To ask how you stay 'in the loop'!?

[LazyJayne]

Let me preface this by acknowledging that I am very unfashionable and uncool and secretly quite delighted to be so. I can think of nothing better that sitting outside in the morning sun with a coffee and listening to the birds. My idea of an 'exciting' day out is the garden centre.

That being said...

I don’t want to find myself at a point in my life where I don’t really understand what’s going on around me any more. I think that will leave me feeling quite confused and vulnerable, yearning for the ‘old days’ and simpler times.

I think of my DGM who can’t use the internet and how she’s unable to do online shopping without help, use price comparison websites or manage any of her bills or banking online. She can’t just ‘Google’ the answer to questions she has and she certainly can’t search YouTube for a song or program she used to love.

Now that she’s less mobile, she’d be in a right pickle if she didn’t have family to sort her shopping and help her with telephone banking (the local branch having recently closed down).

We’ve previously tried to help her get online but the problem is that technology has moved on so much and so quickly that there’s so much to learn, and because she hasn’t ‘kept up’ as it’s evolved, she’s extremely vulnerable to things like fishing scams. She found the whole thing overwhelming, and declared that she no longer had the capacity to learn it (probably correctly).

She’s generally disparaging to ‘new fangled’ things like the internet and is completely baffled by the ‘youth of today’. This is understandable and fine, but as I mentioned earlier, she has the ‘luxury’ (probably not the right word) of feeling this way because she has help.

I’m aware that I may not have this ‘luxury’ when I’m older, and technology is developing at an exponential rate. I don’t want to find myself suddenly baffled and afraid of the world around me - it’s baffling and frightening enough as it is!

For this reason, I want to stay vaguely ‘in the loop’. I thought I was doing quite well (I’m on Mumsnet after all, using acronyms and everything - look at me go!!) but I’ve realised that I’m starting to notice more and more things that I don’t understand (TikTok dances anyone!?).

I don’t want to participate in these trends but I want to at least understand them and the technologies that make them popular/attractive. Also, I’ve asked people where they got their latest kitchen gadget, and they’ve said ‘TikTok’!? So apparently it’s a shop, too! And everyone’s on there sharing their latest bargains which I’m not seeing because I’m not on it. It’s like my DGM with the internet all over again!

Alexa is another one - my initial thought was ‘I’m not interested in that and don’t want it in my home’ but then I saw my niece doing all sorts with it (she has pets on there!?) and I realised her experience of life will soon be something that I don’t understand. I certainly wouldn’t be able to keep her safe from any dangers inherent within Alexa like age inappropriate material because I don’t know what they are or how she might encounter them!

If you're managing to successfully stay 'in the loop', how are you doing it!? Do you have accounts on the latest social media sites? Do your children help? Any thoughts/suggestions welcome!

Can I just say I am loving your use of quotes for ‘in the loop’, it is brilliantly 70s mum.

Just consume media (consume clearly awful word in this context but can’t think of anything else). You don’t have to pay much attention to TikTok, but take a look occasionally, Alexa is brilliant so unless you feel strongly about security maybe get one. You don’t have to use all platforms but use some.

And maybe subscribe to Wired or Fast Company, and read thinks like Refinary29 for mindset. All of this is compatible with gardens centres and bird song. Young millennials and gen zs are very proud of being ‘plant parents’

Waiting for some illuminating answers, op. I feel much the same! I’m not quite as worried as you, I don’t think, because we’re already familiar with phones/ websites/ social media (to the extent that we want to use it) so not as though we’d be starting from scratch. We have got the basics under our belts at least, if we feel the need to upgrade!

The thing you have over your GM is that you are already technology literate which makes it much easier to stay connected. I don't think technology will ever have that massive splurge from nothing to everything as it did in the 90s.

Most things are, at the moment, just a variation or upgrade on a theme. Quite unlike the 'omg' moments when we went from landline to mobile, or the first time we used the www etc.

I'm 61 and had more than half my life without the technology we have today. I don't use lots of stuff (Twitter, TikTok etc) but I know what they are and could access them if I wanted to.

Get your gran an Alexa for playing old music, Alexa, play Matt Monroe songs.

Otherwise, being out of the loop is quite underrated. Part of getting older is not having to perform youth and be in the loop in the first place.

I think you're doing fine. I'm in the loop with the internet, keeping safe online, Alexa/Google Nest, mobile phone technology...there is nothing wrong with not wanting to understand TikTok. I think it's fucking stupid!

Noted, thank you!

I think it’s a mindset thing and cultivating an attitude of curiosity and openness within yourself.

so when you say about Alexa, “my initial thought was I’m not interested” - be curious about where that defensiveness comes from. Why does it feel scary to you? Why does your mind shut down?

