AIBU to think that MumsNet is actually quite an amazing place? Hear me out…

[WifeMotherWorkRepeat]

Firstly let me acknowledge that MN can be a hotbed of vipers in AIBU, especially if the OP is in fact BU and continues to argue their case. Also MN is full of bonkers posters, 2 that spring to mind are the making of owl noises to a colleague while eating a yoghurt and someone wanting to use the grounds of a National Trust house as a toilet because they were not keen on using the proper facilities!!

But moving on to the point of my post.

I honestly think MumsNet is such an incredibly positive place. Over the years I have seen so many posts from desperate women in awful relationships or home situations and the outpouring of practical advice, support and love is immense. Some of you may have seen a post from last year reignited yesterday with an update, an amazing update with a happy outlook. Had she not posted on MN would she have found the strength to change her situation?!?

So if you are reading this and you are in a relationship where you or your DC are living with abuse of any kind (financial, emotional, sexual or physical) and you cannot confide in anyone IRL then post here. This is a network of women supporting women and creating a post could very possibly change the course of your life for the better.

YABU - MN is a dreadful place!
YANBU - MN, despite the arguments and eccentric posters, is an amazing forum for women!

YANBU.

There's nowhere else women can get advice like this. Maybe some is harsh or you don't like it or disagree with it, but it's varied and from a multitude of perspectives. That's quite valuable. Plus it's moderated so the really awful posts get removed - unlike Twitter, for example.

I think this site has informed more women than any other site has that they're being/have been raped or sexually assaulted. That alone is invaluable. Then there's the women in abusive relationships who don't understand what's happened to them (hint: the abuser happened to them) and they have the abuse explained to them in ways that make sense. Again, where else?

Sadly when I tell people I'm on here I always get negative reactions.

However, there are so many of us that I just look at them and wonder what their Mumsnet username is. 😉

Some posts are invaluable but you have to get passed some awful trolls to get there .

To be expected when you are connecting with people you wouldn't engage with in RL

I don't think you need to preface it with "hear me out"! Most people here love it, otherwise they wouldn't be here.

YANBU

I think MumsNet in general has a bad reputation. There are trolls or political activists that will post something deliberately provocative for a reaction. There are posts that are pointless, posts that are infuriating and posts that are just plain odd.
But every so often someone in a desperate situation reaches out for help and everyone pulls together to offer something, even if it’s a few words of support or encouragement. This is what should be celebrated and this is what makes this site so special and important for women.

It is unique that there is something for everyone here. Even in AIBU where topics can range across the widest spectrum. And the content on AIBU moves fast.

Of course you get odd idiot trying police threads saying ‘oh not this again’ or clicking on a thread, getting their entertainment and then saying how distasteful/tone deaf/ inappropriate it is. But idiots exist in real life so why wouldn’t they be on MN.

It's a site for everyone, not just women

It's ok I suppose, nowhere near as good as it used to be though.

Those are two extreme options. Wonderful or dreadful. If you had “fine but much less good since the supposed upgrade” I’d go with that.

Some good things here obviously but mostly it’s just general chat. I think the “everyone pulling together” line is not accurate. Even on mostly supportive threads there can be some really unkind comments.

I'm in two minds about it to be honest. I find it quite addictive though - I come on here every day because you never know what you will read; its very varied. Yes, I have seen some very supportive posts, but there is also an atmosphere of bullying sometimes - one person disagrees with a poster, then everyone else piles on. I often end up feeling sorry for people when this happens. It's an interesting place though, which is why I'm still here.

The bereavement board on MN has been the thing that has saved my sanity. I tentatively posted late one night, just after my son died, having had a dismally unhelpful conversation with Samaritans. Within seconds there was an amazing group of women offering support and understanding. Those women were there for me during some very, very dark days. They got me through the funeral, the anniversaries, the practical and legal stuff.
In turn, I have been back to offer a handhold to other women who find themselves in similar dreadful circumstances. I don't know where I would have been without it.

I think it’s invaluable - it’s amazing being able to access great advice on such a variety of topics - most people on here are kind and mean well - and sometimes it’s so much easier to ask for advice anonymously rather than irl

@endofthelinefinally your example is exactly what my post was about. I’m so pleased you found help, understanding and support in a virtual world during your darkest days. There are some amazing women in this group.

I agree OP. I think that when it really matters, MN users are fab at providing invaluable support and advice.

Hi OP, which thread is the happy update from? I'd love to see that 🙂 thanks.

There is quite a bit of tosh on here. Loads of fun and amusement.

But when I was struggling with a toddler issue, MN helped me. And I've since offered the same advice to others I've seen with the same problem.

And I trust MN when I ask for thoughts on a particular piece of kitchen equipment.

And my eyes have been opened on a few subjects which I don't have direct experience of, and would probably otherwise listen to the media and not get the perspective of people who've lived the experience.

And if it weren't for the feminism boards, I probably wouldn't be as angry as I should be for how the world is changing for my daughter.

So it's not just the crisis situations where MN has value. But it's helped me as a woman, a parent and a citizen in many ways.

It's a shame that my DH rolls his eyes when I'm curled up with laughter when I'm reading threads like the one last night reminiscing about the funniest posts/threads. He has no idea of the positives I get out of the site.

Yes I agree. I think MN has been the village for me. Unlike the echo chamber portrayal it gets I find I am very often confronted by views I do not like which I see as extremely positive. It is great to challenge your beliefs.

Reading MN really helped me see I was in an abusive relationship, and I really didn't need to be. It definitely helped give me the strength to leave and I am 100% happier

@Dailymauifan - the expectation of daily sex

I’m not sure why but reading the OP makes me feel like I’m being invited to join a cult

There was physical abuse in my marriage which was blatantly obvious but I didn't see the emotional abuse for what it was until I started reading MN. It has been such a good support for me and so many others over the years.

YADNBU, OP.

Yes it is. Warts and all. It's an incredible resource for so many topics of interest and there's always somebody, somewhere who knows what you're talking or asking about.

We could extinguish all the trolls if we wanted to, by just not replying and giving them the attention they want. But we do, so they stay. Not rocket science.

Thanks 👍 will head there now.