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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to wonder who organises your funeral if you have no close relatives or friends?

48 replies

Hippopotas · 07/07/2022 15:46

Does anyone know? Also if you have specific wishes would they then be followed?

I’m just curious as I was pondering this the other day.

OP posts:
ElizaJones · 07/07/2022 15:47

I believe it’s the council and it would be very basic, the bare minimum.

SouthernJurassic · 07/07/2022 15:50

Well, back in the days I was a probate solicitor we used to organise the funeral for clients. It might be something as simple as sorting out the undertakers or slightly mroe complicated if they had express wishes involving specified music or sea burials (quite common where we were).

I used to attend as well- sometimes only a handful of mourners.

I worked in a rural law firm though and doubt larger firms would be able to do so due to general busy-ness.

I confess I liked that part op my job. Being there for someone right at the end and making sure things were done right by them.

Boxowine · 07/07/2022 15:51

Everyone should organize their own funeral while they are still alive. And hopefully pre pay.

It's really surprising to me how many people don't do this or consider a living will/DNR order/DNI order. Especially since Covid.

At a bare minimum write out your wishes on a note pad and attach your own obituary.

Hippopotas · 07/07/2022 15:52

Boxowine · 07/07/2022 15:51

Everyone should organize their own funeral while they are still alive. And hopefully pre pay.

It's really surprising to me how many people don't do this or consider a living will/DNR order/DNI order. Especially since Covid.

At a bare minimum write out your wishes on a note pad and attach your own obituary.

Can you prebook and pay for a funeral then? What if the company you choose goes bust though?

OP posts:
Zone2NorthLondon · 07/07/2022 15:52

Where there are no NOK or family or friends the local authority has the responsibility to arrange the funeral

Blossomtoes · 07/07/2022 15:55

Hippopotas · 07/07/2022 15:46

Does anyone know? Also if you have specific wishes would they then be followed?

I’m just curious as I was pondering this the other day.

You do. You pay for it in advance and give the undertaker detailed instructions.

RaisinGhost · 07/07/2022 15:55

If you don't have any family or friends why would you need a funeral? Who would be attending?

MsTSwift · 07/07/2022 15:56

There’s a lady at the council that does it here.

Hippopotas · 07/07/2022 15:56

Thanks everyone for answering the question. It has been helpful.

I suppose I’m just pondering the future and how all these things work.

OP posts:
Hippopotas · 07/07/2022 15:57

RaisinGhost · 07/07/2022 15:55

If you don't have any family or friends why would you need a funeral? Who would be attending?

i didn’t even think about that. I suppose so you get the send off you would want.

OP posts:
WhenDovesFly · 07/07/2022 15:57

Hi OP

I'm a funeral arranger. If you have no relatives or friends to do this then the local or health authority will arrange a simple funeral. If you've left instructions about the type of funeral and burial you want, there is is no legal obligation for these instructions to be followed, but they often are.

BlanketsBanned · 07/07/2022 15:57

Agree you can make plans and pre pay, also state in your Will what your wishes are and lodge that with a solicitor or bank.

WhenDovesFly · 07/07/2022 15:59

RaisinGhost · 07/07/2022 15:55

If you don't have any family or friends why would you need a funeral? Who would be attending?

Even if it's a 'direct-to-crematorium' it's still a funeral, there just isn't a service for people to attend. Someone still needs to take responsibility for arranging it at time of need, and it's usually the local authority.

EmeraldShamrock1 · 07/07/2022 15:59

Your wishes may not be followed unless you were pre paying privately.

I'm sure you can organise your own through a solicitor.

My Dbro bought a plot in his thirties, we thought he was crazy but it has increased 3x in value already.

I don’t care what happens to me after I'm dead.

54isanopendoor · 07/07/2022 16:00

My Mother died recently, intestate & pre-paid funeral but ignored by my Brother who arranged the cheapest Cremation possible (probably the type that occurs if you are buried by the local authority - ie a 6am unattended cremation, on an unspecified date, ashes posted back, very very basic indeed)
A good friend died & left his body to medical science (an option...)
Both have been needlessly distressing.

