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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sad he's growing up

35 replies

Ticktockbigclock · 09/07/2022 23:07

Ds starts school in a matter of weeks and I've realised he's nearly 5! I've decided to have no more kids due to age and mental health so he's an only. I feel like he's growing up too fast!

OP posts:
Mysteryuser · 09/07/2022 23:10

My only DS is now 21! It passes so quickly. Nearly 5 is still really young, so enjoy him now. ( Btw, they get really expensive as they get older. Quite glad he is an only one!)

SomePosters · 09/07/2022 23:11

Gently… yabu

Parents whose kids don’t grow up usually see this as a great tragedy.

I try to appreciate each new achievement and step toward independence instead of mourning for a baby that’s now becoming a child.
Its a privilege not to be taken for granted to see them grow.

Onlyforcake · 09/07/2022 23:11

YABU. That sounds harsh, but that's what happens. Also he is growing, live in the moment and all that, don't look back with regret on how sweet x/y/z was ..... you can save the reminiscing for the teen years ;-)
My sympathies. But theres loads to look forward to, honest.

Fairislefandango · 09/07/2022 23:12

YABU. I think it's really important to enjoy seeing them develop, grow and move on to new things. I have never understood why people have this desire to hold their children back.

SherbertLemonDrop · 09/07/2022 23:13

I had the exact same realisation about my son who is a teen. I prayed (not literaly but hoped) for more time with him. More mother son quality bonding time. Time to watch movies and laugh and eat together and walk together. It hurt my heart that he had grown so fast. Then we had the pandemic and lockdown and god did we do it all and actually enjoyed each others company. Forever thankful for the extra time. I know that sounds awful 😖

justasking111 · 09/07/2022 23:13

Each stage holds its own delights

Whoisfailingtoseereality · 09/07/2022 23:13

I understand the sentiment but our children are meant to grow up. What about the alternative? Having lost a child who will never grow up I can't be sad about my living children growing and thriving.

Mummyof287 · 09/07/2022 23:14

Aww its hard isn't it- this was me last year as my little one is now finishing her reception year (although I was pregnant at the time so probably easier as she wasn't my 'last one') but i had experienced alot of anxiety over leaving her places and trusting others so was a big deal, and it does feel so scary them going out into the big wide world of school...you will probably have lots of questions and worries going around your head, but hopefully you will build a good relationship with the teaching staff and other school parents as I did, to make you feel more at ease :)

GroggyLegs · 09/07/2022 23:16

I'm in a funny place with this at the moment. My boy is 8 and noticeably seeking his Dad's company more than mine.

I'm grateful everyday that he's growing & developing as he should. My job is to keep him safe & healthy & give him options & guidance, not make him my shadow.

But oh my goodness do I miss the cuddles & being his favourite. It all happened so suddenly.

I hear you ticktock

Original poster
Ticktockbigclock · 09/07/2022 23:18

His dad suddenly wants more to do with him which I don't want to stop of course buts it's been mainly us for 3 years.

OP posts:
almondflake · 09/07/2022 23:27

I get exactly where you're coming from , my children are 34,32 and 19 and I feel time has fast forwarded massively while they've grown up . I also started to look after my granddaughter 2 days a week 5 minutes ago at 9months old and she's starting school in a few weeks .
I guess we see or own mortality swiftly slipping away and can't do anything about it We can either mourn it or make the best of it .

Original poster
Ticktockbigclock · 10/07/2022 10:17

I worry about him being lonely but I had a sibling and was lonely! So it doesn't always follow only child equals lonely

OP posts:
Original poster
Ticktockbigclock · 10/07/2022 17:10

I just feel like I should have made different choices

OP posts:
Original poster
Ticktockbigclock · 11/07/2022 21:14

I think I have ptsd from fertility treatment and birth.

OP posts:
springhassprung22 · 11/07/2022 21:35

I’m with you OP. Mine are 6 and 3 and by god do I wish time would stand still, or at least slow the heck down. I try and remind myself when I feel weepy that it’s a privilege, what is the alternative etc etc. But it hurts my heart how fast time goes.

