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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let 11yr old ds wear a skirt to school.

65 replies

Blimpop · 07/07/2022 21:20

Am I over reacting? We're a pretty open minded family- if my boy wanted to wear a skirt, I'd let him, if it WAS because he really wanted to wear a skirt, but I'm sure it's because he wants to make his mates laugh. Well I'm pretty sure some of the lads will just take the piss and they'll all fall about laughing. I'm not bothered about that bit, I just feel that its a bit of a shitty thing- what if one of the other lads actually did want to wear girls clothes and felt more uncomfortable because my lad has gone in a skirt as a joke and they all laughed about it, then they may never brave it and wear what they wanted. Am I over thinking this, and just leave him to it? Or am I right to stand my ground that it could actually upset some. If he shouldn't - how do I explain.

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 07/07/2022 22:49

I’d probably let him wear what he likes, within the uniform rules tbh

He’s more likely to get it out of his system this way, and he’s old enough to make his own decision

Marvellousmadness · 07/07/2022 22:49

Let him. Who cares. Even if it is a dare...
I dont see the issue. Its just a skirt.

Testina · 07/07/2022 22:53

Wants to wear a skirt for himself: yes.
Wants to make a point about no shorts option for boys: yes.
Wants to normalise skirts as an ally for others: yes.
Is committed to the idea that clothes shouldn’t be gendered: yes.

Is playing it for laughs and feeding into the crap that, “boys who want to wear skirts are to be laughed at” - hell fucking no.

Doesn’t matter if he’s confident and popular and will be laughed with, what matters is perpetuating the idea that a boy in a skirt is a figure of fun.

doyouwantachuffedybadge · 07/07/2022 22:53

I'd tell him if he wears a skirt on outings outside school in public before he wants to wear one at school then of course he can: if he wants to wear it in school then he can wear it outside school, unless he's looking for laughs in school. That will hopefully prove the point that wearing a skirt as a joke is not right. Wearing it because you want to is marvellous.

nosyupnorth · 07/07/2022 22:56

Clothes is clothes.
If he's using it as a tool to mock others then pull him up on the fact that mocking others is wrong. But if he wants to wear a skirt, so what? Maybe he's just trying it out, maybe it's for a bit of a lark; maybe he'll do it once and get bored, maybe he'll decide he likes it and keep doing it.
You say you would be supportive if he wants to wear skirts, but also your response to him wanting to wear a skirt is to consider banning it? Sounds like mixed messaging to me.
Even if you are positive about people dressing how they want in the abstract, it can still be a lot for a young lad to actually try dressing outside the norm and not at all unusual for him to want to pass it off as something not serious while he tests out reactions or experiments without feeling a need to commit, I definitely wouldn't treat the fact he is outwardly lighthearted about this as a reason to dismiss and shut him down - clothes shouldn't have to be serious business and there's no rule saying 'dress exactly like society dictates for your age and gender or make a big statement about not doing so with no middle ground allowed'.

SoftSheen · 07/07/2022 22:57

Has he even got a skirt? If no, then since he already has a uniform, you won't be buying him one. He can always buy one with his own pocket money, if he likes...

Imogensmumma · 07/07/2022 22:58

doyouwantachuffedybadge · 07/07/2022 22:53

I'd tell him if he wears a skirt on outings outside school in public before he wants to wear one at school then of course he can: if he wants to wear it in school then he can wear it outside school, unless he's looking for laughs in school. That will hopefully prove the point that wearing a skirt as a joke is not right. Wearing it because you want to is marvellous.

This….if wearing a skirt on a family day or around the house is what he wants to do then yes continue at school.

If it’s just to get the boys to laugh then no

NotthatKindofpickle · 07/07/2022 23:00

Op explain it the way you have done here in your post. It makes perfect sense. Also, you sound very thoughtful and kind!!

Heartofglass12345 · 07/07/2022 23:06

I completely agree with you and I hope he sees sense when you explain it to him

TheHateIsNotGood · 07/07/2022 23:11

Total Clothing Rights. As a 60 year old woman who has always preferred to wear trousers (jeans mostly) since a kid, and who declared my right to wear trousers during cold weather to school in the 1970s

I'm aghast that it's even a bit questionable that males can wear skirts, etc. in 2022.

It's quite sad when we have to refer back to the 1970s for some clothing-equality. When in reality, if it's hot weather, a lot of blokes would rather be wearing a sarong - just like they do in many places around the world.

