Sorry, this is a long one.
Even at school, I flitted from one friendship group to another. I was never the "main" friend. Occasionally, I had good 1-to-1 friendships but they were fleeting and often resulted in being ghosted.
I had my first child at 22 when my "then" friendship group were going abroad to work the summer.
I have made many friendships over the years but they usually relate to current interests (eg. Young children) and are over once the interest is gone.
I now have a couple of friends but both seems to fit me in when it suits. One i met through a joint interest that lasted in person for a year. They message/ring me daily. When they talk about what they have been doing recently, they will say "I met up with my friends" or "I am going to introduce my new boyfriend to my friendship group" when I suggest we meet up, the response is always that they will check their diary and get back to me which they never do despite always saying we must meet up. We literally live 5 miles from each other. I am certain that I don't smell or anything and don't understand why they pursue a texting friendship.
I recently gave up on another friendship because it was the same thing, they would text and say how we must meet up. I would say "great, I am free ....proceed to give a range of dates" to which they would reply I will check and get back to you. My question is....why bother messaging in the first place? I started replying...."great, let me know when you are free" and I stopped hearing from them.
I attended a evening wedding the other day and realised that it was the second I had ever attended in my life (I am now 43). The person whose wedding it was, I have considered to be a good friend. We have known each other for 5 years, have regular meet ups and text at least once a week. I was not invited to the daytime event or the hen do.
In work, it is fairly cliquey. I was actually told that a couple had said that "I was alright" and should be let into their friendship group. This didn't seem like a friendship group I would want to pursue and said that I didn't enjoy going to the pub (I really do). Is this why I miss out?
I try to be kind and make people my priority but I am not on people's priority list. I have really poor family examples and our whole family are estranged from each other.
Clearly, I can see that this is a lifetime pattern but I don't know what I am doing wrong. I have no problem making friendships, it is more developing them to any depth.
I am now experiencing signs of social anxiety where I feel very conscious and self aware. I feel paranoid talking to people and probably come accross as snobby or boring. I actually had a co-worker (separate from the group) say to me "we would have invited you but know you don't like those types of things", when I really would have loved to go but just wasn't asked. I feel like people make excuses to be nice but I am missing a fundamental flaw in my character that makes people want me around for support but that's it. I really would appreciate insight into this before I give up and become a hermit.