Simonjt · 11/07/2022 21:50

I know how you feel, I was walking home from the park tonight and my son was holding my hand (hes 7) and it felt so big in mine. It would sometimes be nice if I could slow time down a bit.

Ginandcrispsarebliss · 11/07/2022 22:08

I was thinking the same today when queuing up at the school gate. My youngest DC leaves primary school next Friday. Just want to pause time for a little while.

SpeckofDustUponMySoul · 11/07/2022 22:10

My 4.5 year olds start Reception in September and I am sad about this, as it's the end of an era, whilst also excited for them (and for me) for a different stage.
Being sad doesn't mean that we want to hold out children back.
💚

Rainallnight · 11/07/2022 22:22

Aw, OP, I think it’s totally normal to feel that way. Every time they move ‘up’ a stage, in whatever way, it’s always at least a little bit of a loss for the previous one.

My DS, who is my youngest, is starting Reception in September and I found myself thinking ‘this is our last year in Early Years Foundation Stage 😢😢😢😢’ like an absolute madwoman! God knows what I’ll be like when they go to secondary school.

Original poster
Ticktockbigclock · 11/07/2022 22:47

I think because he's going to be my only it hits me hard

OP posts:
Howhotisitjeeez · 11/07/2022 23:03

@Ticktockbigclock I feel exactly the same, op 😩can only have one child and we waited so long and tried so hard for her. Where I am, they don’t start school officially until 6, she’s almost 4 and I’m tempted to maybe leave it another year instead of pre school, I know it will be good for her so I won’t though, it’s so hard.
Did your Ds go to pre school/nursery?

Ricepops · 11/07/2022 23:16

I'm exactly the same OP. Mine are 4 and 7 and while my 4 year old is still cuddly, my heart aches when I think of my 7 year old as a toddler/younger child. I find it difficult to look at photos of them when younger. I do appreciate their age right now, and love seeing them grow up as well. It's not an either or thing.

Quincythequince · 12/07/2022 07:42

I know someone who always posts things like this

’aahhh 🥺🥺 Sarah is now 3 months old. Growing up too fast, where does the time go. Miss my baby 😭😭’

All the time. Constantly. The kid turns 1, it’s a post full of crying emojis and lamenting her growing up

Irritates the hell out of me. I mean. What did you think was going happen? She’s breathing, growing, living each day - really, what are you 😭😭😭😭 about all the time.

It’s a privilege denied to many parents but yes, it’s a big milestone. Reflect quietly and just enjoy watching him grow.

Original poster
Ticktockbigclock · 12/07/2022 16:06

Quincythequince · 12/07/2022 07:42

I know someone who always posts things like this

’aahhh 🥺🥺 Sarah is now 3 months old. Growing up too fast, where does the time go. Miss my baby 😭😭’

All the time. Constantly. The kid turns 1, it’s a post full of crying emojis and lamenting her growing up

Irritates the hell out of me. I mean. What did you think was going happen? She’s breathing, growing, living each day - really, what are you 😭😭😭😭 about all the time.

It’s a privilege denied to many parents but yes, it’s a big milestone. Reflect quietly and just enjoy watching him grow.

Yeah I don't post stuff like that.

OP posts:
PaperTyger · 12/07/2022 16:15

Some rather harsh replies op!

Yes it's a huge transition and a massive leap!
You will find what you say becomes last in the line to what "teacher says ". 😂

What teacher says will start to have an influence in your life.

As pp said of course each stage is so beautiful and a joy, each bringing its own issue's and wonderment.

I have two but with a 6 year gap.
I had fertility issues and wasn't sure I could have another.
When first dd went to nursery it was so emotional as it had been her and I for three year's solid!

Then school was a massive leap as well.

Go with the emotions, it's perfectly natural!
Especially if you have been spending lots of time with him.

But try not to dwell too much... and look forward as well to what will come.

Bjg hugs.( Un mumsnetty) and hope he has a good and reasonable teacher!

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