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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To call police about crying child next door?

48 replies

PinkStarAtNight · 10/07/2022 00:43

We can hear next doors toddler crying and screaming, its been going on for at least half an hour now. Its pretty much constant. She sounds very distressed, almost like she's being tortured. She seems to be saying something between cries but we can't work out what it is. It's part crying part screaming/wailing.

I know kids cry, but she genuinely sounds really distressed and its been going on so long. Also, I've been wondering for a while whether we should report the mother to social services. We can smell her and her boyfriend smoking weed a lot when the children are there, the mother constantly shouts aggressively at the kids when they are crying or asking for something, they have a dog which they routinely leave outside crying for hours on end and which the children hit without being told off, there is an older child of about 12 who seems to take on adult responsibilities and look after the younger children when the mother is drinking - there was one night we saw/heard the mother outside in her pool drinking and smoking weed, clearly drunk, at gone midnight and the 12 year old begging her to come inside and look after the smaller children.

I have been told not to call police/report as its none of our business and we should keep our noses out. Its quite a rough area so if they found out it was us who reported they might be angry and that wouldn't be good for us. But its really upsetting me to listen to the child crying so hysterically and for so long, and to listen to them get shouted at daily. Also hearing the poor dog whining outside for hours is awful - really cold days and really hot days - so I've also thought of reporting to RSPCA.

Thoughts?

OP posts:

EmeraldShamrock1 · 10/07/2022 00:46

I wouldn't call the police for a child though with all the other evidence of abuse I'd definitely call.

I'd also report to SS and the school.

EntertainingandFactual · 10/07/2022 00:47

If you have genuine concerns, based on tonight and previous occasions, call the police.

It may well be that the child is having an epic tantrum and the mum is letting them get it over with… who knows.
Better safe than sorry though.

HoldingTheDoor · 10/07/2022 00:47

Seriously? Of course you report. You know that those children and a poor dog are being abused. You are listening to their distress and their suffering as we speak. What are you waiting for? A musical accompaniment?

EmeraldShamrock1 · 10/07/2022 00:47

*for a child crying.

Yes call OP.
I hope you're safe.

toomuchlaundry · 10/07/2022 00:50

I would have reported when she was drunk in the pool smoking weed. Report now and give history of prior behaviour

TeapotTitties · 10/07/2022 00:50

This is ridiculous. What on earth did people do before the internet?

In the time it took you to type that, you could've been halfway through the 101 telephone queue.

If your concerns are real then phoning the police is a no brainer.

ilovetomatoes · 10/07/2022 00:51

Definitely call. Sounds like valid cause for concern.

zeddybrek · 10/07/2022 00:52

Please call the Police. Years ago I was in a similar situation and I regret not calling the police to this day. I was young, stupid and scared of my horrible neighbours and now I have children of my own I am even more guilty of not doing anything about it especially one particular night. Like previous posters, better safe than sorry. Do it OP, call the Police and know you did the right thing.

GoodJanetBadJanet · 10/07/2022 01:00

See, a child crying I've been that mum and you can't stop them from screaming, they just don't want to go to fucking sleep 😭 and sometimes you shout and it carries.
So if that was it, just no, I say leave it then.
You're conflating several issues together though.
Smoking weed, being drunk, 12 year old left alone after midnight with younger children on top of screaming?
Yeah not the same, definitely bigger picture building up there if so.

Truestar8 · 10/07/2022 01:02

Are you in the UK op?

HundredAcreW00d · 10/07/2022 01:07

Please do call the police.

Original poster

PinkStarAtNight · 10/07/2022 01:21

@Truestar8 yes in UK

The crying has stopped now so I suppose by the time the police got here they wouldn't have heard anything. I am thinking I should report the general situation to SS though, and the dog to RSPCA

I'm actually not sure whether SS are already involved. The other day I heard the mum on the phone to someone saying 'I took her round to the neighbour (who is a nurse) and she said the marks are definitely from a skin disorder not anything anyone has done to her, so we can tell them that'. Not sure if this means SS already on the scene but I suppose another referral can't hurt.

We're just worried what the repercussions will be for us if they find out/assume it was us. The kids don't look particularly abused. We hear them playing in the garden daily and sound happy enough, its just that we do hear a lot of crying when they're inside which is answered with aggressive shouting, telling them to shut up and things like that. And then of course the drinking and smoking weed.

