To not want to send my DD to in laws for Eid

[Busybee1009]

To put things into context, my MIL and I have never had the greatest relationship, however managed to be civil. When my DD was born my MIL was so over bearing, over stepping my boundaries and acting like DD’s mother instead.

in the past I’ve cried at the thought of having to go there for visits but have sucked it up for DD. Recently I have gone no contact with my in laws after having a row with one of my SILs where she had swore at me and I had been bullied by my MIL and SILs, DH was away on a lads holiday and was not there to witness this at the time or stand up for me, so they took advantage of this!

it is Eid this weekend, and I would much rather spend it with my own family, but I also understand that DH wants DD to interact with his side of the family for Eid too. Eid is just like Christmas, loads of fun, food, gifts and spending time with family, but I can’t help but not want my DD around such horrible people. AIBU?

For context text, can I ask do both sides of the family celebrate Eid, as in, you are all the same religion? Or is it just your side of the family, or just DH's side?

Yes both sides of the family celebrate Eid! @perimenofertility

Is it that you don't want to go yourself, or do you not want DD there regardless? Otherwise you could all "pop in" to the in laws for a few hours but spend the majority of time with your family. Or you go to your family and have DH take DD to his family's for some of it?

In that case I think fine to keep her with you and your family for your own celebrations. Maybe DH can take her there by himself for a visit at some time over the weekend and you stay away, but make it clear the main celebrations are with you.
Whether or not DH witnessed the bullying behaviour he should be prepared to believe and support you. If he doesn't, he is more of a problem than them.
Eid Mubarak!

Is DH is around so you're all going? What's the situation this time? Is there any chance you could stay behind with your family to, say, spend extra time with a very elderly relation who may not be around for much longer, and say "Oh you take the DC to see your family, DH, send them my love!"

It doesn't sound like you're being unreasonable. The only advice I can give is discuss with your husband beforehand how much time you're willing to spend with them—short and sweet is better—and never ever go there again without him. State clear boundaries and make sure he's ready to stand up for you in case they overstep. If it gets out of hand, just leave.

As for Eid, you could visit them for a while and then spend the rest of the day with your own family.

Is your mil nice to your dd? If she is, and you think it's safe to send her, I'd agree a short visit, followed by time spent with your family.

If your Mil is a bully to all, I'd refuse and dig my heels in.

I'd suck it up and make the visit as brief as pos. I wouldn't be happy at MIL playing happy families with DD without my supervision.

Suggestions:

• send dh with dc and stay home/go to your family
• alternate eids with each family
• all go to MIL dont let dh leave your side
• all go to your family
• invite both sides to yours

Regardless of what you choose you need to have dhs backing.