Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Need to lose 5 stone but not remotely in the headspace to do it

67 replies

LongTermIssues · 09/07/2022 22:09

I tried going back to slimming world a few weeks ago (I first joined back in 2020 but then stopped when I got pregnant mid-2021). I’m 5 and a half stone away from the top end of a healthy BMI (am classed as obese) and I know I desperately need to lose that weight but I just have not got the headspace at all to deal with it.

im 5 months post-partum with my second child and it doesn’t help that I see fellow mums with same age babies and they look incredible already.

also, I’m under the perinatal team as have suspected BPD/EUPD so my mind is obv all over the place.

do I just forget about trying to lose weight at the mo until mentally I’m more stable or should I try find some motivation somewhere?!

OP posts:
Ansjovis · 10/07/2022 08:28

I think you have a lot going on at the moment and I do think that you're right to be wary of adding in weight loss to an already high mental load. If you do want to do something I would start really small - could you take your baby out for a 10 minute walk today? If you already walk with baby, could you make it 10 minutes longer?

When you are ready to look at your diet, please don't ban entire foods. That will just leave you miserable and make it so much harder to stick to being healthier. Instead you can look at portion sizes and swaps, for example a single twix over a double twix.

The most important thing here though is your mental health because without that, physical health is not going to do much for you. It is absolutely right that your mental health should be your focus at this time.

jonesdarcy · 10/07/2022 08:42

I wasn't able to look at doing this at 5months pp. i think that's extra tough. Being sleep deprived and breastfeeding meant I snacked all the time- I probably gained weight. If you aren't in the right headspace that's understandable so maybe set yourself a date in the future to start 'properly'. Maybe just be more mindful of what you are eating for now?
To loose weight I have to go all in. I log everything on my fitness pal app. I also buy meal replacement shakes, weigh food and sometimes have ready meals where the calories are clear so no chance of accidentally going over. I give myself 2 evenings a week off the diet. I know I lose weight this way and have managed to lose the baby weight this way each time (but never at 5 months Pp!). I find starting to diet so hard. It is about mentally being in the right place. If you aren't yet don't beat yourself up.

LadyRoughDiamond · 10/07/2022 08:44

Saxenda injections? Look into it - helps to regulate your appetite and establish healthier habits.

Candleabra · 10/07/2022 08:49

It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. The thinking you’re on a diet (or off) isn’t healthy and will feel overwhelming.
can you start with a few little changes.
like: reduce white bread, reduce processed food, extra fruit, a portion of veg with every meal, a 10 minute walk every day. Just keep adjusting the small changes until you’ve got a healthy diet.

Heroicallyl0st · 10/07/2022 08:49

Trauma/mental health problems can lead to your body holding onto weight as a way of keeping yourself safe. Maybe you’re just not in the mindset to lose it and that’s okay. Sometimes it takes total acceptance of the feelings and reasons behind not wanting to lose weight before you can reassure yourself that it’s psychologically safe to lose it.

Mummyoflittledragon · 10/07/2022 08:50

If you cannot face doing anything much, I’d say increase your water intake. It helps massively with cravings and allows you to eat less. If you eat the same you won’t lose weight though. However as an obese person myself, l find it is impossible to eat and drink that much. www.slenderkitchen.com/article/how-to-calculate-how-much-water-you-should-drink-a-day

Please don’t drink more than a litre in an hour as you can make yourself ill - Hyopnatremia ie water drunk can be a medical emergency. Try to space the water throughout the day.

I am also 5 stone overweight from the top of my BMI. I’m not a well person so can only drink this much when I am feeling okish. But it really helps. I’ve started again this week along with eating healthier. I’m drinking 5 litres a day plus the water in food. The warm weather really helps with this. I am drinking a litre of water first thing then eating a little later.

Increasing your water intake may also help your mental health. Congratulations on your baby. I hope you’re feeling more settled soon.

Sunnysidegold · 10/07/2022 09:09

Hi op, congratulations on your baby!

I think your mental health is so important but I find that mine is linked to my physical well-being too.

So when I am overweight and feeling tired and unhealthy my mental health suffers.

Exercise would be really helpful I think. If you're able to get out and walk with baby in pram that'll get you some fresh air, out into nature, some exercise. And if you can listen to some uplifting music or a positive podcast even better.

As others have said, we can start small. I'm cutting out fizzy drinks and stuff like that. Ive developed a really bad habit of nibbling on the evening while I watch TV so am going to dry to switch to something healthier or knock it on the head.

Good luck.

RollOnWinter · 10/07/2022 09:13

chilledbubble What?? How many people have got £500 to just put aside?

NeverDropYourMooncup · 10/07/2022 09:25

Concentrate upon being kind to yourself, not focusing upon what you feel is bad or shouldn't be done.

The idea of taking the baby out for a ten minute walk every day is a really good one - if the weather is hot where you are, taking advantage of early wakenings means you can start the day with some fresh air and daylight before it gets too hot. Put on some comfortable clothes, wear supportive trainers/running shoes (foot care - making your feet aren't dropping in as you walk - is really important for making any physical activity more enjoyable). Then go home and have something to eat that makes you feel good - things like fruit, yoghurt, grains, fruit and cheese, maybe bacon on avocado toast, something that isn't just carbohydrate plus refined sugar, looks pretty, tastes good and adds some extra fluid and nutrition, compared to a standard British breakfast.

Have chilled water in the fridge and make a point of drinking, even if it's just a small glass, frequently - sometimes, dehydration can make people feel a bit disorientated or anxious and if you're feeling up and down, it's a way of retraining any instant reaction to emotions by eating. You could add slices of lemon and lime to the jug if you want a different flavour (or more strawberries, for example).

If cooking meals from scratch is too much for you at the moment, so you're going for takeaways, ready meals or snacks, are there any other things that you could have in the cupboard and fridge that are easier? If you like lots of vegetables, perhaps either jars or packs of things from supermarkets that can go on a plate/in a bowl with cherry tomatoes, prepacked mini cheese, cucumber, celery and carrot sticks, dips, etc, might work for you - because you're eating more vegetables that way. It's a lot easier to open a few jars and assemble stuff than it is to cook an entire meal.

If you're feeling anxious, rather than pace around feeling trapped, you can go out again for another ten minutes. Anxiety is the body's fight or flight response - ten minutes of activity, especially if it means taking yourself away from the place where you felt that feeling, tells your body that you've acted on the perceived threat, so it responds by relaxing.

There's nothing wrong with taking yourself off for a shower or bath with the baby either with their father/another relative, in with you (so it's a nice play activity for them) or safely beside you in the bathroom.

Just from doing things that make you feel better, you might find it easier without actually 'punishing' or restricting eating - you're reframing it into doing nice things for yourself. And then you might feel ready to make further changes/improvements in how you care for You.

LetHimHaveIt · 10/07/2022 09:30

Rowgtfc72 · 10/07/2022 07:40

I'm aiming to lose 2st. I could probably do with 4. You're seeing the 5st. That's a big number. Where would losing 4lb put you?
If I lost 4lb I would be very 14st 3. That's verrrry close to 14! Then if I lost another 4lb I would be finally under 14.

Break it into much smaller numbers. Good luck!

I agree with this. I'd like to lose four stone, but two will put me - just! - back into the 'healthy weight' range. So I'm going to aim to lose those two stone by the Autumn half term (about three months away, I think?) and if I can lose another one or two over the following year, then that's all to the good.

OutDamnedSpot · 10/07/2022 09:32

I think you need to switch your mindset slightly. Rather than ‘I need to lose 5 stone’, would ‘I want to be healthier’ feel more motivational?

If so, start small. Choose one exercise goal and one eating goal to stick to for a month. Like others have said, ‘I won’t eat after 6pm’ or ‘Ill avoid bread’ might be good places to start with eating. ‘I’ll do 10,000 steps every day’ or ‘I’ll get off the bus one stop early’ might be good exercise ones with a new baby.

good luck

Turquoisa80 · 10/07/2022 09:34

Don't have ice cream have fruit lollies instead, choose ketchup not mayo, choose low calorie snacks such as party rings. Have babybel cheeses at hand for a protein fix.. Keep salad in the fridge to eat, eat more veg with dinners such as broccoli sweetcorn etc

WITL · 10/07/2022 09:36

I’ve done a chart / I want to lose 5 stones. I am or was very fit but have been on steriods for 2 years and omg the hunger.

I started yesterday I have an Apple Watch and set a day goal of 1000 steps 6 weeks ago and then after a week 2000 so I’m now up to 6000 and I’m now on holiday for 2 months.
I recognise my hunger is my steriods asking for food and they are never ever satisfied. After dinner yesterday they wanted a box of chocolates and I was just like - err no.

me I’m cutting down on carbs and lots of outside walking and swimming.

m I am giving myself £200 for every stone I loose and I have put all my beautiful size 6-8 clothes in my wardrobe

EmeraldShamrock1 · 10/07/2022 09:39

You're putting a lot of pressure on yourself.

Forget about the weight loss and focus on improving your mood.

A good stand-up comedian always cheers me up, get your nails done, pick out a nice top.

PS. Lighter than light mayo is absolutely fine.

Adversity · 10/07/2022 09:40

Cut out alcohol especially where you are being investigated for a MH condition.
buy no or far less junk, if it’s not in the house you can’t grab some. I need to lose about a stone and have cut down on carbs.

I would give yourself a bit if a break even though its 16 years since I had my last baby I still remember the feeling of being absolutely knackered.

KarmaStar · 10/07/2022 09:42

💐don't look at other mum's op,they are on another life path to you.
Look at yourself and your body as having created two amazing babies.
Concentrate on living in the now,not worrying about what you should be doing ,if you reach for an unhealthy snack,ask yourself if you really are hungry and want it.then close the door,walk away and pick up something else to do.or keep chopped salad stuff in fridge next to sweet stuff so you have that option if you are hungry.
Don't put pressure on yourself,allow it to happen when you are mentally ready.🌈

GingersHaveSoulsToo · 10/07/2022 09:44

Congratulations on your baby! As others have said, very early so don't pressure yourself.

Lots of good advice here, particularly about drinking more.

I started Noom in March and it is a very different take on dieting. It has reset my relationship with and understanding of food. Not about a diet as such and no good or bad foods. Lots of psychology and biology to unlock what can happen and also very kind on mental health.

I am now half a stone away from normal bmi for the first time in over a decade and completely confident I can get to where ever I want to be weight wise. I have been donating all my bigger clothes as my size comes down! It just isn't fast for me for health reasons but looking over months the direction is brilliant.

You might need longer term thinking. I had 'lose 4 lbs' as a start. I am now focused on Christmas as a target as it is nice and relaxed but I can get there.

It took me years to gradually gain, I am taking my time getting back down. Noom has shown me not to measure success by the scales and it was the most important lesson I have learned.

Your worth as a person is NOT correlated to the size of your bum! I am sure you have lots of amazing traits that make you a brilliant person. You could start by thinking about and celebrating those. Even if you stay exactly the size you are, you are not 'worth less' than you stones lighter. The only difference to me is I feel better about myself and my old clothes fit me. I am a bit healthier but really not a different person.

Valeriekat · 10/07/2022 09:48

Cameronnorrieisabitofalright · 09/07/2022 22:17

Decent buggy for walking and some headphones....
Choose a different artist to listen to every day...
Small goals op.
Rooting for you ..

I am guessing that you have never been overweight because it really is not that simple. I walked everywhere for 2 years, miles a day and unless you eat less it won't make any difference.
It is difficult but doable. I found a low carb diet was what did the trick although it was SLOW. Start small and celebrate little losses.

