PP
I'm broken so please be kind
Won't go into to much story but I really need to leave and I have 0 options open for me ?
I feel like such a stupid stupid little girl for having another baby an now I'm going to be left high an dry with 4 kids..... who he will see on HIS terms and do NO appointments with? We have hospital appointments with 2 oldest dc very regularly an he refuses to do them to give me a break, it's a whole 12 hour day if not longer in hospital inc travel. I'm just fed up! why can he say what he does an doesn't want to do but I just get on with it because I have to wn say absolutely F all!!!!
Past few weeks he keeps going on about the fact I had sex before I knew him/met him snd he knows the people (he literally knows everyone we're we are from so this is obvious) and wants to know every detail about what happened but simply I cannot remember and I don't care to remember it was over 10 years ago so I don't think it's relevant ??
So last night he kept asking me for sex again, even though I knock him sick and I'm a fat ugly mess?? But I have thrush (been on holiday an used a shit shower gel 😩) and was falling asleep so he went crazy! I'd been up since half 5 with dc an took all 3 out for the day on my own. He got out of bed at 8, went straight out after he had his coffee in bed an came back as I was leaving with dc, then did nothing all day but lay around until I come back then he sits on sofa on his phone why I cook tea, feed, bath and then put kids to bed so I'm tierd plus pregnant. He isn't !!! So because I kept nodding off he jumped up and started to scream I need to go fuck someone who interests me I'm just a slag he doesn't know why he's put up with me for so long im the biggest slag walking I need stick to been a whore, hes had better sex else we're ours is shit then he started "when you slept with xyz where did you have sex " "how many times " "what was it like" well I can't remember it was so long ago. I know we had sex but I can't recall every detail, so im on my side facing the wall, he jumped on top of me and pushed my head into the pillow an started to push his fingers into my eyes ???
I couldn't breath and I had a panic attack stood in the corner of the bedroom when I managed to get up
He was fine until I got pregnant! He wanted this baby, he convinced me....
What the F did I do wrong ? Did I do something wrong an not realise ?
Iv been with him 10+ years, had all his children, I pay all the bills and even care for his other kids I ask nothing from him, I don't go out and if I do I have all the kids or I'm with him, I don't drink or smoke, I have no social media, wtf am I doing wrong ??
I can't take no more I'm so on the edge I just want to get my kids an run- but where do I run we have nowhere an now I'm pregnant again. I'm so stupid to get myself in his position!
Financially I can afford to live an support me and the kids alone as I do now he give us nothing maybe the odd £30 towards my meat for the week but the mortgage is in his name so it's me who has to leave.....