate in particular, and don't leave it down during the day, to avoid disputes.

TheCatterall · 11/07/2022 19:17

So he’s committed you to 12+ years of cat ownership. Nice.

has he got money for the microchips.
And the first set of injections.

insurance?

I think I’d be getting it into my head I want a new boyfriend not a man child that does as he wants with no regard to the consequences as I CBA with that for 40+ years.

UrsulaBursula · 11/07/2022 19:19

Kick him and the kittens out

you certainly don’t want to have to deal with cleaning cat sh*t, piss and blood when you come back from your friends.

Onlyforcake · 11/07/2022 19:20

I couldn't keep the cats or the ridiculous boundary stamping boyfriend. He needs to piss off with HIS pets.

PetersRabbitt · 11/07/2022 19:22

Urrrrrmmm you know when you guys split up you will be left with the cats. Do you know how hard it is to even go away for the weekend with cats let alone a holiday!! They can live over 10-15 years!!

youre mad, I’d kick him and the cats out!

Therealjudgejudy · 11/07/2022 19:27

This guy has zero respect for you or you home. Seriously, set you bar higher

CallOnMe · 11/07/2022 19:41

This personally wouldn’t bother me but mainly as I love kittens and I too would probably end up going back for the other one.

It’s a massive red flag that this one household has kittens that are 11 weeks old and ones that are 9 weeks old and I’d be annoyed that he’s chosen someone who obviously breeds for money.

This wouldn’t bother me but this is your line.
We all have a line but it’s different for everyone.
I think you should definitely break up.

CalistoNoSolo · 11/07/2022 20:12

Can't stand cats so this would never have happened in the first place in my world. But your boyfriend sounds like a boundary trampling arse hole, and you sound way too passive. It's your flat fgs. Rehome the kittens and the boyfriend and find your backbone and self respect.

Bananalanacake · 12/07/2022 07:13

Does he pay towards bills and food. Is he getting insurance for the kittens.

Meraas · 12/07/2022 07:20

This is the sign you need that you need to tell
him to move out.

This twat has zero respect for you.

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