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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Feeling annoyed

7 replies

Rebeccabubba · 08/07/2022 16:07

Hi. Am I being unreasonable??

DH has his own business in construction his hours are 8-5/6 ish amd then will do quoting 2/3 times a week which could mean he's out till 7 or up till 9/10 on laptop. I work with him too 8-5 amd then come home cook tea and do house work even putting his pants amd socks away for him. I bring him coffee every single morning. I've done this from day dot but feeling taken for granted now a little. DH doesn't do anything he cuts the grass but sometimes I do this too. He finished work on a tue every week at 4 to play 9 holes of golf. Get back about 8 in the evening. He's only been doing this about 6 weeks. Before it was every now and again he'd play golf. We don't do anything separate it's always as a family that's how it's always been. It's hard during the week but weekends is family time.

We don't have kids together but I have 3 (9,11, 12) from a previous relationship. I split with ex when they where small and they all call my DH dad. They didn't really see there dad but fast forward a few years amd there now spending every other weekend with him fri- Sunday.

I've not been very well this week some bug. It's taken a lot to even cook tea. I've not been to work amd not done house work. Feeling a little better today so been out and bought steak and Camembert amd thought I'd cook us a nice meal maybe a glass of wine and chat. DH rings me amd said one of his friends has asked if he wants to go golf tonight and then I could meet him for food after. I said I didn't feel up to that. His reply was well do you mind if I still go golfing. My voice must have said it all because we got into an argument. Me saying he's already played golf this week amd it would of been nice for him to have offered to cook for me with how I'll I'd been feeling. I was looking forward to us time. His answer we always have us time amd he's going golfing amd I'm being unreasonable. I told him I'm sure it would be different if it was the other way around.

Am I being stupid!!!!

OP posts:
Gremlinsattack · 08/07/2022 16:11

No yanbu, it sounds like he works long hours and therefore expects you to bear the entire domestic load. Can either of you cut down on work hours?

Natty13 · 08/07/2022 16:12

To answer your question yes you are being stupid. It's naive to think a man who has been happy to sit back and be waited on hand and foot would suddenly step up when needed. You've always been happy with the arrangement of him doing next to fuck all so why would he change now?

I hope you feel better soon, get a takeaway and rest. Forget the housework he can bloody do it. xx

KangarooKenny · 08/07/2022 16:14

You aren’t being unreasonable, but you’re silly if you stay and moan. Decide what you want and have it.

Cameronnorrieisabitofalright · 08/07/2022 16:17

He knows you have everything covered therefore his minimum effort is acceptable to him.

Find yourself sown9 hobbies but beware he won't be available to watch your dc...
Stop making his life at home so easy is my advice..

Rebeccabubba · 08/07/2022 16:30

I don't think I'm annoyed at the house work part (well maybe a little/ lot) amd I know that's my fault for acting like a maid. it's more the golf!!! The fact that he's already been this week. The fact that he thinks we have spent time together.. because we work together. Amd then sees me on an evening... that his answer is I'm begrudging him golf that, that takes his mind off work. The sun is shining amd it would be a shame to not take advantage of it. What id love him to say is playing golf once a week was perfect and the sun is out shall we go for a walk along the beach... Just feeling left behind

OP posts:
Rebeccabubba · 08/07/2022 17:05

I actually hate him right now!!! He's just gone golfing... finished work early so he has to go back tomorrow. He said what are we doing about tea I've said we're sorting our own tea out. He thinks I'm being unreasonable. Makes me so angry amd upset

OP posts:
Cameronnorrieisabitofalright · 08/07/2022 21:17

Stop pandering to him. He can surely use a washing machine and a cooker?

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