To wish it was the cultural norm not to comment on things you don’t have experience in

[Peaplant20]

I think about this quite frequently. So many times I’ve had one opinion on something, then when I’ve experience it first hand, I’ve completely changed my mind. But yet as a culture we constantly comment our opinions on things we don’t have experience in (including myself)). Some examples:

• I met someone today who had a friend who’d had a baby arrive 4 weeks early. My baby was also early. The other person said “it’s quite nice when they’re like that isn’t it, because they don’t really cry.” For me personally, there was nothing nice about having a baby arrive prematurely. It was scary and traumatic.
• commenting on people’s pregnancy bodies. I’ve definitely said things like “wow your bump is so big!” to other pregnant women before. It wasn’t until I was pregnant and I became part of a Facebook group with lots of pregnant women that I realised people don’t usually like being told this! My own bump was small and people used to comment on that all the time and I didn’t like that either. I made a vow only to ever say “you look well/ healthy” etc to pregnant women in future.
• as a teacher I find people comment ALOT about how much “holiday” teachers get without any real understanding of teacher workload today (very different to when most adults attended school themselves).

just a rant really 😂 not meant to be a debate about those specific examples but more of why we do this. Any other examples? Times when you’ve had one opinion on something and then changed your mind when you experienced it yourself?

YABU because what you really mean is - wouldn't it be nice if people weren't twats

It's just people making chit chat 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Slightlystressedbride 😂
@FriendlyPineapple yes you’re right

Meh. I'd like a rant about people that think, "alot" is a word.
You can't stop loudmouths from shouting about topics they know nothing about.

I made a vow only to ever say “you look well/ healthy” that would annoy me too. I hate it when people say that as it usually means I've put on a few pounds and also a lot of the time I am not well. Just ask them how they are doing.

as a teacher I find people comment ALOT about how much “holiday” teachers get without any real understanding of teacher workload today (very different to when most adults attended school themselves). do they not get holiday? I didn't know that. What does their contract day about the school holidays?

I actually love "Don't say x just ask them how they are doing" - it has such application to every area of life!! The world would be better if we all did this. Well that's what I think. What do you think?

Definitely, don't tell someone how you think they feel, ask them how they feel

Everyone on MN knows how to teach better than teachers. That’s why they are here 24/7 bad mouthing them and not signing up to teach. Maybe they should charge consultancy fees for their expertise.

Not really sure it is a cultural thing, more a people thing.

@chilledbubble never thought about it like that! Will bear that in mind.
@EthicalNonMahogany thats lovely!

@NiceTwin yes I thought that after I posted!

If armchair experts were forbidden twitter would collapse overnight.

Not a lot of room for anything but the most banal chitchat in your world, OP.

i could flip this & say "Why do people take chitchat so seriously!?"

I do not.
I cannot even teach basic things to a relatively intelligent child. If they don't understand the first time, I'm completely befuddled how I can help.

Although I'd long had a feeling I'd be a terrible teacher, lockdown homeschooling confirmed it for me. The weird thing is that everyone else in my family is a teacher!

People are allowed talk about anything they want to talk about, even if it's annoying to others.

@chilledbubble to be fair since posting I've gone on a million threads and said judgement opinionated stuff 😂

I’m with you, OP. TBF I am also tired of teachers who think academics have it easy because there are fewer teaching hours. They never see the myriad other job duties. And yes, I am well aware of the invisible work of teaching and have great respect for that.

But what gives me the rage is when people change a recipe beyond recognition before attempting it, and then give it a bad review because their version didn’t work.

People have always had conflicting opinions, but since the advent of social media its in yer face 24/7. Someone will make a comment, however innocuous, then someone else will decide they are an idiot and start a barney. I rarely comment on anything public but it has some great entertainment value when your feeling a bit bored!!

anything related to pregnancy loss, infertility, IVF, childlessness etc - if you haven’t been through it, you’ve no idea. The amount of insensitive sh*te people say. Best just to say I am sorry things are hard, not ‘at least you can get pregnant’ (yeah, I’ve been pregnant ten times but they are still all dead), ‘you can have my kids’ (that’s not the point), ‘you’ll get your baby one day, I just know it’ (my high experienced doctor doesn’t even know that).

The thing is, people experience the same situation in totally different ways. So although you might have been through something, the comments of someone who'd been through it differently would annoy you.

I think it's useful sometimes to have outside perspectives from people not emotionally involved in things. Also I think calling people out on things should not be limited to those with direct experience. For example, I have never owned a dog but I have opinions on irresponsible owners.

Oh yes, I feel this.

Within my experience (sadly) was being widowed at a young age.

The amount of people who thought they 'understood' when they really, really didn't.

I'm now remarried and they don't understand why I worry about my husband and can't simply draw a line and leave all my life experience behind.

I get the basis of what you’re saying but ultimately you ABU. If we could only speak on or express an opinion about the things we have actual experience about then we’d all be pretty boring.

one issue for sensitive issues such as serious illness or bereavement is not knowing what to say so not saying anything at all. I haven’t experienced my child dying. Whatever I say seems inadequate. Then I say nothing as if I don’t care at all.

For other things I think we may be more likely to know what does not help from the person with lived experience of being a nurse, teacher, lawyer.
An example may be being woken very early when a patient. I felt that didn’t help my recover my and feel like complaining about nurses doing that. However nurses themselves have a different perspective and can discuss the reasons. Or we can talk about very bland topics instead.