As I have kids, I am about to arrange mine.
If I didn't I might just leave it (due to finances) but I guess that's a tax burden.

notanothertakeaway · 07/07/2022 16:02

One option is to pay for a funeral plan, or instruct a solicitor to arrange your funeral

If no one arranges it, then local authority will arrange a public health funeral. But, I believe this may be held anywhere, any time, and not advertised. So, friends and family wouldn't have the option to attend

marinalambrini · 07/07/2022 16:02

Hippopotas · 07/07/2022 15:52

Can you prebook and pay for a funeral then? What if the company you choose goes bust though?

My gran did this. She had the hymn sheets printed off and everything. My grandad died in this 60s so I can understand why she was so prepared for her own funeral. Although she lived until she was 90!

Blossomtoes · 07/07/2022 16:02

Why did he do that if it was prepaid @54isanopendoor?

DasGirl · 07/07/2022 16:04

Gosh @54isanopendoor I'm sorry to hear that.
Why on earth did your brother do that when she already had a prepaid funeral?
I'm assuming there's a big backstory

Bagpuss2022 · 07/07/2022 16:08

@54isanopendoor did he do it so he could keep the extra money? Or did he not get along with her how awful!

UrricanesArdlyHeverAppen · 07/07/2022 16:09

Blossomtoes · 07/07/2022 16:02

Why did he do that if it was prepaid @54isanopendoor?

My dad’s wife did this. He had a funeral plan that paid out 5kish. She got the cash, organised the cheapest funeral possible and pocketed the rest, so I’d guess the op’s brother did something similar.

JennyMule · 07/07/2022 16:12

Where the deceased made a will, their executors are responsible for arranging payment of the funeral expenses from the estate. If you want to, you can specify your funeral wishes in your will. As PP have said, you can prepay for a funeral - "funeral plans" are backed by insurance in case the FD ceases trading. If you don't leave specific instructions the executors will have to use their best guess as to what you would have wanted. Where a person dies intestate (without a will) if they have nobody able and willing to step up as administrator (like an executor but without a will) then as a last resort the district or borough council will eventually organise a public health funeral (once they have explored whether anyone else is able to do so.) In my area the council bars friends/relatives from attending as a disincentive to relying on public funds (although if the deceased had any assets the council will obtain reimbursement from the estate so the funeral isn't actually a freebie!) I have family but consider it a kindness to leave a list of what I'd like as a send off (although when the kids annoy me I threaten to change the instructions from cake and champagne to New Orleans style jazz funeral 😎)

Zone2NorthLondon · 07/07/2022 16:12

It’s a conversation to be had whilst you have capacity and are well
advanced directive, your treatment and wishes. Share with your GP and family. Discuss it with family so they are aware of the directions and your preference

Lasting Power of Attorney (LPA)

You nominate a person to make decisions on your behalf in the event of loss of capacity. There are two types of LPA and you need to make payment and register them with the Office of the Public Guardian (OPG)
Property and affairs LPA.
Health and welfare LPA.
You need to apply for both separately and register both separately too

WhenDovesFly · 07/07/2022 16:15

UrricanesArdlyHeverAppen · 07/07/2022 16:09

My dad’s wife did this. He had a funeral plan that paid out 5kish. She got the cash, organised the cheapest funeral possible and pocketed the rest, so I’d guess the op’s brother did something similar.

This would only work if they had one of those Over 50s type insurance plans. If it's a proper pre-paid funeral plan then there isn't any money back. You pay for the funeral director's fees, which are guaranteed, and put a voluntary contribution towards third party fees (crem, doctors fees, celebrant). If there's anything left over from the third party fees (there usually isn't) then you don't get them refunded, which is why you shouldn't massively overpay.

With regard to leaving your body to science. It's worth reading up on it first. There are certain conditions/illnesses for which they won't accept the body. Also, if you die at the 'wrong' time, eg just before Christmas, you're screwed because the medical schools shut for the holidays and don't accept bodies.

Allthegoodusernamesareused · 07/07/2022 16:27

My brother passed a few years ago. He had been housebound for years due to numerous drug and alcohol related health issues. I had been NC with him for 15 years, and our Mother was already deceased.
I was contacted by his social worker, and there was an expectation that I would arrange (and presumably, pay for) a funeral. I declined - I didn't consider myself next of kin. The local authority arranged it in the end, and there was a small service, only myself and three carers in attendance.