BlackbirdsSinging · 07/07/2022 23:13

Our school has recently changed the uniform rules so there is simply a choice between skirts or trousers and it doesn’t matter what sex you are if you wear either choice.
Let him wear it OP. It’s been done before and it will become mainstream. I don’t think it would upset another boy who wanted to wear a skirt, it would probably make it easier for him.

minipie · 07/07/2022 23:25

Yep I’d be telling him that if he’s so keen to wear skirts he can wear one for a weekend or two (including out with his mates) before he wears one at school. That’ll make the point I think? If he thinks it’s hilarious for boys to wear skirts he won’t do it. If he genuinely wants to wear a skirt then presumably he’ll be happy to do so at the weekend too.

Eightiesfan · 08/07/2022 00:18

Im not sure what his motives are. Is it just to make a point about equality of uniform, or do you think he’s trying to make fun of a trans identified student. If he’s doing it for a cheap laugh for his friends, it would be a no from me.

However, the other option is that he’s gender-curious and wants to dip his toe in the water. Or that in the current climate turning up to school in a skirt will make him the most popular kid in school.

legalseagull · 08/07/2022 07:51

I wouldn't let him in these circumstances. It feels like he's poking fun. Like "it's so funny to pretend to be a girl"

AmIOverReacting20 · 08/07/2022 07:58

Personally I'd let him (although it's easy for me to say that as my DS is only 6mo and wears whatever I put him in without complaint). It does bother me that it is ok for girls to wear "boys clothes" but not the other way around - as if there is something shameful or inferior about women's clothes? Maybe he is doing it on a date or joke but, who knows, maybe he will decide that he quite likes wearing a skirt.

TheBigotyBoggart · 08/07/2022 07:58

If he wants to wear it let him. He's allowed to. It's just a skirt.

Harridance · 08/07/2022 08:01

I'd let him, probably will never do it again, what's the worst thst can happen?

mycatisannoying · 08/07/2022 08:01

I wouldn't allow it, not for the giggles anyway.
Also, I wouldn't want my child to disrupt the teachers and others' learning with what is effectively a pisstake. School is not the time or place.
A firm no.

ClocksGoingBackwards · 08/07/2022 08:03

I’d let him wear it, but I think it’s good for secondary school children to be able to push the boundaries of suitable uniform because then they’re less likely to want to rebel about things that actually matter.

ZarquonsSandals · 08/07/2022 08:04

Testina · 07/07/2022 22:53

Wants to wear a skirt for himself: yes.
Wants to make a point about no shorts option for boys: yes.
Wants to normalise skirts as an ally for others: yes.
Is committed to the idea that clothes shouldn’t be gendered: yes.

Is playing it for laughs and feeding into the crap that, “boys who want to wear skirts are to be laughed at” - hell fucking no.

Doesn’t matter if he’s confident and popular and will be laughed with, what matters is perpetuating the idea that a boy in a skirt is a figure of fun.

Completely agree.
I'm pleased to see that a number of schools now just have a list of uniform items, as opposed to the archaic girls' and boys' - particularly where one costs more because of those conditions.

If he's just doing it for a laugh then its not appropriate. There may be others who struggle with comfort and/or identity and this reinforces a notion that they are to be mocked.

Re skits being female attire (as another poster intimated) - what about kilts, kurtas and a multitude of religious garb? All fit the 'feminine template' but all acceptable?

ItsDinah · 08/07/2022 08:05

He'd probably look better in a kilt. However, in these hard times, if he's happy to wear his sister's cast-offs,I'd go for it as an ecologically conscious economy measure.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 08/07/2022 08:07

Not appropriate. Because he's doing it for a laugh, which can be seen as mocking both boys who are genuinely considering it and mocking girls.

Harridance · 08/07/2022 08:09

So is a girl wearing trousers mocking boys?

BuanoKubiamVej · 08/07/2022 08:10

He absolutely should be allowed to wear what is comfortable and best for maximising his ability to focus on education and learning in school. If the best way of achieving that is for him to wear a skirt then absolutely you should support him in doing so.

If he wants to do it for a joke, because it would make people laugh, then he needs to examine that more closely. The reason it makes people laugh to see a male in a skirt but it's not even slightly funny to see a female in trousers is because of deeply ingrained cultural misogyny that places males as better than females so it is natural and understandable for a female to aspire to be "better" and dress according to a higher rank, but weird and incongruous for a male to aspire downwards and dress according to a lower rank. Finding drag intrinsically funny is a marker for subconscious sexism.

Testina · 08/07/2022 08:11

Harridance · 08/07/2022 08:09

So is a girl wearing trousers mocking boys?

This has been quite a thoughtful and interesting thread, so why post nonsense like this? You make yourself look stupid.

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