ADHD? Please help

[Wheresyourheadatthen]

Feeling concerned about our just turned 4 year old Dd. She’s always been very energetic & chatty, never stops, full of excitement and enthusiasm. Even as a baby ,she’d crawl and then run for miles.
After she turned 3, things really cranked up a bit. I’ve noticed at parties with friends, during pass the parcel for example, she’s usually the only one who has to get up and see what’s in the gift or what prize others have etc…all the other kids just sit there.
She’s very impatient and demanding at times, she often repeats the same thing and won’t let things go.
She often gets so excited in play that it’s like she can’t stop herself. We took her to the beach today and she was playing in the waves, she was really excited, which is lovely, but it becomes too much and she can’t stop, doesn’t listen, throws things around and becomes impulsive, it’s almost as if she’s not there any longer. Later she calms down. She’s not always like this and can sit and watch tv/listen to stories etc. It’s as though she has episodes of this. She’s going through some troubles with tummy aches-constipated and gas, we’re treating her for this and are under a specialist. When she has tummy aches, she acts hyper, running around, being disobedient, throwing herself around etc, but during the wave episode, I don’t think that was the case.
Does this sound *Normal-hate that word
Does anyone have a similar experience? Feel like it’s really putting a strain on the relationship between Dh and I, we’re permanently exhausted

YANBU I'm going through similar but with my 2 yo. On Thursday our childminder said he's being difficult with her. Throwing tantrums and hurting others. He only ever does it if he's attention seeking, tired or hungry usually. Sometimes he gets overexcited and pinches, but it's starting to have an impact on the other kids attending, to the point where she isolates him away from other children. I spent the whole of Thursday crying and worrying my boy will have no friends. I even looked into the cost of a private paediatrcian in case I could get an early diagnosis.

No advice, I just wanted you to know you're not alone xx

Doesn't particularly scream ADHD to me...just sounds like a 4 year old with lots of energy.
Maybe if she's still like this in a few years it could be something to be concerned about

I can't say for certain but I'd say you have a normal, yet highly energetic, 4 year old. Very similar to my daughter and I have written pretty much your message on here in the past, almost to the same words.

We also have constipation issues which haven't helped.

My daughter is nearly 6 and has calmed down quite a bit recently. She still spins and hops and jumps when walking anywhere. She's really got into gymnastics and has been seen to have a natural ability. I think she's just highly active.

So I'd say don't worry just yet. As exhausting as it is, it will hopefully get easier with age.

Found my old post if of use

AIBU to think this isn't normal behaviour for a 5 year old http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/4353487-aibu-to-think-this-isn-t-normal-behaviour-for-a-5-year-old

It’s really difficult to say. It could be normal 4 year old behaviour but I used to describe my 4 year old son to people and it used to annoy the hell out of me when they said that because my other child has ‘normal’ 4yo behaviour and I could recognise the difference, but couldn’t articulate what it was that was different, I just knew it wasn’t right. He’s just been diagnosed with ADHD aged 6. That’s not to say your DD has it though, just that you should trust your instincts and if you think something isn’t right, it probably isn’t. But it COULD just be that she’s on the more active side of neurotypical, which is fine (although exhausting, I’m sure!)

My ds is autistic if he is enjoying something he will want to do it over and over and will meltdown if asked to stop so an example he splashes a stranger at swimming pool, they laugh. He will then want to keep doing it. He will get more silly with it too. I try to nip things in the bud as soon as possible.

@Supergirl1958 nothing to offer to help, but be cautious with a private diagnosis as most trusts and schools won't accept them and you will have to wait for CAMHS (which is a horrifically long wait). It is disgusting that parents and children are held prisoner to a system that is not fit for purpose. Save your money for therapies (play therapy/Lego therapy) they will be of much more use to you than a diagnosis.

Sorry pressed too early. So I look for signs he's getting over excited/overwhelmed. And try and distract him. Does anyone else think adhd. It's not normally diagnosed this young. You may need to see how she is over next few years.

@notgreatthanks She does this too, if sometimes in the moment, it’s like she can’t stop or listen to what we’re saying? Later she calms down and we can talk about it and she’s fine and understands

Yes like they are caught in a pattern and can't get out of it. Unfortunately my ds doesn't see the issue later either but think that's the asd.

My daughter was very similar at that age and she has recently been diagnosed with adhd and autism at 14.

@Swimminginmud What other patterns of behaviour did she have at the same age?

I just feel she’s a very intense child, I find myself saying in my head all day ‘Just calm down!’

My DS is almost 3 and doesn't stop all day long. Even his nursery comment that he's 100 miles an hour. He's been referred for an ASD assessment as he's got a speech delay but the SALT said she's seen lots of children at 2 like my son who weren't ASD and later diagnosed ADHD. The issue is with neuro diversity is its so different from child to child and no 2 are the same or have the same 'symptoms'. Does she go to a nursery? Can you have a chat with them about your concerns?

