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AIBU?

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Original poster

To still feel angry after 50 years?

29 replies

925XX · 07/07/2022 15:23

When I was 12 I was friendly with a girl same age 4 doors away. One day her dad knocked on our door with his daughter and said his daughter had stolen money from his wallet and said that I made her do it or I would beat her up! I have never hit anyone in my life and I certainly did not make her take the money and knew nothing about it! My stepmother believed the girls dad (she was a cow, the marriage to my father did not last long) and thumped hell out of me. I remember crying and shouting at the girl to tell the truth, tell the truth! I am still angry to this day at the injustice.

OP posts:
Badgirlgonegood · 07/07/2022 15:28

This is awful and I am so sorry this happened to you.

I still recall odd moments from my childhood that hurt deep down and bring me anxiety but nothing as serious as what you have described.

But it has been 50 years so if you think about this often perhaps you could seek some counselling? You should know that you have every right to be angry, they were in the wrong though so it is no reflection on you and they are not worth your time and thoughts. Their actions were abuse and I think it’s not just the injustice it’s also the punishment inflicted on your for no reason as you know the truth. Even if you had done it the punishment was outrageous x

catandcoffee · 07/07/2022 15:30

Look her up on Facebook and get your own back.😉

Meraas · 07/07/2022 15:31

Sorry that happened to you, OP.

I'm assuming the step mother and that dad are no longer alive?

I would write them a letter to pour out all your anger and hurt, and then take it to a park, burn it, and then enjoy the (hopefully) sunny day.

It's symbolic, but it will help. Flowers

Original poster
925XX · 07/07/2022 15:32

Badgirlgonegood · 07/07/2022 15:28

This is awful and I am so sorry this happened to you.

I still recall odd moments from my childhood that hurt deep down and bring me anxiety but nothing as serious as what you have described.

But it has been 50 years so if you think about this often perhaps you could seek some counselling? You should know that you have every right to be angry, they were in the wrong though so it is no reflection on you and they are not worth your time and thoughts. Their actions were abuse and I think it’s not just the injustice it’s also the punishment inflicted on your for no reason as you know the truth. Even if you had done it the punishment was outrageous x

Aww thanks for that. To be honest all that went on when I was a kid would keep a counsellor in work for years x

OP posts:
Original poster
925XX · 07/07/2022 15:33

Meraas · 07/07/2022 15:31

Sorry that happened to you, OP.

I'm assuming the step mother and that dad are no longer alive?

I would write them a letter to pour out all your anger and hurt, and then take it to a park, burn it, and then enjoy the (hopefully) sunny day.

It's symbolic, but it will help. Flowers

Thank you.

OP posts:
Riverlee · 07/07/2022 15:34

How awful. I remember listening to Jeremy. One on Radio 2 and they were talking about bullying. The lady who rang in said she didn’t feel free of her abuser until she’d heard he died of a heart attack, forty years later.

Have you talked to,your stepmum about the incident since? What has she said? Has she ever apologised for your abuse?

Original poster
925XX · 07/07/2022 15:36

Riverlee · 07/07/2022 15:34

How awful. I remember listening to Jeremy. One on Radio 2 and they were talking about bullying. The lady who rang in said she didn’t feel free of her abuser until she’d heard he died of a heart attack, forty years later.

Have you talked to,your stepmum about the incident since? What has she said? Has she ever apologised for your abuse?

She is long dead now. I never saw her again after I was 13

OP posts:
GeorgeCat1 · 07/07/2022 15:37

She was only 12 too and might have been scared. I definitely thinkif this is causing actual anger now, this long after, you need professional help to move on. It doesn't deserve to have this hold over you.

Original poster
925XX · 07/07/2022 15:38

GeorgeCat1 · 07/07/2022 15:37

She was only 12 too and might have been scared. I definitely thinkif this is causing actual anger now, this long after, you need professional help to move on. It doesn't deserve to have this hold over you.

Yes I am sure she was scared of her dad which is why she blamed me.

OP posts:
darisdet · 07/07/2022 15:46

I agree that it was probable she was afraid of her father to have lied. Probable also that she felt some guilt afterwards, and still feels it, especially because you were physically punished.

Fink · 07/07/2022 16:00

I was just remembering yesterday an incident that happened to me when I was 12 and another girl lied about what she'd done to save herself from getting in trouble with her dad. I hadn't thought about it in years but sometimes memories just float up out of nowhere. It can be tough. YANBU to feel hurt at the injustice, but I guess it depends what you mean by 'anger': if it's an occasional thought then probably not an issue, if you're still burning with indignation after 50 years then maybe you need some help letting go and moving on.

