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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how to deal with awful colleague?

30 replies

JunieBabes · 09/07/2022 16:59

I have to work closely with a colleague who is, quite frankly, a nasty, spiteful person. She thinks she owns the office and always tries to tell us all what to do, whilst saying stuff about us all behind our backs. I've just been told today about some really horrible stuff she's said about me.

Management know what she's like but dismiss it as 'she's just like that' and because she's been there for a long time they won't do a thing about it. She's totally shit at the job, too, but picks fault in the rest of us and how we do things.

I was thinking of just not speaking to her the next time I have to work with her and just answering her in a cold, politeish way but not engaging with her in any other capacity. She's all nice to our faces.

I need to do something as my mental health will suffer otherwise

OP posts:
FionnulaTheCooler · 09/07/2022 17:01

Your plan sounds fine to me, keep it civil and professional but don't engage with her any more than you need to. Grey rock technique.

HollowTalk · 09/07/2022 17:03

Is it bad enough that you could put a formal complaint? What does she say about you?

Luredbyapomegranate · 09/07/2022 17:05

Grey rock it

‘Cold’ sounds a bit theatrical, which she’ll take as a challenge, just look up grey rock.

Ilikewinter · 09/07/2022 17:05

Well personally Id be asking her about it, especially given that management know and are allowing her to get away with it, therefore they have to accept that not all staff are going to just put up with being talked about!.

However...... your solution sounds perfectly acceptable to me 😁

Original poster
JunieBabes · 09/07/2022 17:08

A formal complaint isn't an option. My manager has made that clear.

She bitches about how we're all bad at the job when none of us are. She is shit at it and makes so many mistakes that we all have to correct. Also picks on individual things about us all and slags us off

OP posts:
FionnulaTheCooler · 09/07/2022 17:10

What would happen if you all stopped correcting her mistakes and let the shit hit the fan when management find out just how crap she is?

Original poster
JunieBabes · 09/07/2022 17:11

Management wouldn't care. They know she's shit but don't seem bothered

OP posts:
PonyPatter44 · 09/07/2022 17:12

Your manager doesn't have the right to tell you that you can't put in a formal complaint!

Do the rest of you get on well? Or does she 'divide and rule' against you all,so none of you know quite who to trust?

Original poster
JunieBabes · 09/07/2022 17:14

The rest of us get on brilliantly. I adore the others

OP posts:
Bettysnow · 09/07/2022 17:16

If i was you i would ask her directly in front of all your other colleagues why she has been saying things about you and everyone else! If she tries to boss you about or talk about someone elses work pull her up every single time.
Shes getting away with this behaviour because nobody is challenging her which is why she keeps doing it.

dapsnotplimsolls · 09/07/2022 18:39

Is she related to the boss?!

BlanketsBanned · 09/07/2022 18:44

Does anyone ever challenge her or ask for a group meeting, i worked with the managers daughter who was an lazy spiteful two faced bully who upset everyone but mummy didnt do anything about it except promote her.

HelenMirrensWeightedBlanket · 09/07/2022 19:08

Can the rest of you get together and make a joint complaint to your manager or to someone above your manager? Multiple complainers = more weight.

Original poster
JunieBabes · 11/07/2022 14:07

I've spoken to my manager's manager this morning. She acted all surprised and described the nasty colleague as a 'much loved team member' which is bullshit. I've said I will resign if they won't deal with her

OP posts:
2bazookas · 11/07/2022 14:40

Ask her. Preferably infront of Bob. Simple question, no accusation.

"Susan, did you tell Bob I did XYZ? "

after whatever she responds

"Why did you say that? ".

Original poster
JunieBabes · 21/07/2022 12:47

Just to update; I have now resigned from my job!

The senior manager tried to blame it all on me and seemed more concerned that the nasty colleague has been upset by the allegations. I got a total bollocking and didn't do anything wrong. So I resigned. Work then tried to backpedal and say they'd sort it and admitted there is a bullying culture there but I stayed firm.

Arseholes!

OP posts:
BlanketsBanned · 21/07/2022 13:30

Good for you, it sounds awful and hopefully others will also have the courage to leave and let the bullies get on with behaving like immature spoilt brats, you will never have to see her or the manager ever again, good luck with any new job you get.

cheekychatta · 21/07/2022 13:39

Well there's your answer from management- she's just like that so they won't do anything. Don't get into conflict with her or she will drive you out and turn others against you . All you can go is suck it up really or leave

Original poster
JunieBabes · 21/07/2022 13:44

cheekychatta · 21/07/2022 13:39

Well there's your answer from management- she's just like that so they won't do anything. Don't get into conflict with her or she will drive you out and turn others against you . All you can go is suck it up really or leave

I'm pleased to say that I did resign a few days ago. Such a relief!

OP posts:
Ilikewinter · 21/07/2022 16:46

Ah well done, interesting that they started to back peddle, obviously inow theyve dropped a clanger ..... wishing you all the best luck for the future!

TalkingToMyselfAgain · 21/07/2022 16:48

Confront her and ask why she's saying nasty stuff about you and others. Tell head office about this bitch.

TalkingToMyselfAgain · 21/07/2022 16:51

Sorry, just seen that you've resigned. Good. Life is too short to be unhappy at work. Tell the Company Director (got to the very top) about this woman and your Manager

BMW6 · 21/07/2022 16:55

Remember her in your leaving speech............

Subeccoo · 21/07/2022 16:59

I quit my well paid job for this very reason.
My boss was in shock. I told him I'd complained about her for years. He was gutted I left.
Life is way too short to put up with this shit.

VillanellesCoat · 21/07/2022 17:02

You may well have a claim for constructive dismissal there, OP. (Based on the info you’ve given)