'I just say it how it is'

[alicedj22]

Is it me or is this phrase really really annoying? I seem to be coming across more people lately who use it, often a particular type of loud obnoxious person who thinks their opinion is fact and that they can essentially say what they like. I mean what can you reply to that?

Often heard in the school playground or from middle aged men at my ds rugby and football.

Usually preface to racist comments or similar in my experience.

YANBU to dislike the expression.

This sort of person also describes themselves as “not suffering fools gladly”.

@thing47 I had a similar acquaintance. He would complain that no one listened and no one understood. I told him that I do listen and I do understand, I just don't agree. He could not comprehend that it would be possible to understand his viewpoint without agreeing with him. Considering the issue was whether he, a 32 year old man, should have been secretly having sex with his 17 year old sister-in-law once removed, then it was quite surprising how offended he was that no one agreed with him.

Even worse when there's someone fangirling over said person and THEY say it for them! 'Oh Angela doesn't suffer fools, she says it how it is ahaha'. Like no, she's rude and you're pathetic for marvelling at her.

My FIL is one of these. "I speak my my mind - deal with it. If people don't like me that's their problem."

Yet he's always bleating on about how badly he's treated by the many members of his family who have gone NC. Full and pomp and arrogance, absolutely zero self-awareness.

*Full of

Agree. FIL says this or “it’s just the way I am”.

Hmm - I find that the people who say this are usually rude, inconsiderate and arrogant.

It has nothing to do with being opinionated or honest, but more often used as an excuse to be abit of a dick.

I'm actually quite horrified that people think this.

I always do this. I say I'm going to be late and apologise instead of dissembling or lying. If I forgot to do a thing, I'll own up so we can fix it. If I think something won't work, I'll tell you and explain my reasons, so we can discuss them and see if they stand up, rather than just agreeing with you until we're in a completely avoidable hole.

It seems like the people who can't cope are the people who say they'll do one thing and do another, or who don't understand a word they're saying, and just want to bluster their way through. Also most corporate speak.

I'm frustrated no end by people who can't tell it like it is and are incapable of speaking up. Why on earth is it so rude?

Too right

Here's an example of a not infrequent interaction:

Person: Are you registered disabled?

Me: Uh, no, it's not actually possible to register as disabled these days. They stopped keeping registers quite a long time ago

Them (offended): "Well I wouldn't know anything about that"

That's not my opinion, it really is the truth. I don't know why people go around asking questions about being registered disabled if they don't know anything about it. Someone at some point must have told them there's a register!

I'm frustrated no end by people who can't tell it like it is and are incapable of speaking up. Why on earth is it so rude

I agree, and I think it also depends where you come from - people in Germany and the Netherlands, and parts of the north of England are very direct and tend to tell you how it is; sometimes even to the point that I will gasp inwardly, and I find two-faced people really annoying!

I think the solution though is the old adage that if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. That in itself speaks volumes if you are quiet when everyone else is gushing.

Also some people think you are being rude if you criticise them. Often they deserve to be criticised eg the recent thread about the neighbour who blocked the MNer's drive.

Depends if the people they are not suffering really are fools, I imagine.

Most of us are fools at some point in our lives, so we probably deserve not to be suffered

I know a 50 something man who is like this. Very opinionated, thinks he is always right and is very rude but sees nothing wrong with it. He thinks he is lovely. Reality is, he is an absolute tool.

There is a huge difference between this, which is basically being honest and open; and the type of “I tell it like it is” wankers everyone else is talking about.

i totally agree there are too many absolute doormats who are afraid to say a word and shrink back in horror at everyday interactions. You see it on MN all the time - “someone’s rung the doorbell at 9pm, who could it be?” Or “my neighbour has lit a fire and I want them put it out, what should I do?”

but the type of wankers who say they tell it like it is are ALWAYS people who you’ve not asked for their opinion on a certain subject, usually a contentious issue, and they offer it to you anyway. Ie usually “nice cup of tea… the problem with forrinners is that they don’t know how to make a cup of tea, too many immigrants isn’t is? I was reading the daily mail and they said…etc etc…. Anyway, lots of people don’t like me cos I tell it like it is”

"Code for I'm rude and couldn't give a shit."
Code for I'm not woke or politically correct and couldn't give a shit.

I once had a team member who was very keen on this phrase. I fed back at their performance appraisal that at their level I would expect better critical thinking skills and that filtering your speech, being able to contextualise a situation and crucially being able to put yourself in another’s shoes and see things from their point of view were pre requisites for promotion . Finally I observed that just because you think something does not mean that that you have to say it. Was the first time I had seen her speechless.

I don't really think this is what the OP is talking about.

Being honest and straightforward in the way you communicate almost always a good thing, when tempered with a level of judgement and tact appropriate to the situation.

What the OP is talking about is people who wear 'honesty' as a badge of honour, whereas what they are actually being is plain rude. Such people are forever thrusting their opinions on people unasked for, and then blaming the other person when they (quite understandably) are put out.

I’ve screenshot this because I love so much about this quote!

also I am honest and don’t suffer fools gladly BUT I also try to adhere to the premise above that there are ways of saying things and appropriate times to say them. I also know my faults and so try not to inflict them on others too much!

apparently I’ve got a reputation of being very smiley, hard working and patient which proves that you can override your natural disagreeable personality traits as I think my natural state is lazy, grumpy and impatient 🤣

That was to @cyclamenqueen ☺️