Notice when your body and mind opens and closed to things and be curious about why that is.

Practice asking questions of yourself and of the world -

• what’s that about?


• how does that work?


• how could that be useful?


• what would it enable me to do?


• how might life be different if everyone used this? Etc

It sounds to me like you are doing fine too.

I understand OP.

I force myself to watch tv programmes /films/podcasts my Gen Z DC like, and I really listen to them and ask a lot of questions. They do treat me like a total idiot sometimes but I feel I am not as left behind as some of my peers.

I agree with a pp that the arrival of the internet was a huge shift and unlikely to be repeated in our lifetimes. Everything else is just a variation. You could learn all about TikTok only for the young uns to move to a new platform in a few months’ time.

I wouldn’t worry. If you have DC or others you are responsible for safeguarding (you mentioned keeping your niece safe?) then you probably do need to keep an eye on, and vaguely understand, whatever apps or tech they are using. But I don’t think you’ll be too out of touch just because you don’t have Alexa pets.

I'm a gran - I stay in the loop by being mentally flexible , willing to embrace new things. I talk to my DC and GDC about their lives, read about new technology and generally keep on top of what's happening in the world. Your gran is out of the loop because she doesn't want to change - unlike the majority of older people who are computer literate and happy to shop and bank online. ( I read recently that 75% of those over 65 are computer literate). It's all in the attitude, OP.

For me it's driven by convenience, if it makes my life easier I'm having it. Also having kids and working with younger people helps

Agree with pps that such a huge shift is unlikely again. Also I think it's fine to just have an idea of what 'new' things are but decide they're not for you. Also not all 'new' technologies are great - so many people my age (particularly men) were all over their cryptocurrencies and NFTs until recently and have suddenly all gone rather quiet as they've lost a fortune. So I think the key is just to take a few minutes to work out what something is and what uses it might have rather than instantly dismissing it, but if those uses won't really improve your life, you don't HAVE to adapt it just because everyone thinks it's great.

I'm fairly young and tech literate, and onboard with a lot of 'new' things - have an oculus quest, phone loaded with apps, have done intro web dev/coding courses - but I don't have, for example, an Alexa or a kindle because while I know what they are and understand why they would be useful for others, I personally don't think I'd benefit.

Also good point by a pp that sometimes it's just about interacting with younger people - you pick up new stuff more organically than having to research it, but often get reassured that people are pretty much the same really whatever their age in many ways!

You only need to keep yourself in the loop and keep your skills up to date enough to enable you to do the daily things like online banking, googling instructions or searching for how to videos on Youtube. TikTok dances and having pets on Alexa isn't really vital to keep yourself in the loop.

I don't blame your mil. At least she won't get scammed etc and the Internet isn't for everyone. It's perfectly possible to manage without it.

Read, research and join
When crypto came out I spent time reading about it (and asking on here) so at least I had a basic understanding.

I've joined TikTok and Insta and Snap (all under a different name) and I follow family children's accounts (turns out they all have a main account which is perfectly acceptable for me to follow, they then have other accounts which old people are barred from)

When something is difficult I make sure I try immediately, because if I don't get to grips with that then I certainly won't get to grips with what is next.

My great gran did this approach in the 90's she always owned the latest computer consol and played a bit so that when her grandchildren arrived she could play Mario etc with them. I now own a PS4 and have learnt the basics so I can play Fortnite (boring) Minecraft (momentarily interesting) and currently Fall Guys (repetitive)

I agree with you OP. I refer to it as "use it or lose it". Im trying to do little things to stay in the loop. This week I registered with Google Pay

I'm sure one day it will catch up with me (twitch, don't get it) but figure at least I'm trying. (So much is so so boring though, I also don't get insta is tripe)

You sound just like me and Im interested to know

Im not on social media at all, apart from a few forums, I often read threats quite bemused about what people are talking about, I google some of it sometimes but dont always get an answer I can understand.

I really only know the basics of using computers, I can shop for my life, email, managed to navigate the covid pass type of thing but sometimes something will pop up and then its gone, wheres it gone, particularly on the phone.

I couldnt tell you what the in thing is.

It's never been easier to be in the loop - all you need to do is consume current media. I'm a teacher, so being with teenagers all the time keeps me in the loop. I have teen dc too, but once they leave home I'll lose that source of being updated!

I pick and choose the things that enhance and improve my life. I don’t do social media (except MN, and that’s anonymous), and I’m very hot on privacy, so I avoid free services like Google accounts.

I don’t feel a need for Alexa, but I do like other smart home and IoT tech that I can operate from my phone - lighting, integrated solar power / heating etc. I also love devices - smart phones and iPads are amazing and I upgrade about every four years.

you don’t have to do it all.