To ask can you tell someone they smell?

[BiFoldChampion]

I know today is a particularly hot day but there is a school mum who always smells really really bad of body odour. She dresses relatively well, has immaculate hair and makeup. But omg she smells so so bad today I wasn’t even walking next to her (picking up kids from a party) but it makes me want to heave. She generally keeps herself to herself.

I’ve met her mum (she works in our local Sainsburys) and her mum smells the same and it’s really bad.

nothing I can say or so I don’t think without making her feel terrible.

I think I'd want to know if I had a BO problem. You have to smell pretty bad for acquaintances to notice. I've told a colleague before that they had a problem and should wash themselves and their clothes more often but they clearly weren't washing, I told them when they came into work smelling worse every day for over a week. They came in on the Monday smelling worse than they had on the Friday, everyone was bitching about them and I'd asked my boss to do something about it and he was scared to. They had that slightly sweet rotten smell. I was kind but it did need to be said.

I wouldn't say anything to someone if they had that hot day, fresh BO type of smell that a lot of men get that you know won't be there the next day because they clearly wash every day. That's unnecessary. Except my kids, I still have to tell them 'you need to wash today' but that's different.

You assume she doesn't know. You might be wrong. She may have no control over it, may be embarrassed by it. A stranger talking about it with her wouldn't be helpful.

My SIL had a friend at work who was on reception in a small office. She had a condition where she smelled like fish, even though she showered twice a day, wore deodorant and perfume.

But she was wearing a black cardigan on a day like this!!! That would not have helped her condition.

anyway I won’t say anything and maybe it is genetic because her mum does smell too.

i wasn’t sure how to say it anyway. But today honestly it was bad.

Actually I remember my old boss had to tell someone in my office once. She wasn’t discreet. I felt sad for the guy. My bad!

I have a friend who has a medical condition that means they sometimes smell. It's a skin condition they prefer to hide so they often wear long sleeves. They've been extremely embarrassed by people commenting in the past. They do everything they can to manage it but it's a chronic condition and basically they have to live with it.

If it's a very different scenario and the woman just doesn't wash frequently/ doesn't wear deodorant, do you really think she will appreciate a stranger telling her she smells?

Either way it just does not seem like it's appropriate for you to do anything.

But she was wearing a black cardigan on a day like this!!! That would not have helped her condition

But this will be WHY - to cover the sweat patches! Don't judge!

There are conditions that make people smell that aren’t anything to do with excess sweating.

You don’t really know this woman. It’s none of your business. I guarantee you that she knows she smells and is probably mortified because there’s nothing she can do about it.

It might be the case she does know as she tends to stand back from others. Also her DDs never come to parties (always invited though). Also has never socialised/coffees/drinks out - everyone is asked as whole class whatsapp.

Doesn’t all this tell you something?

Poor lady, I really hope she does have some supportive friends/people to rely on. Other than to make her feel (even) worse than she probably does, what do you think you could achieve from “telling her”?