The best way to manage it is to manage her environment. Lots of routine consistency, regular meals and plenty of sleep. Opportunity to burn energy off, plenty of stimulation and time to chill. Look at what sets her off and try to preempt it. Don't ask more of her than she's capable of. Keep discipline same and be consistent . If your asking something of her that's a challenge make sure you are supporting her and give her a distraction if needed. Pick your battles and lower your expectations so your not constantly on at her. Have a couple of things your working on and let the rest go. Find things that soothe her- fiddle toys, chewelry etc. Don't discipline for behaviour in meltdown she can't control what's happening when she's overwhelmed just focus on calming her. See what school think , you will hopefully find school wil help as it will tire and stimulate her and give you a break.

This absolutely is not true.

I have ADHD and what really stood out from your post is how you're letting your exhaustion get to you and your daughter's differences are being framed as an issue.

As a child, my natural behaviour and reactions were framed as impairments which led me to being an anxious child with the same physical symptoms as your daughter, e.g tummy ache. As my emotional needs weren't met I also had outbursts. It's clear my 3yo is also an ADHDer. As she's embraced for who she and doesn't constantly hear that her natural behaviour is isn't ok she isn't a nervous wreck and is a happy and confident child.

If she's determined to do something we just go with and have a conversation later if needed so it can sink in when she has the emotional capacity.

Sometimes I'm knacked and need 30 minutes to myself to prevent me from being snappy when my daughter's high energy and wants me to be too. Although she doesn't like being left on her own for this time she now understands that if I don't have the break I'll be grumpy and won't be able to give her what she wants so she accepts this.

@Wheresyourheadatthen my son was quite similar at the same age and has an ADHD & sensory processing disorder diagnosis.

He was also under the doctors for bowel issues (still under the bowel nurse) and they have never truly got to a cause for his issues, but I believe he wasn’t getting the poo signals though strongly enough so was inadvertently withholding.

He’s on 5mg of sodium pico sulfate (which increases the strength of the feeling of needing to go) with Movicol as a maintenance and things are nearly normal on that regime.

I have had a different experience to the PP saying that many trusts don’t accept a private diagnosis - our CAMHS is so over loaded that they practically begged us to go private if we could (we did but it was not easy).

My son would still be waiting for diagnosis had we not gone private, as our area’s wait for assessment is more than 3 years.

If you’re in the Midlands I can pass the details of our paediatrician.

At that age it was just excitability and impulsiveness but as she got older her emotions seemed to get her in more trouble and affected her friendships.

I think the main thing that made us realise that it was not just a character trait was that she was often so disappointed in herself and never seemed to learn from her mistakes. They just got bigger as she got older and as her peers matured she seemed to be so far behind socially which made her very isolated and lonely. she would forget to follow through on plans, never check her phone for messages, late everywhere and lost everything. None of this was intentional and it always upset her.

it wasn’t until she was medicated that I realised that we had very rarely had proper conversations as she would always be looking over my shoulder at something more interesting or just lose interest and walk away.
She also has hyperfocus so can easily spend hours and hours on a sport or activity if it’s something she’s enjoying and forget to eat so we can rule out laziness or lacking in motivation.
I feel we left getting her diagnosed a bit late as she has really suffered with her self esteem. We tried getting her assessed through school, Cahms and the GP for 8 years and finally went private as she got closer to GCSEs and I’m glad we made that decision. Also, Schools are legally obligated to accept a private diagnosis.

Do go private if you can. My DS was v similar and was diagnosed privately with ASC and SPD. I also suspect ADHD. We don’t have a private pediatric service in our area. The NHS approach here seems to be to piss around until (hopefully) they grow out of it. We’re on our second pediatric consultant after a formal complaint against the first. I’m desperate for a diagnosis so I can start DS on Ritalin but nobody in the NHS wants to know. He’s been kicked out of his lovely school because of his awful behaviour, I am on AD’s and have moved out of the family home because I can’t stand the violence, backchat, sleep refusal and deliberate disobedience. Beg, steal or borrow for help before it gets worse. There is a reason that early intervention is recommended for ADHD etc but you won’t get anything timely on the NHS.

Do you all think it sounds like Adhd though it a possible reaction to her constipation/being impacted and the meds she takes for that?

@127LMS Her stomach aches are a genuine cause by being impacted, I think this may be causing the issue. Yes we are exhausted but please don’t try to shift the blame onto me, we’re already dealing with a hard situation and doing the best we can.
I’m sorry for your situation as a child but this isn’t the same

Yes @Wheresyourheadatthen I did think that was a little harsh on you from @127LMS .

Parenting a child with ADHD is hard, especially when you know nothing about it! I used to be up the wall with my boy who is an absolute delight (and was then too), but really struggling with overload at times - as someone mentioned he was so impulsive and did not seem to learn. He would promise and try so hard to behave then do daft things and be distraught afterwards.

He also injured himself a lot as a small child, much as it’s good to celebrate neurodiverse traits, it can be exhausting trying to keep your child safe (alive), when you know that if excited, all their safety knowledge goes out of the window.

How is your little one’s sleep?

@Wheresyourheadatthen which meds is she on? Constipation can cause mood changes - don’t know of any bowel meds causing behaviour or mood change, however bowel problems are more prevalent in the neurodiverse population, I think.

@Hawkmother Shes on an equivalent of Movicol, all the behaviour changes started when she became impacted, as I say, she was always full of energy, but not this behaviour