Sqeebling · 07/07/2022 16:08

Track down the other girl if you can and talk it all through with her. You might both feel better

Original poster
925XX · 07/07/2022 16:09

Fink · 07/07/2022 16:00

I was just remembering yesterday an incident that happened to me when I was 12 and another girl lied about what she'd done to save herself from getting in trouble with her dad. I hadn't thought about it in years but sometimes memories just float up out of nowhere. It can be tough. YANBU to feel hurt at the injustice, but I guess it depends what you mean by 'anger': if it's an occasional thought then probably not an issue, if you're still burning with indignation after 50 years then maybe you need some help letting go and moving on.

Yes not burning anger, it just pops into my head from time to time and I feel sad I suppose more than anger.

OP posts:
Original poster
925XX · 07/07/2022 16:10

Sqeebling · 07/07/2022 16:08

Track down the other girl if you can and talk it all through with her. You might both feel better

I have no idea what her name was then never mind now. But yes it would have made me feel better if I could have spoken to her about it. I live in a totally different part of the country now and have done for over 50 years.

OP posts:
notanothertakeaway · 07/07/2022 16:11

Your friend was in the wrong and you know that. Still feeling angry 50 yrs later isnt helping you. Better to move on from this

diddl · 07/07/2022 16:13

That is awful.

What terrible behaviour by the adults.

It sounds as if the girl was terrified of her dad-but then why steal his money??

Pieceofpurplesky · 07/07/2022 16:14

Similar incident with being blamed - but my dad would never hit me.
Interestingly the girl who blamed me looked me up on Facebook years later and apologised. She blamed me as my parents were nice and her dad would have beaten her.

My point is that maybe she feels guilty too, you did nothing wrong and the anger is understandable.

Pieceofpurplesky · 07/07/2022 16:14

diddl · 07/07/2022 16:13

That is awful.

What terrible behaviour by the adults.

It sounds as if the girl was terrified of her dad-but then why steal his money??

Sanitary reasons? Food?

SofiaSoFar · 07/07/2022 16:18

notanothertakeaway · 07/07/2022 16:11

Your friend was in the wrong and you know that. Still feeling angry 50 yrs later isnt helping you. Better to move on from this

Captain obvious...

Obviously OP is venting and validating her feelings. Nothing at all wrong with that.

billy1966 · 07/07/2022 16:19

OP,

That sounds so awful.

Such a huge injustice is not something that you should expect to just fade away so do not feel bad for that. At all.

It sounds like you had a hard childhood.

Possibly your friend was terrified of her father and shifted the blame onto you as a result.

Obviously very wrong of her, but could that explain it.

Or maybe she just wasn't very nice.

I think it is strange that people expect bad memories to fade.

Really awful, traumatic memories tend to remain.

I witnessed a horrific crash when I was 18 nearly 40 years ago. It is like it happened yesterday. The noise, the bang, the cries, the silence. Like yesterday.

AryaStarkWolf · 07/07/2022 16:21

What did your dad say about it?

Original poster
925XX · 07/07/2022 16:22

billy1966 · 07/07/2022 16:19

OP,

That sounds so awful.

Such a huge injustice is not something that you should expect to just fade away so do not feel bad for that. At all.

It sounds like you had a hard childhood.

Possibly your friend was terrified of her father and shifted the blame onto you as a result.

Obviously very wrong of her, but could that explain it.

Or maybe she just wasn't very nice.

I think it is strange that people expect bad memories to fade.

Really awful, traumatic memories tend to remain.

I witnessed a horrific crash when I was 18 nearly 40 years ago. It is like it happened yesterday. The noise, the bang, the cries, the silence. Like yesterday.

Yes I had the worst childhood ever. I have tried so hard to try to forgive and forget but its is not easy. I could write a book that would have everyone in tears. Sometimes it just helps venting on MN it makes me feel a bit better.

OP posts:
Original poster
925XX · 07/07/2022 16:26

AryaStarkWolf · 07/07/2022 16:21

What did your dad say about it?

Not much he was handy with his fists too!

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 07/07/2022 16:29

925XX · 07/07/2022 16:26

Not much he was handy with his fists too!

Show quote history

Sorry to hear that :(

Original poster
925XX · 07/07/2022 16:33

AryaStarkWolf · 07/07/2022 16:29

Sorry to hear that :(

Show quote history

thank you

OP posts: