TW: Was this sexual abuse?

[Fattus]

I’m finding this a bit tricky but I’m wondering if I am minimising things…

When I was younger I lived with extended family and when I was around 7-8 and uncle who was 18 used to masturbate in the bathroom and call me to watch him ejaculate.

i don’t know what to think about it. I kind of shrugged it off but I’m wondering if maybe I was more affected that I realise.

I’ve name changed but am very regular poster which MN can verify.

I don't think that is an odd reaction. When you realise something is/was abuse, it brings up lots of emotions, and in my experience, some that would have been felt at the time had you realised.

Lots of love to you. I'd find a therapist experienced in CSA.

You absolutely can. I’ve been exactly where you are and I am through it. It take time and a lot of compassion for that little girl you were.

IT IS NOT TRIVIAL.

You are not exaggerating
You are not attention seeking
You are not making a scene
You are not bringing up stuff that should stay in the past

You were sexually abused by a family member when you were a young child.

I'm so, so sorry you went through this. Be kind to yourself and don't minimise your feelings or berate yourself. Everything you feel is valid. It is serious and abusive and illegal. He has gone on to be abusive to partners. I'm not surprised you are in such turmoil.

Thank you everyone. I’m completely overwhelmed.

I will think about how to seek help as I don’t think i can keep pushing it down.

I’m a bit of a mess now. I may talk to an aunt as a first step.

Is your aunt his Mum? Speaking from my own experience I found that my family we not able to react to the abuse at all.

Someone upthread mentioned a therapist and personally I would definitely go with speaking to a therapist first. They are trained and skilled with these issues. You need to get to a good place yourself because you are very vulnerable with this stuff and 99% of people just can’t deal with it in their own family. Look after yourself,

Yes of course that's sexual abuse. No doubt about it.

I'm sorry you had to experience that.

My brother done this and more to me when was 8-10and he was 15 - 17. He was the golden boy in the family and I never confronted him/ confided in anyone until my thirties after my mum died. It has had a devastating effect on my life, confidence and relationships.

@Eatingchips

No, my aunt is my mum’s sister and he was my mum’s brother. My mum is dead.

My aunt would definitely believe me but she would be shocked.

I‘m so sorry :(

How are you doing @Fattus? I know you were feeling quite shocked and a bit panicked at the responses. Have you managed to get your head a bit straighter and find some support?

@Outlyingtrout

Thank you so much for checking in on me.

I’m ok but still trying to process it.

My eating and shopping has been out of control this last week which I think is related but I’ve decided I need to see someone to try to unpick it.

Everyone here who validated how I feel really helped but I feel like there are floodgates I’ve clamped shut about to burst open and it’s making panicked.

I'm so sorry op. It definitely was abuse.

@Fattus that is very normal. It is like a dam you build up and suddenly 1small extra drop of water breaks the whole dam down. That is normal. It is really normal to feel as you do but you will be fine, you will get through this. Be gentle and patient with yourself. If you have a child parent yourself as you would if you were your child. Speak kindly and gently to yourself.

@Fattus Your reaction is totally understandable. It must be a lot for you to process - especially as (again, understandably) you’ve been telling yourself for years that it wasn’t a big deal. Be kind to yourself - you’re being really strong in facing up to this, so take care.

Jesus, of course it’s abuse. I am so sorry you were subjected to this.

Please seek help, counselling etc whatever you need to get through what he did to you.

You were an innocent child and he was a paedophile.