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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother in law offering to give us money to buy Xmas Presents

33 replies

girlfriend44 · 07/07/2022 21:15

Bit hard up and told family we won't buy presents this year.

Mil has said she will give us x amount to buy some presents.

Would you accept or do you think we should kindly say no thanks.

OP posts:
Cavviesarethebest · 07/07/2022 21:15

Do you mean buy presents for your children?

DenholmElliot1 · 07/07/2022 21:17

Depends how much she's offering - are you willing to tell us?

Londoner256 · 07/07/2022 21:17

She wants to give you money to buy presents to give back to them and other family? Seems a bit unnecessary but I’m not too bothered about presents, whereas some people really are.

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 07/07/2022 21:17

Who are you to buy for with the money? If the children then its a really nice gesture. You are very well organised BTW!

spotcheck · 07/07/2022 21:18

Is she generally a kind, thoughtful woman?

I think that if it is a one time thing, and if it is a genuine offer, I would accept.

Sisisimone · 07/07/2022 21:18

I think its a lovely gesture and will make for a much nicer Christmas for you and all of your family to be able to reciprocate with family gifts.

violetbunny · 07/07/2022 21:20

It's a nice gesture but if it's to buy gifts for other people that's not really much of a help ad ultimately you don't benefit from it, the gift recipients do. If I were in her shoes I'd offer to help with the bills rather than to buy gifts that will ultimately be given to others.

LadyWithLapdog · 07/07/2022 21:21

If there are no strings attached (“But you must spend Xmas day with us” etc), I’d accept and have one fewer things to worry about. Accept help when it’s offered.

Sisisimone · 07/07/2022 21:25

violetbunny · 07/07/2022 21:20

It's a nice gesture but if it's to buy gifts for other people that's not really much of a help ad ultimately you don't benefit from it, the gift recipients do. If I were in her shoes I'd offer to help with the bills rather than to buy gifts that will ultimately be given to others.

Well they would benefit from not feeling fucking awful when everyone buys them gifts and they have nothing to give back. Or having to explain to their kids why everyone is exchanging presents and they aren't giving anyone one. It's a really generous thought from the mil

JennyForeigner · 07/07/2022 21:25

I wouldn't, but that's because the no strings attached thing never quite works in our family.

Original poster
girlfriend44 · 07/07/2022 21:32

Cavviesarethebest · 07/07/2022 21:15

Do you mean buy presents for your children?

No give us money to buy presents for the family.

OP posts:
chilledbubble · 07/07/2022 21:34

I think if she's normally very nice then it is very nice of her with no ulterior motive. I would still keep the gifts small.

Just4today · 07/07/2022 21:35

Surely you are unreasonable to be discussing Christmas in early July

Sisisimone · 07/07/2022 21:36

Why would you refuse? Is there going to be some sort of huge drip feed back story about abusive mil or suchlike? Both of our parents have helped us out at various points and I fully intend to do the same with my children now we are in a position to. Its what family is all about.

bellac11 · 07/07/2022 21:37

Just4today · 07/07/2022 21:35

Surely you are unreasonable to be discussing Christmas in early July

I was just going to say this. Plenty of time to make an arrangement with other family that this year you're not doing presents, or are making home made presents like biscuits or cakes

pilates · 07/07/2022 21:37

I would say no thank you

MsSquiz · 07/07/2022 21:38

Just4today · 07/07/2022 21:35

Surely you are unreasonable to be discussing Christmas in early July

@Just4today why is it unreasonable to let family know with plenty of time that you won't be buying Christmas gifts?
Lots of people spread out their Christmas shopping or keep money aside for their shopping budget. Letting them know early means they might decide to not buy a gift back and use that money elsewhere

DurhamDurham · 07/07/2022 21:39

I'd think that was a waste of money, if it was to buy presents for children who would otherwise go without then that's different. You've decided to not do presents so her giving you cash to buy presents won't leave you any better off at all.

Ragwort · 07/07/2022 21:40

No, because that defeats the object of aiming to stop buying presents for the wider family; just say that you have made the choice to cut down on exchanging gifts for ethical as much as financial reasons and thank her for her offer, but you are happy with your decision.

WestIsWest · 07/07/2022 21:40

I would try to suggest you all do a secret Santa instead this year (and future years) rather than her shelling out for present that some people probably won’t even use. It’s lovely of her but just seems like a waste of money and would me feel uncomfortable if I were you. Plus if I was receiving a gift and had an idea your MIL has paid for it I’d feel awful that you felt pressure to give when you couldn’t afford it.

chilledbubble · 07/07/2022 21:40

Just4today · 07/07/2022 21:35

Surely you are unreasonable to be discussing Christmas in early July

This is absolutely the best time of year to give people a heads up. A lot of people start spacing out their buying for Christmas gifts as and when they see them. Otherwise you get to novemeber and say oh we aren't doing it this year and they've already started buying things and it all just gets awkward.

Cameronnorrieisabitofalright · 07/07/2022 21:41

Bet you a box of Ferrero she tells all the receivers she paid...

chilledbubble · 07/07/2022 21:41

WestIsWest · 07/07/2022 21:40

I would try to suggest you all do a secret Santa instead this year (and future years) rather than her shelling out for present that some people probably won’t even use. It’s lovely of her but just seems like a waste of money and would me feel uncomfortable if I were you. Plus if I was receiving a gift and had an idea your MIL has paid for it I’d feel awful that you felt pressure to give when you couldn’t afford it.

Secret santa is a good idea

WishILivedInThrushGreen · 07/07/2022 21:41

I'd accept.

Don't forget that your MIL is your partner's mum so you need to discuss this with your partner.

If I was your MIL, I'd readily proffer some money to you to buy some gifts as I'd know just how you'd be feeling.

You never stop caring about your children, no matter what age they are.

Brighteyedtriangle · 07/07/2022 21:43

If its kids ie neices and nephews accept. If its for adults say no its setting you up for every other christmas to buy from next year on. So easier to put a stop to it now

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