OP posts:

expat101 · 10/07/2022 01:24

How would you feel if you don’t make the call and something happens to the child?

Beseen22 · 10/07/2022 01:25

I lived in a very rough area and called about the most horrible fight between my neighbour and her partner. He was throwing her up against the wall and she was screaming help me and sounded so distressed. When the police arrived (within minutes) he left. They called me back to say it was just an argument that had gotten out of hand but thanked me very much for calling.

I fully believe he was being violent to her but she was too scared to say but he left that night and the situation was diffused by the police. Would never be able to live with myself if I had listened to that then found out that she had been killed.

Sunshineandrainbow · 10/07/2022 01:31

Is ss are involved you adding your concerns will be a good thing and less likely for any backlash as ss contacting them won't be out the blue.

nocoolnamesleft · 10/07/2022 01:44

The other day I heard the mum on the phone to someone saying 'I took her round to the neighbour (who is a nurse) and she said the marks are definitely from a skin disorder not anything anyone has done to her, so we can tell them that'.

If social services were concerned about skin marks, they would arrange to take the child to a paediatrician for a formal child protection medical. So that conversation does not, to me, imply that they are already involved. Better to make the call.

fUNNYfACE36 · 10/07/2022 02:20

I don't think a child crying for half an hour justifies a police call I, no.

Autienotnaughtie · 10/07/2022 02:27

I would have rang the police. But definitely ring ss and rspca. Ring as every tine your concerned so they get a picture of what's happening and definitely ring police if you are concerned again.

DailyDuckie · 10/07/2022 02:32

If you feel genuinely concerned and with all the other evidence you could make someone aware, SS will likely be informed and they will check whether they are already involved or not. If there are no worries and they have assessed the situation then you know that you have done what you can so far.

Having a child is hard though and sometimes one of the only ways they do get over issues are screaming it out. It’s not nice for anyone. I have a strong willed 2 year old that screams for a good 30 mins nothing will please her she just gets herself into a state, eventually she will accept a cuddle and she calms down. It’s horrible but sometimes there is no other way that she copes.

Voidif · 10/07/2022 02:48

Please call the police and report to social service. Although it'll go through to safeguarding anyway I think. Write a chronology, if you can, or a list of bullet points of all the things (the weed, the aggressive shouting, etc.). It seems like every other week there is another child murdered child in the news. We need to realise that collectively, safeguarding is everybody's responsibility.

TwentyOneTwentyTwo · 10/07/2022 03:10

This would lead me to make a report:

there was one night we saw/heard the mother outside in her pool drinking and smoking weed, clearly drunk, at gone midnight and the 12 year old begging her to come inside and look after the smaller children.

This on its own, wouldn't: 🙄

We can hear next doors toddler crying and screaming, its been going on for at least half an hour now.

If they're as bad as you make out, surely you've heard them cry loads? Like when: the mother constantly shouts aggressively at the kids when they are crying or asking for something

How many of these threads does there need to be?

LaBoda · 10/07/2022 03:22

Definitely call, if the mother has form, she needs to be monitored. Abusers are very good at covering their tracks, but if there is something to be investigated, it needs to be when there are children involved. SS are pretty crap in the UK, but we need to do our bit and report something we know is wrong.
I know you are concerned for yourselves, and you have the right to be. I would be too.

DiscoBadgers · 10/07/2022 03:26

At that age it’s probably a night terror and there’s absolutely nothing you can do to stop them crying like that, but it’s better to report and be wrong than not report.

Micemice · 10/07/2022 03:37

Report report report to the police!
you mention feeling worried about what may happen you if you called an they found out? Please consider first what could happy the children if you don’t call? Stick to your gut and call, you could be saving these children’s lives frankly. Also you can call anonymously, you don’t have to say your a neighbour. also report it to the school via a letter or note marked for the Designated officer for safeguarding?
please report!

Micemice · 10/07/2022 03:41

Also just to add, yes the crying at night is something but nothing maybe untoward there as my toddler cries at times but the difference is I don’t let it go on for ages. However you have concerns about other things, mother drinking/ weeds, children unsupervised etc. So start your call with those concerns overall rather that just the baby crying at night, you are seeing lots of small things and overall they can help tell a bigger picture of how things are for the family- you never know if SS are involved then there could be other things they are aware of and you adding to this will absolutely help them see a better picture of the reality for the kids!

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