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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this unfair (cleaning related)?

8 replies

notacleaner · 08/07/2022 13:20

My DH and I live in a normal 3 bedroom house, no kids. We both WFH almost full time and we both create the same amount of mess.

We’re both very equal with what I would call ‘maintenance cleaning’, so will wipe down surfaces in this kitchen, both make beds, both run hoover round when needed and all the day to day jobs that keep a house generally neat and tidy. However I’ve noticed he NEVER does any deep cleans. About once a month I’ll realise that the bathroom needs a real deep clean, or the kitchen where I get everything off the counter tops and out of cupboards and scrub, but he never thinks to do this. I know he SEES it needs doing because afterwards he always says “That’s so much better, it really needed doing” and is very grateful, but he never thinks to do it himself. It’s started to irritate me, more on principle than anything else.

Whenever I bring up an unfair balance in cleaning he points out he takes on more emotional labour (I should never have taught him that phrase!) by doing all our life admin which he does, but I don’t know if that’s fair really. If we have visitors coming we always split cleaning and prepping the house fairly, but it’s just the never taking his own initiative that’s really bugging me.

OP posts:
TheOrigRights · 08/07/2022 17:11

Scrub the insides of kitchen cupboards? I don't think I've ever done that, and I have lived here 25 years!

Talk to him.

alphapie · 08/07/2022 17:17

I think the issue here is a difference in standards, you clearly have higher cleaning standards (wiping inside cupboard doors!?) so you feel like you're doing extra, whereas these are extras you choose to do.

I have the same issue in reverse, DH is the one who will moan I don't help scrub the skirting boards or the doors weekly when dividing up tasks.

My view is, if you're the only one who wants x cleaned (and it's not something basic like the toilet) it doesn't go into the joint chore pot to be divided.

bridgetreilly · 08/07/2022 17:18

Next time you notice it needs doing, ask him to do it.

ouch321 · 08/07/2022 17:27

Cleaning out the kitchen cupboards once a month is not the norm.

Yodaisawally · 08/07/2022 17:28

Cleaning out the kitchen cupboards once a month? How are they getting so dirty?!

Colinthesnail · 08/07/2022 17:37

I don’t think everything has to be equal to be fair. If he’s doing other jobs then I’d say it’s reasonable enough to leave the deep cleaning of kitchen cupboards to you.

(And my DH thanks me and says “that looks better” about all sorts of jobs that he doesn’t genuinely think needed doing, he’s just being nice and appreciative - he doesn’t really care if the oven is particularly clean or the hedge is trimmed hence it wouldn’t occur to him to do it.)

chiffchaffchiff · 08/07/2022 17:44

My DH is a bit like that though my deep cleans are far less frequent. I just say "can you help me clean the kitchen on X day?" And we do it together. He hasn't said no so far but if he did I'd just suggest another day rather than do it myself.

NippyWoowoo · 08/07/2022 21:10

TheOrigRights · 08/07/2022 17:11

Scrub the insides of kitchen cupboards? I don't think I've ever done that, and I have lived here 25 years!

Talk to him.

I've done it.

Once.

After spilling soy sauce.

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