Prettybubblesintheair · 10/07/2022 09:54

Aww op give yourself a break you have a LOT going on right now. You’ve just had a baby and you’re suspecting BPD which is really bloody hard to live with. I had 8 stone to lose, I started intermittent fasting and calorie counting in March and I’ve lost just over 3 stone so far. If your bfing intermittent fasting probably isn’t for you but you could start by not snacking after say 7pm and generally just making healthier choices like swapping toast for porridge etc. I think the poster above gave really good advice when they said don’t look at it as 5 stone break it down into smaller numbers. I wanted to get to under 15st this month and I’m now 14st 9lb, by this time next month I’d like to be 14st etc. Try not to look at it as a diet but as a healthier lifestyle because you deserve to be healthy and live a long healthy life with your dc! Also the biggest motivation for me is seeing my body change as I lose weight. When I started I was really unmotivated, i only started because I saw a photo of myself and was horrified so thought I better do something about it. As I started to do gentle exercises like walking and yoga and choosing healthier dinners and the weight started to go I saw my body changing and that really spurred me on.

All in all be kind to yourself, start a healthy journey gently and don’t do anything extreme that won’t be sustainable.

shrodingersvaccine · 10/07/2022 09:59

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ.

Windypants21 · 10/07/2022 10:05

You have a young baby and you have some mental health issues. Honestly I think you need to focus on your mental health and your baby only. You don't need any more pressure on yourself . Who says you need to be size x at any stage before or after pregnancy. As someone suggested, go walking, that's excellent for your mental health, all the better with some upbeat music which you enjoy and maybe lifts your mood, but focus on its mood lifting benefits, get outside in the sun, and factor it into your day. Focus on your health and strength nothing else. The weight thing will come eventually but give yourself a break. Comparing yourself to others never works.

Midlifemusings · 10/07/2022 10:05

Op, I have been there. What I do when I am in that headspace is just do one thing that is healthier than I usually do.

Drink more water
Park farther from the door of a store so I walk more
Don't buy the chocolate bar I normally would while getting groceries
Walk up the stairs 3 extra times during the day.
Make a veggie / protein based meal or snack instead of a carb heavy meal or snack
Stretch (toga style) for ten minutes while waiting for something or while watching TV
Etc.

I don't set any goals (because I know I won't reach them). I don't focus on weight or diet or exercise - I just do one thing each day that is a healthier choice. I find after a couple weeks of making healthier choices then it is easier to start to build up to two healthier choices, then 3 healthier choices etc.

Butterfly44 · 10/07/2022 10:08

The ONLY way to lose weight is to be calorie deficit/exercise more. Everyone has a set daily number of calories for their height/weight to just function. You need to eat under that or burn more. Then weight loss can happen. It takes 3500 calories to burn 1lb a week so essentially 500 less calories a day. Up exercise if you can, weights are good, less carbs, more protein. Download apps to help along the way and keep you motivated. There are lots of home workout videos on you tube.

LindaEllen · 10/07/2022 10:22

You say you've done Slimming World before, so why not give that a try again? I started 3 weeks ago and I've been amazed at the kinds of foods I can have, as much as I want, without feeling deprived. I've honestly never gone to bed hungry like I might with other diets, and I've lost half a stone already. I know that might not be the quickest in the world, but I've been super busy with work so haven't had much chance to exercise more than I normally would anyway - so I'm sure next week now this contract has been wrapped up I'll lose even more!

RhiRhi1996 · 10/07/2022 10:32

I agree with others about making a small step to start. This all or nothing attitude is toxic with weightloss/"diet" and I'm terrible for it, if I mess up and go over my calories I I all is doomed and so eat more to sabotage.

It doesn't have to be a strict diet infact it is better it's not. Since you've likely been eating more calories than you need for a long time to be 5st overweight, I would recommend using my fitness pal and tracking maintainance calories. This means you will maintain your weight & not put on any more. This will get you used to this level on calories too before you lower. Lower calories slowly so it isn't such a shock to your body.

I recommend calorie counting because then you CAN eat shit food if you want too, and still lose weight, as long as its in your calories. Of course eating healthy is recommended but I think understanding that you can eat treats and still lose or maintain your weight, makes it not feel so bad.

You could also try just trying to make healthier choices, stopping eating when full and being more active too if calorie counting feels to much work to you at the moment.

Whichever option works better with you & makes it not such a chore, is rhe better option.

Good luck

Swipe left for the next trending thread