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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to give expensive re-gift as birthday present?

21 replies

DanceToTheMusicInMyHead · 09/07/2022 10:33

DS going to birthday party this weekend for a classmate- good friend but not best friend. For DS's birthday party this child gave him a pair of PJs, and that is usually the type of price range I would purchase a present in too.

However, in my wardrobe I currently have a duplicate present from my DS's birthday (both me and my mum had bought it in the January sales and by the time we realised we had duplicated it was outside the return window). It is currently on sale for £33. My dilemma: it is a lego set that the birthday boy would love. It is literally gathering dust, and would cost me nothing. However would it look wildly extravagant and make the birthday boy mum feel uncomfortable? And I can't very well explain my apparent extravagance by saying I am re-gifting as would that seem rude?

YANBU- stop overthinking this, give the boy the present he would love and free up the space in your wardrobe

YABU- you would make the birthday mum feel awkward. Sort something else

OP posts:
whattheduece · 09/07/2022 10:34

DanceToTheMusicInMyHead · 09/07/2022 10:33

DS going to birthday party this weekend for a classmate- good friend but not best friend. For DS's birthday party this child gave him a pair of PJs, and that is usually the type of price range I would purchase a present in too.

However, in my wardrobe I currently have a duplicate present from my DS's birthday (both me and my mum had bought it in the January sales and by the time we realised we had duplicated it was outside the return window). It is currently on sale for £33. My dilemma: it is a lego set that the birthday boy would love. It is literally gathering dust, and would cost me nothing. However would it look wildly extravagant and make the birthday boy mum feel uncomfortable? And I can't very well explain my apparent extravagance by saying I am re-gifting as would that seem rude?

YANBU- stop overthinking this, give the boy the present he would love and free up the space in your wardrobe

YABU- you would make the birthday mum feel awkward. Sort something else

You're over thinking it. Give the Lego to birthday lad he will be so happy x

iklboo · 09/07/2022 10:39

Definitely overthinking it. Birthday Boy will love it.

PuckeredArseFace · 09/07/2022 10:39

Give it to him and explain the duplicate to the parents
Don't risk embarrassing them

Catslovepies · 09/07/2022 10:40

Is another child going whose mum you know well enough to go in on the lego set together? She could give you £15 and then the gift is from both families.

Noodle20 · 09/07/2022 10:40

Definitely give the Lego, he'll love it
Also explain the duplicate, they'll understand

DelurkingAJ · 09/07/2022 10:41

They may just assume you’re a very canny shopper. I got DS2’s bff a Lego set that should have been £32 but was less than half price…

NoSquirrels · 09/07/2022 10:45

And I can't very well explain my apparent extravagance by saying I am re-gifting as would that seem rude?

Why not?

Is the purpose of a gift to show how much money you’ve spent, or is the purpose of a gift to show how well you know the person and their tastes?

Give the boy the present he’d love. Tell their parents you got a duplicate and your son knew how much his mate would love the same one so you hung onto it for him.

You spent the money in the first place, right? So you did buy this gift!

Merryoldgoat · 09/07/2022 10:45

I’ll be honest, I don’t even notice how much birthday stuff costs - I’m just glad the party is over and the child happy.

Give happily!

ColettesEarrings · 09/07/2022 10:45

I think the parents will probably be bright enough to know that if you bought it, it's highly unlikely you spent full price, and also that at that price point it's quite possibly a duplicate regift. I also think they won't care one way or another and that they'll be very grateful that their child gets a brilliant gift.

OhMerde · 09/07/2022 10:50

God, I'd never admit to a re-gift. If you're going to do it, you have to brazen it out. Everyone does it but it's absolutely NOT to be discussed.

RandomMess · 09/07/2022 10:50

If it's ever mentioned you just say "absolutely bloody sale bargain, got one for DS too"

Original poster
DanceToTheMusicInMyHead · 09/07/2022 10:50

Thanks everyone. Good to have quick sense check of my thinking - I was starting to wrap it and then had a moment of doubt. Selfishly this is the best option for me too as I don't have to sort something else 😁I will explain it though to try and avoid awkwardness- though I like the canny shopper angle!

OP posts:
ThePumpkinPatch · 09/07/2022 10:53

Just happily say to the mum "Sorry if this gift seems extravagant it was just on sale so I thought why not?!" That way she doesn't feel compelled to spend £32 on your DS in future

Floraanddougal · 09/07/2022 10:55

Don’t lie just say I had a duplicate and thought he’d love it.

LivingLifeOnTheVeg · 09/07/2022 10:56

If she even thinks about it, she’ll either presume you got it on sale or think you’ve chosen to spend more. Either are fine because it was your choice to give the gift.

I wouldn’t even think about it, I often didn’t even remember who gave which gift anyway. Theres been a lot of kids birthday party threads on here recently, I’m starting to realise that people put way more thought into parties, invites, presents than I ever did. 😬

Original poster
DanceToTheMusicInMyHead · 09/07/2022 10:58

@ColettesEarrings I personally could not give a shit if it is a re-gift. But I often find my views on social niceties to be out of step with other people's 😀

OP posts:
LivingLifeOnTheVeg · 09/07/2022 10:59

I think it would be more awkward to explain it. It’s like you’re highlighting that you know she spent less. I would find that really weird.

ohgawdnowivedoneit · 09/07/2022 11:14

I saw this on special offer and thought your boy would love it !

coodawoodashooda · 09/07/2022 11:16

RandomMess · 09/07/2022 10:50

If it's ever mentioned you just say "absolutely bloody sale bargain, got one for DS too"

This.

Bodice · 09/07/2022 11:21

It would not occur to much how much a Lego set cost in a pile of birthday presents x if anything I would assume you got it in the sale. But it’s a bit strange to mention it’s a duplicate. Totally unnessesary.

Marg11 · 10/07/2022 22:50

What happened @DanceToTheMusicInMyHead

Hope it went well!

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