To want a best friend?

[Autienotnaughtie]

I had two best friends from late teens, we were very close. We are still 'friends' now but more meet up a few times a year catch up. I recently suffered a tragedy and they rang once jointly but no offer to support and attempts to meet did not happen. One has mh issues and the other is very career oriented. I have tried to see them more regularly but not happened. I have a few mum friends locally who I see day to day and will have occasional coffee with. They are nice but don't want to meet on a evening or without kids really. Again attempts to further friendships have been thwarted. Although they have been supportive recently. I'm not close to family beyond my immediate family. I really want a close friend who's in my day to day life but also someone to go pub with or go dancing. I have my dh but he's quite anti social, he's rubbish at seeing his own friends and he's quite a quiet person. The problem is I don't really have the time to invest in building a friendship up (although I may in a few years) and I have no idea how you get to best friend stage. Previously it was being at school together. I just feel like other people my age have a bit of a social life and support network and I don't which makes me sad but I also feel like I can't change it.

The problem is I don't really have the time to invest in building a friendship up (although I may in a few years) and I have no idea how you get to best friend stage.

I see so many posts like this and this is not uncommon at all. A lot of women who found this easy when they were younger seem to struggle with it as they get older.

Kindly, though, it worries me a lot that people accept so readily that a normal state of affairs is to invest all their emotional time into their husband or partner and not have anyone else at all. There was a post like this yesterday along the same lines.

I'm not judging you for this at all because it's an easy situation to find yourself in. Butt you are making yourself so vulnerable if the only person in your life with whom you have an intimate relationship is your significant other. It isn't just that you're at risk if the relationship ends, its just the lack of external perspective and stimulation. It's not a healthy way to live at all.

Kindly, though, you say you don't really have the time to invest in building a friendship. But you clearly can find this time for your DH. Can't you carve a little bit of the time and emotional space you give to your DH to invest with friendships?

I appreciate it may not be easy but I do think if you want to improve your friendships you have to prioritise this.

I get what you mean but dh lives in the same house so spending time together is a regular occurrence. We have a disabled child plus two other children and child care/support is limited so going out isn't always easy.

Can you join any local hobby groups? Find your crowd so to speak.