Feel so lost in life and want a new start

[Fakerecords]

I just feel that i don't know where my life is going.
I am 31, don't have a permanent job, just a series of temp and agency work. One of my jobs can offer me permanent work but it pays £9.90 an hour, perhaps not sufficient to live on full time?
I don't remember the last time I made a new friend as an adult, probably 4 years ago.

I have qualifications, but I never seem to get on well in a permanent role, with bullying and office politics. I've been bullied in 3 places. Also sometimes I'm just not very good at my jobs, I feel.

I've failed 10 driving tests.

I've got 2 friends I would class as genuine good friends, which I know I'm very lucky to have. Then about 6 'casual' friends, who i may see twice a year. Even the 2 good friends I see once a month usually. I don't feel like I have those kinds of friends that would do anything for you.

I have a partner of over 2 years, but I don't know if he wants to marry me. Surely he'd have said by now if he did?

I'm shy. I know it's not a bad thing, but it gets me down. I didn't think I'd be shy at 31. I think it hinders me at work and socially.

Im a good weight, but I'm just lacking motivation atm. I did really well on a low carb diet for 3 weeks but I'm back to eating sugar and white carbs now. Just feel demotivated.

I'm starting mindfulness sessions next week which may help me. I just feel low and lost, and directionless. Not sure what advice I'm seeking really.

I think you need to be more active in your life, although that will involve figuring out what you want in life. Mindfulness is good for anxiety and can help with clarity but I think you are going to need to do more.

Start with thinking about what you want in life, what would you like to have in 10 years, and then work back to thinking about how will you get there. There will be lots of books and articles about this so look it up.

You sound very passive about your partner. Do you want to marry him? If you do, ask him. If you don’t, or he doesn’t, then move on.

You need to start earning some decent money so whatever your qualifications are put them to use. Just because you were bulllied before doesn’t mean you will be again. And if you are take it straight to HR.

It’s great you have 2 good friends, that’s lots more than many. What interests you, could you join some local groups as that will help you meet people.

You have time now but you don’t want to be drifting at 40, so start making some changes.

Thanks for taking the time to reply.
I want to have a stable career that I can progress and make friends in.
You're right, I need to stop believing that I'll be bullied in every job. I was bullied throughout school too and I think it's just become a self fulfilling prophecy.
Only last week in an agency job I overheard myself being slagged off, and it just makes me think you can't trust anyone.
I hope I can make the right changes and get things sorted.

Have you considered you could be autistic? Your story sounds so similar to others who receive a diagnosis late in life. Not saying you are but if it fits it could help you make sense of yourself and your life

I've definitely considered autism and/or ADHD, yes. My partner has ADHD and has had similar experiences to me.

Would you consider an assessment? I would suggest with someone experienced in assessing autism and adhd together and in women (I'm assumed you're a woman). You could then have therapeutic input specifically for you rather than doing mindfulness etc which may or may not help you make sense of your life

God you sound just like me, I can’t hold down a permanent job as I feel I’m simply not good enough and I just get extreme anxiety and tiredness over it all. Just leaving a job now after 6 months not coping, il be going back to part time or bar work. I’ve got two children and a loving partner however but like you I’ve only got two good friends I still don’t see as often as I’d like. I really struggle in wanting to do something with my life but also getting the intense anxiety and exhaustion that comes with thinking I’m incompetent for a job. Hard times! Also about to take my fourth driving test next week that I have no hope for 😂

Yes I could consider an assessment maybe, I'll take a look.
And I'm sorry to hear that, I'm sure you're definitely good enough for the jobs, and best of luck for the driving test!

Life is tough.

I think you need a specific goal to start focusing on, it doesn't have to be huge or successful just to give you a sense of direction.

In tern of career you're 31, you will be 41 in 10 years and could establish a career over the decade.

You'll be 41 anyway, might as well have some training under your belt.

Again it doesn't have to be a master's degree, there is plenty of work in IT roles, Social care, it's your party.

Reframe it a moment
You’re in good health (I assume?)
You’re employed (even if you want something better)
You have friends and a partner
You have qualifications
Youre young enough to pursue something new
i don’t think that’s a bad springboard, you just need to work out what you want!

Really positive response! Op, it sounds like you’ve got something worthwhile to build on.

As a small point, OP, as far as I know the national minimum wage is £9.50 per hour so you should query this with the employer offering £9.

There is so much more to life than marriage and DC.

I wouldn't waste time stressing about them, at the moment you're free to throw yourself into training and meeting new friends along the way.

I enjoy meeting shy people, not everyone likes full on people, feel.good about yourself, most of us suffer imposter syndrome at some point.

Just be yourself.

The job agency are absolutely deplorable arseholes.
What about DC disability care it can be really rewarding and there is lots of room for progression.
I'm sorry you had encountered rude people.

Sorry it was £9.90 an hour, 40p above min wage.
It's a shame as I can do agency care work for £11.70 an hour, but it's hard always having to be the 'agency' at homes, always having to be the newbie, bitchy cliquey staff sometimes, etc.
It's just tough when you aren't permanent staff basically.
All of my friends have careers that they're progressing in, and I sometimes feel like a failure.

You are right that I need to just accept who I am. I always felt that very outgoing, charismatic people were the most popular, but so what I guess. I have my strengths and I need to use them.

I am in good health which I am grateful for.

I need to build my confidence really.

I think finding the right fit, for you in work would be key. What hobbies do you like? What do you enjoy doing? Look into related fields. The office is not for everyone.

Find out why you feel tired all the time. The unsupportive job cultures are not helping. Know thy self. A lot of us are on a fast treadmill in this era, to what end?