AIBU not to add to the drama and this mum is awful!

[OlympicProcrastinator]

I had a friend who’s daughter was my DD’s best friend. I became friends with the mum through that friendship. DD’s are now 6 and were friends since reception.
Mum was often rude to me, spoke to me like crap, short sounding texts etc. Other mums described her as ‘direct’. I let it wash over me until she was rude to my mum. I decided to end the friendship. I was quite honest with her, told her friends should get along, that I clearly upset her if she needs to be so rude to me so often and that I wasn’t going to continue to meet up. She said she was upset at losing a good friend. I said I wouldn’t allow it to interfere with the girls friendship and wished her well. I wrote an invite out for her DD to come to my DD’s party.

All fine I thought except now my DD comes home and tells me ‘Katy (not her real name) says, ‘My mum says I can’t be your friend anymore because your mum doesn’t want to be her friend.’

AIBU to 1) think her mum is a fucking immature dick to get het 6 year old involved and,

2. I would be just adding to the drama by messaging her to say, ‘so much for not letting it affect the kids friendship, how pathetic!’

Ok I know I would be ridiculous for messaging her but I need to vent. Who DOES that??

The mother is an immature bitch. I wouldn't txt her though, that's you playing into her hands.

Don't text her. Encourage your daughter to be friendly with Katy if she wants to be, and also to have other friends. Keep a close eye and speak with the teacher if the situation with Katy deteriorates.

Don't text her, she's clearly using the children as a means of getting to you. Ignore her.

I wouldn't bother contacting the mother. Clearly she's 12 and won't respond well.

What you might consider is mentioning it to her teacher if they are in the same class just to they are aware if there are issues between the girls as they were previously close.

Though I wouldn't have "ended the friendship"
I would have just let it Peter out between us for The sake of the girls

Don't text her, she's clearly using the children as a means of getting to you

Yes this is my thinking too, thank you. So tempting but as PP said it’s just playing into her hands. I can’t believe such ‘games’ are being played by an adult!

@BodenCardiganNot Yes I have done that, luckily they are in different classes now. My DD was upset and has been told to respect her wishes if ‘Katy’ tells her to go away and maybe things will change in the future. She has lots of other friends so she will be fine but I’m really upset. I have older teens so not new to parenting but I’ve never come across an adult getting little kids to do their dirty work.

Though I wouldn't have "ended the friendship

I would have just let it Peter out between us for The sake of the girls

If I had realised how this woman would behave I might have considered that. It’s only I’ve read on here for years the upset distancing without explanation can cause.

Imo your dd has had a lucky escape.. Imagine the teen years with a mini diva in her life..

I would have tried conciliation before going nuclear. “You really upset me with your short answers I don’t want to back away but …etc”. Never close a door unless you are sure you don’t ever need to open it again

Completely ignore the mum. She sounds like she’s mean.

the kids will probably be friends at school - just keep the friendship at school.

I would have kept things friendly for the same of your kids friendship

I think you did the right thing in not allowing the other mum to speak to you like shit and be rude to your mum. Rude people continue to be rude when people put up with it and never challenge them.
The kids are 6 years old - this wasn't likely to be a lifelong friendship. They are in different classes, so just let it go. It doesn't matter and you have probably saved yourself years of feeling pissed off now you no longer have to listen to her. Your daughter will be fine.

I make many sacrifices for my children. Staying friends with someone who speaks to me like shit, in front of child (who also noticed) and upsets my mum, isn’t one of them. It’s not a good example to my children either I don’t think.

I really do appreciate everyone’s opinion though. I was and still am (even more so now) sure of my decision to end the friendship, I just needed fresh eyes on the idea floating around in my head to address the issue of her involving the girls.

Its unanimous that I shouldn’t rise to it so I shall ignore, ignore, ignore. Thank you all very much. Enjoy the sun (if it’s sunny where you are) ☀️

ImAvingOops My thoughts exactly! Thank you :)

She sounds like more of a child than your 6 year olds. Fucking drama queen. Leave her to sulk away herself. She is probably expecting you to come running back - stuff that.

BTW I didn't say but you did the right thing.

I'm not sure calling someone a bitch is that mature.🤔

The trouble is, you are going to be seeing this woman around for the next 6 years, I would have found a way to keep things civil

I'd tell DD that her friend's mum is being very silly, and adults can also be silly sometimes and I'm sorry that this has happened with her friend.

It’s only I’ve read on here for years the upset distancing without explanation can cause.

I've never sure about this - is it really better someone says out of the blue your rude or I dislike your personality. It would probably have been better to gently pull her up about how she was speaking to you and your Mum - and if that didn't work be very blunt but polite back.

However I think now all you can do is avoid her and hope the drama doesn't spill over onto your DD any more than it has done.

Don't text her. She sounds like she loves drama and anything you say will be shared.

You were "friends" with this woman for 2 years. I think a little gentle distancing rather than a big conversation about how she wasn't a good friend was unnecessary dramatic. And she's now being equally dramatic and childish by refusing to let her daughter be friends with yours.

I think you were correct to challenge her rudeness, particularly towards your mum.

I wouldn't want my child around that anyway.

They are in separate classes so it will be fine.

Avoid her and don't respond further.

Explain in simple language to your daughter that it's best to move on from rude people and not waste time.

Ignore the mum. Tell your DD that you don’t have to be friends with the mum for her and Katy to be friends - I’m sure your other DC have friends whose parents you don’t even know which might reassure her.